is this really worth it???

[fatbutnot4long]

as the title says is this really worth it?

i am stuck big time.. i havent been on munch so will give you all a little update.. i have lost 7 n half stone since the 25th november which is brill im really happy about .. but then last month i found out i wasent dumping as much (if atall) and pushed my luck and started eating crap again! one day i just had ice cream! all day! anyway i sat myself down and thought it all through and yes i like that food but no i dont miss it.. and asked myself although ppl comment when i was really fat and actually always seem to make my weight their buisness who REALLY cares if im fat?? apart from me, no one! they just seem to judge! anyway i then did the 5 day pouch test to ristrict myself again as i know i was eating alot more than before! i did it but in day 3 came away to cornwall (argggghh how hard) anyway i did it! and then decided i wasent having any carbs for 2 weeks (although i was going to have 1 small pasty while i was here) which im still doing! ive been walking loads and i know i stopped going to the gym for 4 weeks (ooops) i do intend to get back on it and i have still been doin exercise and my allotment! ive infact walked more while ive been here! anyway.. my totm finished a few days ago so i thought id go for my weekly weigh in and i weigh exactly the same!! exactly... im so down... i didnt lose anything for 3 weeks but that was my own fauly and to be fair im happy i didnt gain! but im trying really hard now and not getting anywhere.. im just not sure if this is all worth it? i think about foor 24/7 all the time.. i have night mares about food! i just dont think i can do this.. theres no way i could try harder yet ive lost nothing! im stuck at 14.11! and im gutted... any advice will be welcome! xx

 

[BypassBee]

aw hun, look how far you have come already! and think where youd be had you not had the op.

I know what you mean about thinking about food all the time. It's so hard to find a balance between eating a varied and healthy diet, and not feeling like your on a diet.

It's taken me a while but I have just got my head round the fact that just because i have some icecream for example doesnt mean i have to pig out on it, it will be there the next time i fancy it, and just cos i have some on a day, it doesnt mean that day is ruined.

In my opinion you dont need to cut out carbs, we need carbs to break things down, and to have a healthy diet and good health (just today my dietician gave me a fact sheet about why carbs are important)

sounds like your doing fab with the walking, and it could be that you are gaining muscle and loosing weight at the same rate, or that your loosing inches.

A stall is normal, as heartbreaking as that is, it is normal, and it will break. Up your fluid! even if you think your having enough, up it, trust me it helps!

Dont get down heartend, i have been where you are, and i know its easy to blame yourself, but i can honestly say, my weight loss has seemed to have very little to do with a good day vs a bad day.

You have done so so so so well, and lost an amazing amount so quickly! your body prob just needs a wee rest, a catch up, and to replace its glycerin stores.

You will loose again hunny, have heart!

.x.

 

[ladylite]

Oh dear you do sound down in the dumps.:cry: Being pre op I can only say what I have read on here and that is it seems to happen to a lot of people.

I do hope you get some positive feedback from the others but in the meantime, dont beat yourself up too much as that wont help you either and you should be congratulating youself in the big loss you have already.

Big hugs.:grouphugg:

 

[fatbutnot4long]

thank you both for the replys.. i am really down! its really upsetting me.. im all or nothing aswell.. if i have something naughty then my whole day is ruined.. last time it was 2 weeks! but im really really trying and im getting no where! i feel i am letting myself and everyone else down.. eveyone knows ive had the op and when they ask how im doing i have to tell them im the same and i can see in their faces they think im still over eating im really upsetting myself! just dont know if its all worth it... x

 

[BypassBee]

I have felt exactally like that... i know what your feeling.

You are not letting anyone down, you have done amazing!
It took me a while to stop feeling like id ruined a whole day. the guilt is awful.
I have had to get help fromt he mental health team in my area, which is why im seeing a dietician, and im on medication for anxiety.

i know its easy to say, but please try and keep your chin up. I find looking at a picture of how i used to look, and how i look now helps.

Nobody is disapointed in you, nobody is putting pressure on you, but you. People who know you just want the best for you.

Next time someone ask, tell them you have lost about 1 and a half stone a month since your bypass, which you have! which is amazing by the way!

If you ever need a chat, feel free to pm me, i know what your going through, beacuse i am too. We can do this hun, you havent done anything wrong, you know what your earting habbits are and you know how to change them if you need to.

.x.

 

[smilergem]

Sorry you are feeling so down, but hope you are enjoying your holiday in Cornwall, whereabouts are you? I am in Penzance xxx

 

[fatbutnot4long]

im in hastetown near st ives. ive been to penzance today. i love it here its so beautiful!

thank you bypassbee - i think i need to maybe talk to someone too.. i feel so guilty if i eat something thats got any calories in.. and eve drinking im looking at as wated calories.. i think about this all the time. theres also a nightmare that ive been having since my op thats really worrying me and it seems im having it more and more! i dont think im coping very well at all! i still buy too much food and to be honest i think im storeing it like a hamster! not good.. my gp took me off all my meds which was really hard and was when i turned back to food for about 3 weeks.. but since then ive tryed to sort myself out and am now only on anxiety ones and of corse the bypass meds! just feel to give up on it.. its sounds silly because i know i look better and feel better (health wise) but i feel worse in my head and it was soooo much easier when i just ate what i wanted! this is really hard and i never expected it to be! x

 

[BypassBee]

i didnt anticipate how hard it was going to be, my whole life has changed. and i see the community mental health nurse every other week and we talk things through.
It might be worth asking your dr to refer you to your comunity mental heath team or for counciling.

I look at every calorie, be it in a drink or food, and it has driven me mad for months, it only just getting better, and i dont want to see anyone going through that. so please see about getting some help, it really is important. Its so hard to feel guilt all the time, its an amazing presure to be under and you really dont need to. I know what i know in my head and how i feel are two seperate things, and logically i have know all along counting cals is bad for me, but its getting to a point where your comfortable to stop the things that are making you feel worse, and i couldnt be doing that without the help im getting.

Its very hard to explain to people just how all consuming this is, and how it effects every part of my life... my world has shrunk around my weight loss surgery, and im just starting to get my life back witht he help of the medical team.

Things can get better hun, but you cant do it alone

.x.

 

[fatbutnot4long]

thats exactly how i feel! i feel guilty for eating! even thou its smaller amounts! i hate shopping because i read read read the labels put it in the basket then take it out n but salad and vedge! i avoid carbs at all costs coz in my head they made me fat! crisps was always a thing for me! i know im not coping very well at all! as soon as ive eaten i want it out and i can go all day without eating although im thinking about food from the moment i wake up.. sometimes een in my dreams! im scared to tell my doc incase he thinks im mad or ungratful - because im not i just really really want to be normal! i know it sounds silly but im really scared of forgetting to count calories because i dont want to end up putting weight back on because i forgot! if that makes sence.. saaying that.. if im having a bad day or week.. i eat anything and everything i can... i just seem so more botherd by it all now than i have ever been ever.. x

 

[Rosabel]

thank you both for the replys.. i am really down! its really upsetting me.. im all or nothing aswell.. if i have something naughty then my whole day is ruined.. last time it was 2 weeks! but im really really trying and im getting no where! i feel i am letting myself and everyone else down.. eveyone knows ive had the op and when they ask how im doing i have to tell them im the same and i can see in their faces they think im still over eating im really upsetting myself! just dont know if its all worth it... x

Aww,hugs to you hun. I do know how you feel,i have been like this forever!....all or nothing,i either do very well or very bad.I am pre-op, and even after seeing that the surgery is not the full cure to this disease,it IS worth it surely? I mean look at how well you have done so far,how much you have lost,maybe you wouldn't have lost all that weight without having the op,just think back and remember how you felt before the op,with all that extra weight on....it is crippling...never forget that.You WILL get back on track even though you're very down on yourself at the moment,when the right time comes,you will regain that strength to move on in a more positive way and regain the confidence.I do know how you feel about 'blowing it',that feeling you get is like hell,despising yourself and being angry at yourself for not eating correctly. The op obviously has no cure for the mind,somehow we all have our own journeys and reasons for the way we eat,i just wish i knew the answer why.Good luck.xxx

 

[BypassBee]

thats exactly how i feel! i feel guilty for eating! even thou its smaller amounts! i hate shopping because i read read read the labels put it in the basket then take it out n but salad and vedge! i avoid carbs at all costs coz in my head they made me fat! crisps was always a thing for me! i know im not coping very well at all! as soon as ive eaten i want it out and i can go all day without eating although im thinking about food from the moment i wake up.. sometimes een in my dreams! im scared to tell my doc incase he thinks im mad or ungratful - because im not i just really really want to be normal! i know it sounds silly but im really scared of forgetting to count calories because i dont want to end up putting weight back on because i forgot! if that makes sence.. saaying that.. if im having a bad day or week.. i eat anything and everything i can... i just seem so more botherd by it all now than i have ever been ever.. x

if i were you hun, id print that out, and give it to your dr and tell them you didnt know how else to say it, and youd been talking about it on this forum and though that summed it up well. The is exactally why i ended up getting help. and you dont get if you dont ask, worst they say is no... in which case you ask again. You dont need to go through this, your life can be about so much more than food, you just need helping in learning to move past it, and onto better things!

Im getting there, you can too, dont be scared, ask.
And there is always help on here for you

xxx

 

[fatbutnot4long]

thank u. i think maybe i will i know its not normal x

 

[BypassBee]

that bit you wrote is pretty much what i ended up telling my dr and i am very lucky to have an amazing dr who has helped me so much.

Make and appointment, and let u know how you get on.
After all you have been through (lets face it, its a major op!) you deserve a smile on your face for all the weight thats gone, not guilt

.x.

 

[fatbutnot4long]

i will thank u x

 

[Fat Again]

I know how you feel, I had my op a couple of weeks before you and I've only lost 5 stone so far, so your 7 stone weight loss is fantastic.

Losing weight quickly, whether its a bypass, Lighter Life or any other VLC Diet definately screws with your brain. It can take a very long time for our brain to catch up with our bodies.

When I lost my weight previously with the Cambridge Diet, sadly my brain never caught up. I found the whole experience of losing the weight very traumatic and became very depressed. I was obsessed with dieting and that was all I talked about. People avoided me cos they were sick to death of it !

This time round though Im taking it one day at a time. Not worrying about goals, and not obsessing about calories. I can only eat very small amounts so Im not restricting myself too much. I still can have some chocolate if needed, but its a tiny square not the whole bar. I don't feel guilty after a treat either, it makes me feel normal.

You have no need for disappointment and should not be regretting your surgery. Imagine your back where you started before your op, surely you felt ten times worse about yourself than you do now.


Sorry I ain't got the answer for you, but do take care and
try to concentrate on the positives, cos there's so many.

x

 

[BIG KIM]

Personally, I think we have all had or will have regrets about the surgery. Food was a big part of my life, and I'd be lying out of my hoop if I said that I didn't miss it. I could murder a nice steak some days or a Chinese, but then I remember why I put myself through all this, and it wasn't to become slim and attractive. I already have my soul mate who loved me for who I was and am now, so I didn't do it for that. I did it because of my health. I was scared of dying, and not being around to see my children grow up and have families.
What has hit it home more is that last week a good friend of mine had a stroke and died due to him being heavily overweight, and all I can think is that might have been me.
so what I'm trying to say hun is, chin up and stick with it. your bound to get down, but come and chat to us anytime, hell I'l even give you my number and you can chat to me anytime 24/7.

Regards

KIM

 

[smilergem]

Hi again, I really hope you can get this issue sorted, and I think you do need to see your GP about it. I thank everyone who has been so honest in their replies, as I am sure it will help me when it comes around to being my turn for the op (after four years of waiting).
By the way, I was born and brought up in St Ives, and know Halsetown very well xxxxx

 

[CCPM]

Kirsty Bypassbee is so right you need to see your doc and get someone who can help you work this through.

It isn't failure at all that you are experiencing. You have done brillantly with your weight loss so far, much more than most. Stalls are a bummer and having suffered more than most from this I can really sympathise with you. BUT this isn't a race and if your losses stop for a while or even slow then thats not a problem. You need some help to get your head round eating a balanced diet and not feeling guilty when you allow yourself a little treat like ice cream and equally how to allow this but not over indulge. Its hard we never did it before so we're not well equipped to do it now. Do seek some help and if I can help in any way PM me any time

Take care

M

 

[thinkbethin]

Aww sweetheart. This is a tough journey you're on and it takes us all quite some time to get used to it. You have done fantastic with the weight loss so don't be so hard on yourself. Big hugs to you xxxx

 

[fatbutnot4long]

thank u everyone for replying.. i am going to see my doctor because i still have huge issues with food and eating.. its the last day of our holiday today (well staying with my grandparents) and i had a ice cream (2scoops my hubby got grr) and now i feel down and guilty and dont want to eat anything else for the rest of the day! i cant wait to get home and back planning what and when i eat.. its still running my whole life and it needs to stop! im 24 and food has always as long as ic an remember been a massive issue for me! i know i have lost alot of weight so far but im still fat! i weigh 14.11 now (due to be weighed tomorrow) i was 22.4 in november so i know thats ok but i still look huge! and i know this sounds sad and kim i dont mean 2 sound a spolit brat but i did do this to be skinny and look better - ive always been the fat one in a group and i really just dont wnt that anymore i know the health issues are part of this aswell but to me that was always number one! i really mean this when i say it.. thank u! you all help me so much and i will beat this flab and get to be where i want.. its just a fight that i still have to fight but i will one day hopefully win! x