One Angry Bear!!!

[k8y bear]

Just come on here to have a quick whinge, so appologise if i sound sorry fr myself.
I have figured out rcently one of the reasons i eat for comfort..MY BLOODY MOTHER!!!

God give me strength with her, We have never had a relationship, she put me away when i was 12 and i never saw much of her unless she rang me up to be nasty, My Dad, (who was very ill in hospital at the time she put me away) always tried to keep the peace between us, anyway when Dad passed away a few years ago my Brother and Sister wouldn't look after her and she was realy suffering with the loss of my Dad and going down hill fast.

Sooooo,
me and the other half Put the money down that had been shared out on a house for us all, (me, Hubby, kids and Mum)
She is still a cantankerous bugger now!!
I can cope normally, even with the weight comments, the put downs, the negative talk and NEVER having anything nice to say about others...

I mean what kind of person say "these people in Pakistan have gold in their ears and noses, so they can't be that poor, why should we help them!" PLEASE???
But the final straw has to be the fact i have very little i can eat at the moment, So she has gone into the fridge and eaten my yougarts....Not hers..oh no MINE!! Grrr

Sounds petty, But i can only eat those and she knows what shes doing, I asked her why didnt she eat hers, and she said she's gone off them.
She also has my allowence of milk so i don't know where i am, she won't do anything to eat for herself and asks for the things i love, when normally she wouldn't want it, For instance, Beans on toast with cheese...OMG...I'd kill for that at the moment, and Mum doesn't care for things like that.
I know the answer is breath in, smile and crack on...But my Lord does she make it hard.
Sorry, immature rant over.xxxx

 

[tranquil_butterfly]

Sorry you are having a rough time - just hang on in there - just a few more days to go. You perhaps need to prepare yourself for more acts of sabotage - so start thinking of ways to combat her. It is really hard when parents do this to us - you need to be strong - and I know you are. Sending you :hug99:


tranquil

 

[Bev]

Kate I was wondering how you were getting along, only 5 days to go... who needs any stress...

Hope there is a way of being able to keep your things totally separate... not easy at times... when I have these types of days... I call a family meeting and then when I shout everyone shuts up... but it's likely that you can't do that with your Mum!

Do hope you can saunter through the next 5 days peacefully as you await your surgery...

So sending you a humungous hug for peace, rest and relaxation xxx

 

[cherry]

ooooo hunni im sending you one great big massssssive kelly hug, try not to let her get to you, you dont need the stress this close to your op,,, lots of love xxxxxxx

 

[tesmaralda]

I really don't know what to suggest. But we ae always here for you to vent. Parents are the worst to deal with as we always feel loyalty to them when sometimes its the last thing they have shown us never mind love and affection when needed.

You will get there, how about neasure the milk as you go and keep a running total so she can drink as much milk as she likes but it won't affect your amounts?

 

[gaelic girl]

Oh dear i am so sorry you are having such a difficult time with your mum. You don't need the stress indeed and its so difficult to deal with these behaviours especially from our parents. No matter how angry or how much they hurt we still feel that loyalty because they are either mum or dad. Stay strong hun and Bev's idea sounds good, would she sit down and talk/listen to you on why its only certain foods you can eat. Good luck and big hugs x

 

[k8y bear]

:grouphugg: You guys are Just the best!!
Thanks, it's so hard to talk to people about her because i don't want anyone to say anything to her, i mean she's 73 and i still belive in respect towards her, so i appreciate your kind words of support, and in next to no time as well.
THANK YOU xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[yorkshirelass74]

CRIKEY!
sound like your mum and my mum could have been separated at birth!
All my life i have been the "fat one" of her two kids, everything is negative like
"we wouldnt need to help starving people in Africa if they stopped having sex!"

She left my dad when i was 19 and we didnt speak for 13 years, and i had a dream that she had cancer, an i couldnt concentrate after that, i dontknow what i would have done if anything had happened to her while we werent speaking.

But anyway here we are today, i have got 3 kids, but she knows best, i was selfish having the bypass as i didnt think about the kids incase anything went wrong, she started a diet the day i had my bypass and rings me to ask what i have had to eat and then tells me "all she has had to eat and how she will be thinner than me, and how she is losing more weight than me, and how much skin i will be left with, and how i hadnt thought it through!

Phewwwwwww
i feel better after that rant, but dont worry K8Y you are not alone!

 

[shelbell]

I know the answer is breath in, smile and crack on...But my Lord does she make it hard.
Sorry, immature rant over.xxxx

You're a better person than me then, my answer would be to tell her to grow up and start to treat you with the respect you deserve, or she can find somewhere else to live! How dare she treat you so badly, you are a lovely person and don't deserve it.

Oooooh family members like that make my blood boil. Why do we allow people to treat us so badly just because we share a few genes? If our friends treated us that way we would kick them to the kerb and be glad of it!

And yes, I have some family members who would get on beautifully with your mother (can you tell lol), but I have very little to do with them anymore, and my life is far better for it

 

[cherry]

ooooo mona that mirrors my mum ha about the op and not thinking it through........ ARRRGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

[Bev]

Just start putting yourself first and foremost Kate, you have a lot to go through in the next few days and do what you can to get some rest and relaxation this week... I must say, Shelbell sounds just like me in that respect... I would have to sort that situation out for the better, for all of you, but it's difficult and you have a lot to get through... Good luck to you and you have a lovely photo on here! Take care xxx

 

[novamay]

I think our families are definitely sent to try us... they either make us mad or embarrass the hell out of us. And, there's always one who knows which buttons to push to get a rise; always one with the smart cracks and digs.... in my case its an uncle who I don't have anything to do with now - the 'just teasing...' got so bad.

Is there anyone you can beg, borrow or steal a minifridge from to put your yogs and milk in - put it in your bedroom (although I think theyre a bit noisy) and padlock it if necessary so your mum can't get to it.

Alternatively, do what they did where I work when milk started disappearing - say that you've spat in it!

 

[dottychic]

They say you cant pick your families

 

[lamornamiss]

Tell her that you have been looking at nursing homes and you have found a really nice one whould she like to have a look. LOL
Have you read my post "Thanks Dad"
Parents look at us as if we were still little kids and that we don't know nothing.
Ask her if she has got a problem with you having the op its possible that she is frightened of something going wrong and she will be left with no-one.

 

[RoseA]

Oh Katy - I really feel for you... forgive me if I say your mum sounds exactly like mine ! Manipulative, controlling, irrational... I have never had a good relationship with her, and can't begin to tell you the things she's done and said to me over the years... In fact I mustn't even think about it because it gets me too wound up. I'm sending you lots of hugs - ignore her the best you can, grit your teeth and carry on ! xx

 

[Kerry Jo]

I might get lynched with this one but here goes anyway. It could be we take things the wrong way and parents are actually worrying about us which makes them act in this way. i could be totally wrong. On some things people just have different views on things even if we are related. Sometimes my mum does or says something (not nasty) but i think your getting on my nerves or your doing this on purpose, i think in my head which then winds me up even more. Did your mum know that you could only eat those types of yogurts? Just i think nobody's perfect and sometimes i think we expect are children and our parents to be perfect. Be kind to me peeps just my opinion, if your mum is doing these thing on purpose to hurt you its well out of order and you should go ringing up some homes lol. Good luck with the rest of your milk diet, hopefully stress free xxx

 

[k8y bear]

You lot are wonderfull, thankyou, I have an idea, lets get all the parents together and get them talking, i wonder how long it would take them untill they realized just how shallow and unforgiving they all are...More like they would think they were all wonderfull Pffft.
Thanks again to all of my new fab friends xxxxxx
You've all made me smile xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[k8y bear]

I wish it were a case of that but its a deep rooted thing with my Mother and me, She' not a happy bunny that my siblings didnt offer to look after her, and she didn't put them away.

She blames me for Dads death, i was Daddy's girl and he spent a lot of time with me, can't quite work out how i had anything to do with his death, but there you go.

She will openly tell me she didn't want to adopt me
it was all my Dads fault, Thge reason i look after her is i know my Dad would have wanted it that way.
Opps off on a tangent again...
Is there a shrink in the house??? lol siholog: xxxxx

 

[dottychic]

Theres loads of people shrinking in this place but Im not sure any of them are a shrink Chin up hun, what doesnt kill us makes us stronger.....please remind me of this when I go off on one x

 

[tranquil_butterfly]

This is such an emotional time for you with the op so close. Try not to make this your problem. Your mom is the one who appears to have the issues. Put her to one side and think of you. You will need all your strength for the op and beyond. All the best.

tranquil

PS I love that dress you are wearing