I lost it today

[BypassBee]

terri i love you!!! thanks so much!


and yeah wagonwheel it is cos of my weight... i lost a lot last summer, and i was fine to be seen around my dads work ( i remember once when i was a bit younger being parked outside it and really needing a pee, but not beng alowed in, so i had to hold it for 40 mins till we got home), but since i put it on, im not so welcome. My dads had a small weight issue most his life, so i just dont get it ( i know they dont like my tattoos, but they werent a problem last summer when i was slimmer and i can always cover them!)

.x.

ps. i havent by any way had the worst life in the world, we all have our bad parts, so please please dont think im trying to make it seem awful all the time, i can get on with my family, just most of the time i dont!

 

[j.u.s.t.l.i.z.]

thankyou for your post terri. much appeciated hun xxx

 

[fat-girl-slim08]

Just wanted to say I'm sorry your having a rough time with your parents, You can do this, Dont give in.
(((((Sending you BIG cyber HUGS)))))

 

[Brunetteandred]

I loved ,y mother iwth a passion, but she was always on at me about my weight. One of her mantras to me was 'O our Angela, you look like the side of a house!'

It was only when I had CBT in later years and examined how and why I ate as I did, it became apparent that she was a lot to blame!

 

[BypassBee]

I loved ,y mother iwth a passion, but she was always on at me about my weight. One of her mantras to me was 'O our Angela, you look like the side of a house!'

It was only when I had CBT in later years and examined how and why I ate as I did, it became apparent that she was a lot to blame!

parents can be so lovely can't they?!

I can't say my parents are to blame for my weight... thats all me... but ive suffered depression since i was 14, and i can say 100% my family have a lot to answer for - im not saying they have done it on purpose, or that they are totally to blame, but they have a large part in it. I know i do too, and im willing to take the blame, just a shame they wont, it is always my fault, always! - i know i get on a lot better when i dont see my family (especially my oldest brother), so i can totally get how you mum contributed to your problem burntandred!

(personally i think psychiatrists would be out of a job if we didn't all have families!! lol)

.x.

 

[wellington]

Hi Becca

Sorry to hear you are having a hard time with your parents, I totally know how you feel, My parents are totally the same always trying to put me down for my weight they are divored and live miles away in different city's in Scotland but are both as bad as each other when i visit, it is sad but i try and keep visiting to a minimum, i am 38 and have been married for 18 years so been away from them for years, but there comments are still as hurtful, sometimes if visiting for a couple of days i sometimes have to cut the visit short as emotional i cannot handle it, especially my mother her comments are toxic, i have tried talking to her about this but sometimes it is better to say nothing, last week she gave me a half hearted comment ( you look much better as i have lost 4 stones then said yeah cos you looked a F***kin mess before) she has been mentally cruel to me since i was a child, i started councelling in November last year as i had a bad bout of depression and the councillor showed me to deal with her manner i cannot blame her totally for my weight but her mental and physical cruelty over the years has definately played a big part in my self confidence and depleated self esteem

I am hoping for a bypass like yourself and i constantly get comments how she doesn't think that i should get it, once saying she would pay for a band but i really dont want to be in debt to her the rest of my life

Whatever you do dont give up the chance for your bypass do whats right for you, i am sure your parents are really proud of you no matter what weight you are i'm sure they are just worried about you and sometimes people dont express them selves the way they want to

Good Luck & Take care

Gail x

 

[j.u.s.t.l.i.z.]

I loved ,y mother iwth a passion, but she was always on at me about my weight. One of her mantras to me was 'O our Angela, you look like the side of a house!'

It was only when I had CBT in later years and examined how and why I ate as I did, it became apparent that she was a lot to blame!

people around us are alot to blame for how we turn out in being free adults, mind games and words stick to the brain like a branding iron, its mental abuse and it has life long after effects with a high price to pay not just physically but emotionally as well, people can have a major hold over us emotionally with just simple words/comments, them words/comments have a life long effect on us and who it makes us become, its very wrong, i hate mind games thro other peoples selfishness, the long term effects can be devistating for the recipient of this, especially from the ones we are closest to and are suppost to love and support us.

 

[quetiapina]

Hi Becca, I'm so sorry that you have had a ghastly day - but don't make any decisions re. op. while you feel so bad. Parents can be the weirdest creatures on earth and when they say something horrible ( or remain silent for 11 years like my Mum managed to with me) it hurts a lot more because it isn't just one hurtful comment they bring to the table but every hurtful thing they have ever said ( and probably they feel the same as well). And the worst thing is that we love them, and just want everything to be ok.

Being on limited food intake is bound to affect you, plus being at your parents house ( I can manage about one night four times a year) leads to a very emotionally stressful combination.

You are doing well, try to focus on that.

Really feel for you and am sending you warm cuddly vibes x

 

[BypassBee]

gail i know exactally what you mean, im sure if i told you sme of the things ive had said to me by my parents, youd be shocked, toxic comments seem to be a stable in this house... however i cant actally think of the last time i said something to either of them which was aimed directly at them (like your ugly or stupid... you know something ment to upset them)... i guess thats the difference between me and them.

liz, you dead right, people dont often realise that words can hurt so much more than actually hitting someone! - i know some of the things that have been said to me by my familiy have really stuck! - and im sure in my time ive been as damaging... all i can say is ive stopped being that way, i guess some people sadly cant.

.x.

 

[BypassBee]

thanks jenni
trust me i usualy try my best to avoid visiting my family lol 4 times a year is better than what i usualy manage! (ive been here almost a month!!! )

It's nice to know theres so much support out there

.x.

 

[quetiapina]

"liz, you dead right, people dont often realise that words can hurt so much more than actually hitting someone! - i know some of the things that have been said to me by my familiy have really stuck! - and im sure in my time ive been as damaging... all i can say is ive stopped being that way, i guess some people sadly cant."

Yes, I agree, emotional torment can hurt more and have terrible effects in the long-run. As to having the people you love saying such horribly personal things must have left you with self-esteem on the floor. This will have come into your weight problem. Reading people's heartfelt comments here makes you wonder how many of our problems have such a deep deep root.:hug99:

 

[BypassBee]

I think more than a few will have similar problems, maybe not family, but other people close to them.

I'm so glad this thread has been replied to so much, it's nice to know im not alone, and it's good that it's (hopefully) helping others too

.x.

 

[quetiapina]

thanks jenni
trust me i usualy try my best to avoid visiting my family lol 4 times a year is better than what i usualy manage! (ive been here almost a month!!! )

It's nice to know theres so much support out there

.x.

Oh My God. A Month! I would be back in hospital after a week.

 

[BypassBee]

lol well ive been there before!!! I'm a lot better at avoiding them these days lol

.x.

 

[BlondeMoment]

Becca, your not alone as you can see by the replies you have,dont give up on the pre-op you have come so far and achieved so much.
I also had problems whilst growing up not only with parents but grandparents as well.
My gran was the type of person who would make the best stew and dumplings along with yorkshire pud ,pile your plate high and then when you finish have pudding ready as well.But then i would get the comments made to my mum of "i would rather have Di a day rather than a week".
I have to smile when i think back to my school days ,my dad as a incentive for me to loose weight said he would give me a £1 for every lb i lost,i must be the only person who rebelled by putting weight on lol.
But then last year when i went for WLS my parents were against me having it (and i am alot older than you),but it was my decision,i was doing it to improve my quality of life.as it happens it didnt happen due to a fatty liver.
I am going for WLS again on Weds and i have decided to save the grief i will tell them when i come out,I know its not the right thing to do but we all have our own reasons for doing things or not doing them.
Stay with what you have decided to do,as the saying goes you can choose your friends but not your family.
Its your life,they have lived theirs.

xx

 

[BypassBee]

im sorry you had a hard time too di... and i wish you all the best with your wls!!!

im a little confused, did you already get put under once and find your liver was too fatty? if so what had you been eating prior to the op?

.x.

 

[bookwormy]

sorry to hear you are having a hard time of it, but just think in a little while it will all be over and you will be back in your own home with the OH losing weight and enjoying your life as you want to, so grit those teeth and try to let it go over your head. Thinking of you and hoping for the best for you. pat

 

[BlondeMoment]

An easy answer to that question is everything i shouldnt have been,oh and binge drinking that didnt help.
I went for a bypass last october and came home with 5 keyholes scars and no bypass,my own fault nobody elses,but it sure was a wake up call.

x

 

[BypassBee]

thanks pat!
are you from near elgin? i forget! - i cant wait to get back up there!!! .x.

 

[BypassBee]

ahhh di, atleast you have learned from it though! there are some people who just wouldn't have! i wish you all the best for this time. finger crossed for you

.x.