I don't know whats up with me at the moment, most of today I've been near to tears and feeling really down.
Went to the Surgical Appliance dept at our local hospital today to be measured for this Hernia Corset. The one I tried on was huge, bulky and rather ugly. After being measured I was told that it would take 3/4 weeks to get it made, so its another month of being sore like this.
One good thing came out if it though, the woman poked my back and asked if I was getting pain in a certain spot which I am. I thought it was my muscles trying to settle down following the weight loss but its not, its the Hernia thats causing the pain and is apparently common with a Hernia this size, she also taught me how to manipulate the Hernia back in without hurting myself too much, as by the end of the day its normally absolutely massive and very painful.
Got home to a letter from the hospital saying that I have been accepted onto Mr Khans operating list, but they are sorry there will be a long delay (out of their control) and could take up to 18 weeks. Mmmmm, that means I'll have been left suffering like this for half a year.. Not good.
Then and this is I think whats upset me the most, I went and got weighed and have put 1kg on over the past two weeks, even though I've been so sick. I know why its happened, mainly because I've been imobile and been eating slider food in the hope that it stays down, but that doesn't make it any less upsetting.
So off to Tesco's I dragged hubby and after a bit of a bawl in the cafe there, I pulled myself up and hunted round Tesco for stuff that doesn't contain a lot of calories but might stay down until this damn Hernia thing is sorted and the sickness settles down (I was told that the swelling the Hernia is causing is whats causing the sickness in the first place).
I guess I'm just tired of feeling sore and ill and want to feel normal again. Sorry to rant on here, its not something I would normally do, but it does help to get it off your chest doesn't it?
I think it is only natural that you are feeling down as when you are in pain coupled with being frustrated with having to wait for your corset and operation then to find each have been put back even longer it is difficult to keep on top of things.
Crying is the body's way of releasing tension and anxiety and it is much better than bottling it all up inside.
As for the weight gain, this is in your power to do something about and you know yourself what steps you can take to get back on track, don't beat yourself up, but be gentle with yourself right now.:hug99:
I really really feel for you, another 18 weeks of discomfort and pain seems like a lifetime away. No wonder you are feeling weepy. I'm sorry I have no suggestions other than dont be too hard on yourself re the recent gain, you are doing what you have to do to get through this. You recognise why you have put on and it isnt because you have resorted to comfort eating or anything like that. Look how far you have come and look at the bigger picture.
Hope your able to get some relief soon, take care Xx
Bonita, I'm so sorry you are having such a rough time. This hernia sounds awful for you. To feel ill for so long with the WLS and this bloody hernia must be so very draining as well as uncomfortable and painful. It is no surprise that you are so weepy at the moment. Can yr GP hassle the hospital for an earlier appointment to get this thing sorted. Bless you honey, I hope that you can get some peace from all the pain and frustration.
Lv to you
i am so sorry Bonita to hear of your suffering and hope and pray you get sorted soon, do the hospital know you could be available for any cancelation dates? you might be lucky and get given an earlier slot.
Good luck and hope you dont suffer to much hun xxx
Its no wonder you are feeling down and weepy with everything you have had to go through. I am sure I would have crumbled before now. Just want to send you big hugs to try and help you through (((hugs))).
Hun am so sorry you are in so much pain and feeling so down, pls dont ever feel you need to appologise bout posting how you feel.
You have been through so much and you are a true inspiration, when i was reading your post now i remembered reading the first post i read of yours when u posted not long after ur surgery and told us how hard things had been for you and then i felt true admiration for you then and i did not know you, but months down the road and have read so many of ur posts and you have supported me and so many others i think you are such a special and wonderful person.
I hope that you manage to get your surgery soon as poss and u can carry on every day life without being in so much pain. Hun could the kg be due to the swelling and poss water retention due to the hernia.
You are looking so fab i can def understand why you were mistaken as 30 yrs old as u look stunning.
Take care hun and have a good day xxxx
Sorry you're in so much pain Bonita. I think you're handling it amazingly well considering all that you've gone through.
I hope the hospital can fit you in earlier than 18 weeks. Try to chase them up for an earlier appt or a cancellation if you can and if it's too bad to handle, don't feel reluctant or guilty at the idea of going to A&E with the aim of getting an emergency op. You really are doing very well. x :hug99:
OMG Bonita, no wonder you feel like crying...I could cry for you :cry:
I think it's dreadful that you've got to wait that long for your surgery....if it gets to the point where you really can't take any more, don't hesitate in going to A & E...then they'll have to get you sorted.
I'm so sorry about yesterday. Its not like me to let things get to me like that and don't think it was all to do with feeling sore all the time.
I have a 25 year old son with Aspergers, Tourettes and associated conditions. he's a lovely sweet boy, spitting image of Justin Timberlake and been happily living with his lovely girlfriend in a flat local to me for a while, or at least I thought that he was happy.
He let slip that his landlord has been bullying them, walking in and out of the property as he pleased, making obcene remarks to my sons girlfriend, generally being unpleasant and scaring my son.
I worry so much about him because its so much harder for him to cope out there in the big wide world than other young men his age and his girlfriend although lovely and sweet, is also very innocent. I think that was what was upsetting me the most yesterday.
Anyway today I took the bull by the horns. Put in a complaint to the police about this mans bullying tactics, put in a compaint with the legal dept at our local housing office and promptly got them a new house from a local agency. Its been a bit of an expensive exercise, but worth it if it means we can sleep at night.
So this weekend we are moving them, that should get a few pounds off. Mind you, can't see I can do a lot more than supervise. (see there are some upsides to feeling sore, you can sit back and watch others work without feeling guilty)..lol
Aww Bonita there's no wonder you were so down yesterday sweetheart. Good for you for getting your son out of there and finding them somewhere they will be much more settled. Don't you just hate it when arseholes take advantage of the vunerable. Wish your son and his girlfriend all the happiness in the world and I really hope they feel more comfortable in their new home. Big hugs to you Bonita and make sure you crack that whipxxxx
What a terrible landlord hope your son will be much happier in his new home. You must be so relieved he let it slip and that you were able to sort it. Hope the police do something about it. Your poor son and his girlfriend. Take care.
Went to see Dr VJ my optician at the hospital. i haven't seen her since about a month before my op and expected her to say something about the weight loss but she never said a word.
She simply sat me at the machine, asked me to put my head in the contraption and proceeded to check my eyes. Afterward she sat back, looked me in my now very pink eyes and said...'unbelievable'. 'What is' I asked thinking she was talking about my eyes.
'Your weight loss', she said, pointing out that every other time I'd visited, I'd had to use the portable machine because I couldn't reach into the normal one because of my boobs getting in the way and my size. She wanted to see if I could do it, which was why she hadn't said anything when I walked in.
I didn't even realise I'd sat at the normal machine and used it without even noticing, but as daft as it sounds, it was such a huge and emotional moment for me, and for Dr VJ I think, because ultimately it was her that started the ball rolling for all this and before I knew it hubbie was handing out tissues to both of us. How silly of us..lol
Also got weighed again today and thankfully I've lost another six pounds after my gaining a pound last week I'm more than a little relieved. I don't have monthlys because I had a total hysterectomy a few years back but I am noticing that every four weeks or so my weight loss stays the same. Maybe its hormonal, who knows.