i wish id never had the surgery

[katstofat]

in fact i was id died because i knew i wouldnt get the help and suport id need but for once i put my own needs first and it was a big mistake, all i am is a bloody skivy with no right to have anything for myself. they know im not supossed to do any carrying and lifting but do i get help do i eck. my 20year old has all his meals in his room and i now have 2 plates down stars a couple of cups andglasses and hardly any knives, forks and spoons. im constantly asking him to bring them dow but its getting me nowere. the others wont go into his room as they say its a tip (it only gets done wen i cant stand it no more and do it my self i did it before i went in but you wouldnt know).ive just asked him again and told him if i carry them down i will probably cause myself serious injury inside but hes just stormed off back upstairs and slamed his door, that was over 1hr ago and still no sine of anything coming down. my other son is very tidy and gets mad at him and they start to fight but he wont bring them down he says he took them up so he brings them down. wat he does do is empty contents of cups etc. onto toms bed (to teach him a lesson) but hows it getting at tom wen its me who as to wash the bedding and everything. thats wh i as sorry i had the bypass because between them they are going to kill me. i should just have acsepted that i have no right to be happy and healthy and slim cause all im here for is just to be a skivy i was once told i was to fat and ugy to live i should just have accepted i am wat i am

 

[serenitylove]

go get a nice big lock put on your bedroom door go shut yourself in and tell them to fend for themselves , you totally deserve to look after yourself id myself would bugger off soewhere and leave them to it 20 is more than old enough to care for himself his brother and you!

 

[rybens]

oh my word kat you have every right to be fit and well and happy , dont ever say you wish you had died that is awfull, what sort of kids are they to make you feel this way, is there no other suport for you maybe someone who can talk to your boys to tell them how much hell there putting you though, i feel so sad for you but only you can put your foot down with them , they should be looking after you your still in the very early days and if you do your self an injury they would have to sort themselfs out then, you need to be strong for you, your health is what counts now not his scruffy bedroom and his disrespect not only for you but himself, take care x

 

[EmmaLouise81]

I am sorry you feel this way, it can not be easy.

Personally I would starve your son out of his room, if he is hungry enough he will make the trip down the stairs!

You must be so fraustrated, but your recovery is so important right now...as said before you need to put your foot down. Maybe not by yelling but by going on strike....if they are not getting fed or things done for them they might get the point!

 

[tink75]

oh my word poor you - please dont ever say that. its time you put your own needs first and sod them. just leave them too it. you have a right to be healthly and happy and they should want that for you. keep smiling hun x

 

[katstofat]

tom will come and make his own food so he would never starve id just have an almighty mess in the kitchen as well as his room you would not belive how he canbe like this but is so fussy about hi body and his clothes oh hes not bothered about desighner labels and things like that but he wont wear anything twice even if he changes after not having something on for ong he wont wear it again till its been washed and he wont werar anything if its got a mark on it. if your wondering if theres something wrong with him yes there is, he has ADHD with the compulsive dissorder, every thing as to be done in a certan order etc, he has been very hard to live with all his life and he dosnt seem to be geting any better, one escape (if i could put it tht wy) would be if he got married but i dont hold out much hope there cause wat girl would put up with him, saying all that he can be the sweetest most loving son that you could wish for. hes the one who gave me a big hug and kiss wen i was going in for my op, hes the one who gives me a goodnight kiss every night and if anyone ever upsets me hes the first one to jum in and stand up for me. hes just been down and said hes sorry and will bring every thing down ommorow and that he will tydy up in his room. we will see. maybee my outburst and tiers have got through to him but i think it will be a one off till the next time i blow my fuse. im sorry i said those things i am glad ive had the op and that everything has gone fine maybee its post op blues like baby blues wen everything looks worse than it is. i do get help i know i do my husband, who is quite ill at the moment and who im very woried about ( he has beveloped a lot o moles on his back and some look quite nasty, the practise nurse saw them and wanted him to see the GP urgently but he canceled the apointment) sa been great and my daughter has been doing my shopping or comming with me to do any carriying even though she as her own home and two children, one who is dissable, to see to. my other son does things like taking the rubish out and putting the bins out. so im not to bad off i think everything just got to me im not usually like this ill probbly be a lot better tomorow after a goodnights sleep ty for putting up with me.....................kath x

 

[Big an Bouncy]

Kat,adhd or not he is a man of 20 and could be in a place of his own.If he cant live by the rules of your home turf him out.If he lived with anyone other than his mum they wouldnt put up with his antics.He shouldnt be slamming doors and disrespecting you and your husband.Sit everyone down explain that either things change or the door is over there!Its the hardest thing being a mum but you have to come first on your list of priorities.You deserved your surgery as others have,dont ever say you dont deserve to be healthy and happy.This is your time you reared them, now get some happiness for yourself.Maz x

 

[Gail-michelle]

Hi kat 1stly you have every right to be fit and healthy, and dont ever put your self down cause your a lovely person, and 2ndly your son has no respect!!! I wouldnt and couldnt ever put up with it!! Ime afraid he would have to go into the big wide world and see if anyone else would put up with his slobbish behaviour Yep! Kat he would be out on his ear Ime afraid. Try a lil tough love it does wonders believe me Ive done it. He will soon be back with his tail between his legs. But right now all you need to worry about is wait for it! ME! ME! ME! you take care sweetheart Gail.x

 

[Sambucca]

Hi Kat

First of all, I hope you are feeling a bit better this morning now that everyone has had a chance to sleep on things.

I hear what you say about your sons condition, but I do have to agree with the other ladies - He needs to start showing some respect and at 20 he should be doing more for himself.

If it were my child, I would calmly tell him this morning that next time he shows you disrespect you will be evicting him, and that you expect him to start helping with his washing etc from now on.

He's a grown man Kat. You deserve better treatment from your family.

Hope you can persuade your husband to get to the GP to get those moles looked at. xx

 

[kandeechops]

Hope you're feeling better this morning - Start putting yourself first, In a few months you would have lost weight and will feel a whole lot better about yourself & your son, you will cope so much better and be able to take control of the way he treats you and your home, sometimes we feel so down & low about our-self it makes everything else seem so difficult.....So chin up girl everything will be just fine xx ((((big hug))))

 

[strawberry twig]

Morning Kat

I hope your feeling a bit better today.
Were always here for you to talk to or shout at or laugh with. Hope you have a better day today x

 

[hopelesscase]

Hi Kat
I Have worked with many families who have children/young adults with ADHD. One of the most important things is that the behaviour needs challenging but it is important to also explain why you are challenging that behaviour. Because of poor concentration associated with ADHD you will find that you are constantly having to repeat this.
Do you feel that his obsessive behaviours are getting worse? does he have any support from the adult psych team? If i were you i would be looking for some support you shouldnt just put up with the behavoiurs just because of his condition.
Put yourself first for once in your life and when your feeling upto it start challenging the behaviours for his benifit as well as everyone elses.

 

[topsy]

Kat you have every right to be YOU - which is a happy, healthy and inspirational woman. Bypass surgery is no picnic and it is VERY hard both physically and emotionally in all areas of your life. I have had problems since my surgery (health wise) and my recovery has been slow (slower than others) and yes i regret having the surgery because i hate eating now. I have no pleasure, tend to feel yuk afterwards - BUT on the other side of the coin i have lost a fabulous load of weight, when i look into a mirror now i see the old me again which is wonderful because i knew i was in there somewhere. So you have EVERY right to be YOU FOR YOU and tell anyone who says differently to go to hell!!!!

As for you house, housework and sons - leave it to get on with itself. When you are feeling better and stronger you will be able to manage ANYTHING life throws at you and that includes your sons. The important thing is look after yourself you are unique and wonderful.

Sending special hugs with fairy dust xx

 

[katstofat]

ty all yes im feeling a bit better today but very emberased about my little outburst thats not really like me i dont know wat came over me. it sounded very selfish to say i wish id never had it done and so bad to say i wish id died, off course thats not how i feel im over the moon that ive had it done no one could be happier and after all the hard and fantasti work that mr ammori did to say i wish id died is unforgivable. tom is not that bad realy, yes there is the issue with the pots in his room but usually every mrning i bring them down and wash them its just that ive not been abel to lately and though he kept saying hed do it he didnt. ive feelt really well since op , no pain at all but these past few days ive felt very light headed and dizzy and then i got constipated and that made me feel really ill an very lethargicalso ive not had my anti depresants since i came home so maybee it was a combnation of all this and the fact that even though i cant say that im hungry i am missing having propper food..y for understanding and letting me have my ra nt. and your right carol wen i feel up to it things are going to change it may not be overnight but they will change its going to be a new me and not just in how i look.............kath xxxxxxxx

 

[candie]

I can imagine how you're feeling hun, as I had severe probs with my Daughter 4 days after my opThey seem to know when we're weak and vulnerable, and play on it
Now as the others have said, you need to think about you for a change.If he wants to live in a sty let him, and he'll soon get sick of it.Just concentrate on yourself now, as it's very early post op days, and try and get back on the anti ds asap, otherwise you will be on a downward slide xxxx

 

[fairyringuk]

Kat you have had big surgery and are going to feel pants for a while and will get tearful and upset, its part of the process, it is hard enough for you dealing with all the changes you are having to make post op without your son causing you more grief.
I am with Emma I would make him cook his own food for a couple of days he would soon appreciate what you do for him
I understand it must be difficult for you all adjusting but the boys are just going to have to learn to think about you a bit more and not be putting themselves first all the time.
Maybe you should have a go at them more, at any rate you look after you and dont let these boys get you down. As someone else said they are not babies they are men and able to do their own stuff, dont be a dogsbody for them Kat...........it is you who needs looking after at the moment
Take care Kat, keep your chin up and know that we all care

Jay xx