Possibly
I know I probably technically need to lose those 3st. I'm just a bit worried about not recognising myself, you know? I've never been slim, so being this size (not slim, but heading into normal size category) is all new to me. It's not like I used to be slim and then it all went wrong - I've always been big. So this attention I get and the outfits I can wear - I've got a denim skirt on today, it's always been my dream to own one. And now I'm wearing one, and it's above my knee, and I feel good in it. I kind of feel like a big torch is on me and I'm not used to it.
Was down to 200.8 this morning... it's all fine.
I'm feeling a bit emosh today. I feel this is a mixture of several things:
1) Primarily the work crush situation. My new lip gloss is amazing, so if nothing comes of it, at least I have my lip gloss
. But I've bored myself out of my brain obsessing about Monday. It's been exhausting. I've always been kind of scared of boys, they have the power to turn your life upside down and take all control away from you. I get on with boys very well, and probably enjoy their company more than girls. But the thought of having one person in charge of your happiness is terrifying to me. I've always been very independent and in control of my own life. So I guess I've used my size as a protective blanket - I can flirt with them and it doesn't mean anything because they won't fancy me. Even if I'm disappointed in that fact, I know I won't get properly hurt because it won't go that far. (Apart from when it did go that far and I got my heart broken and I haven't looked at a boy in 5 years since then.) Now I feel that all these opportunities are out there and there's a possibility I can grab them, and I don't know what to do. Yesterday my male friend told me I looked amazing. I felt like saying - do you mean actually amazing, or amazing in comparison to what I used to look like? lol. (I didn't ask.) All these compliments from people who I know, and have seen me shrink, may have over inflated my ego - and for someone who's never seen me before? To them I could just be a chubby girl who giggles a lot. I don't know.
I don't know how Monday will go. But I've never been in a position where there's someone I fancy the pants off of, and there's a distinct possibility they might find me attractive (unless it's like an internet date thing, which is totally different because you know what you're both there for). I feel like I'm 15 and should have gotten all of this out of my system a long time ago. This whole thing is more about how it's made me feel, rather than him himself. I know he must have a girlfriend (esp with that facebook photo) so I'm not seriously thinking anything will happen. But I feel flooded with happy hormones for the first time in those five years and I feel chatty, flirty, excited, like I want to take pride in myself and make that effort. I was talking to my old friends in the office yesterday, something I haven't done in ages. I even agreed to go to the company cricket match I haven't been to since 2010.
2) Dami Im, Australia's Eurovision entrant this year, released an album of Carpenters covers today, and I've been listening to it for about 2 hours so far. I LOVE the Carpenters, and Dami has a beautiful voice. But those songs are so emotional and make me cry. So let's blame them shall we
