Last straw (Updated)

[Mixman]

Well I'm putting this here as I'm fed up and want to get it off my chest!

Last year we went through a terrible time with my eldest step-daughter. Basically she'd been going on chat rooms and had exchanged mobile numbers with a guy who she didn't know. Ended up with really disgusting text messages I found and reported it to school who suggested I get in touch with police. She got her laptop and phone confiscated and they took them apart and read it all. No one was charged but 1 15 year olds parents were rudely awakened at 5:30 in a morning and that's the last we heard. Stepdaughter was formally interviewed and videod in case the police were going to press charges. At the time no one knew how old this guy was. Turned out he was 15 but who no one was to know.

We took MSN, Facebook etc off her and her younger sister.

Anyway, things have got steadily better, trust built back up, they've had MSN for a bit now but policed. So they asked for Facebook back, which I was going to set up. But then on the eldests Pc when trying to find email for password reminder, I find she's been going on MySpace, talking to people she doesn't know, chat rooms again

So then I looked on the younger stepdaughters, she's 12, (I use something that logs everything secretly so they don't know but they do know I can see what they been up to) she's been going on chatrooms and a lad said she was fit, straight away she gives him her email address and adds him on MSN!!!! Doesn't know a thing about him!! And this was when she was upset last year because of the danger her sister had put herself into!!

Anyway, I've gone potty and broke and binned the laptops! They just haven't learned and have been sneaky in stuff and we can't trust them!!

 

[SOON SLIM SUE]

awwwwwwwww mixy, teenagers aye, who'd have them!!!!!!!!!!
well done for looking after their safty.
you may have to wait a few years for a thank you though.

 

[nothing to like anymore]

I think uve done the right thing. I too have a daughter and I'm dreading the time when she goes on the Internet (she's currently four). The Internet is amazing but it's also a curse and enables peverts as nutters a mask to hide behind. Good on ya mixman!

 

[Louanne79]

The thing is - and I don't want to be controversial here - but what about places that they have access to the Internet that you can't police? School, library, friends houses?
If they want to do something, they'll find a way. Take it from someone who knows!!
I know it must be hard - and I'm not a parent - but now you've done what you've done, are you going to have to tell them why? Are you not concerned about the fact that they more than likely won't appreciated having been spied on. Trust is important in all relationships.

 

[HiddenBeauty]

I'm sorry but I don't agree with anything that you did.

Yes look out for their safety but there are better ways around it.

Have you looked into anger management? It sounds like you might have a bit of a problem.

 

[Big an Bouncy]

Anger management?Are you for real?This guys kids could be in serious danger!Good job they were not my kids cos they would of been chastised the old fashioned way the second time.I am all for second chances but they wont learn by pussy footing around them.Good on you Mixxy, a good stepfather in my book!Maz x

 

[nothing to like anymore]

I have experienced first Hand the dangers of trusting people with your children and having the trust abused. Trust is a beautiful thing but so is knowing your child is as safe as they can be and u have done all you an do. As a parent u have to look out for your children when there too young, naive, inexperienced etc to look after themselves.

I guess it's each to there own when it comes to parenting. You have to do what you can live with.

 

[nothing to like anymore]

Also I have met mixman and he doesn't need Anger management, though a medal for being a good step dad would be good!

 

[DaisyMaesy]

I must say I would rather have them using a computer I had control over. They are left no alternative now but to use, friends' libraries cafe's etc that you will have no control over. I can understand why you have done what you have but think it was a little extreme and you will have lost that ability to secretly know what they are up to. I trust they do not have internet phones?

I think anger management might also be a little OTT, you have done this because you care rather than they have disobeyed you. It's a bit like smoking and drinking, we spout on about how bad it is but they will still try to find out for themselves

 

[Bev]

Parenting & all of the trials and tribulations that go with it...

I would feel equally as protective and there are times when you just can 'lose' it particularly when you have tried so hard.

On balance... even though it's an expensive waste with the cost of laptops... what I hope does come out of this is that they remember for life how much this has upset you my dear friend, that they take something from this experience and it's a wake up call.

You have clearly had enough and there is always only so much you can do... on top of all of your great efforts in supporting the girls... the risk is them becoming more isolated and devious... where is their Mother in all of this and don't take it all on your shoulders please Mixxy, you not only have a busy job, but I always put you first and it's not fair for you to be working like you do and having major upsets at home.

They have been given a warning with all of this today... I'd be calling a family meeting and no one would be moving until we'd straightened a few things out...

What can't be resolved would be carried forward to a forthcoming meeting and my kids always knew when we called a 'board meeting' we meant business when they were growing up...

Kids... where would we be without them. They take you to the brink don't they at times...

In the end they will learn by their mistakes and so be it... you can only do so much precious.
Love and hugs always to you Mixxy xxx

 

[cherry]

Anger management??....... have you children?.... mixxy doesnt need anger management at all!!!....

he s a loving caring supportive dad who has the hardest thing in the world to do and thats raise teenage kids, girls at that, he s only human, and the frustration, anxiety, worry, that he had last year prob came back like a ten tonne lorry right in the solar plexus! when he seen it resurfacing again, he had to face a potential peadaphile had been in contact with his daughter last year, how horrific is that!, so seeing it surface again, i can completly understand why he has reacted the way he has! and you know what, how can you trust your daughters when there lying?!?.... so no, i completly disagree louanne, trust is EARNED and im afraid his girls have not earned mixxys trust! while your at it mixxy you should be grounding them, confiscating all phones , internet, going out with friends, and monitering ALL friends until they have proven to be responsible adults, if they want these lets face it 'luxurys' then they need to be respected and earned

your doing a brilliant job with these girls, as step children it doesnt make them any diff to 'blood children' mixxy, you have EVERY right to step in and do what your doing! i think its fantastic and if only all children who live in step families had the support and care and security you offer mixxy! xxxxxxx

 

[DaisyMaesy]

Wise words Bev and Kelly

 

[Rolanda]

Kids are hard work and it must be so worrying having teenage girls. I have a 2 sons 19 and 17 and have been very very lucky with them and the way they use the internet although to be fair when they were younger we did not have internet only actually got on line at the end of 2004. However I also have twins aged 2 girl/boy and the speed of todays technology terrifies me. I am not very good with computers and my two big boys help me out but when the twins are at an age they want to access all these sites I have no idea how to police what they are doing.
I am guessing your girls probably hate you at the moment but one day they will realise you have their best interests and safety at heart.
Keep up the good work Mixy.
Theresa xx

 

[Bev]

As a parent, I agree with guiding our kids... even if they think we are harsh... if we don't pull them up what sort of parent's would we be... I tell my grown up kids 'exactly how it is' even now, because I know it's coming from the heart and I still feel I'm doing my best by being honest, even if they don't like it!

All you can do is your best... if they want to continue making mistakes... then they have to learn the hard way... but they do push your patience at times...

Hoping that they get the message Mixxy... if not, then no one can ever say you haven't tried your best.

Love and hugs xxx

 

[Mixman]

We have a house computer that they can use for their homework etc. How can you say about trust when they've obviously broken the trust by doing something we all got the police and social services involved with!!!

Anger management? It's not something I did in a temper. I talked to my partner about and we decided it was for the best!!!! When you've read text messages on your 13 year old daughters phone about some guy cumming all over your then 13 year old daughter try telling me not to get a bit protective then!!!! They both KNEW we can keep tabs on them and they CHOSE to disobey the rules.

 

[Big an Bouncy]

Damn right Mixxy,with you all the way.

 

[Louanne79]

Anger
and you know what, how can you trust your daughters when there lying?!?.... so no, i completly disagree louanne, trust is EARNED and im afraid his girls have not earned mixxys trust!

I agree with you completely on that Kelly, what I was thinking more is about the girls being able to trust their parents enough to tell them things. Sometimes, we can all be over-protective, and as a kid it's hard to appreciate, so instead of being open they become secretive. It's a fine balance, and I'm sure it must be difficult. I really don't envy Mixxy in this sitation.

 

[cherry]

no me neither sweets, keep em as young as you can hey x

 

[Louanne79]

We have a house computer that they can use for their homework etc. How can you say about trust when they've obviously broken the trust by doing something we all got the police and social services involved with!!!

I have to say when I said about trust, I hadn't noted the part about them knowing you could check their activity. For that, I apologise.
It's an awful sitation but teenagers will be teenagers, and regardless of how serious or dangerous we know things are - or could get - if they want to do something they will find a way. Short of locking them up or being with them 24/7, which is surely impossible, there's always going to be opportunities for them to do the things you don't want them to do. Maybe they will have to learn the hard way, and as hard as that may be for you as a parent, sometimes it's the only way.

Like I replied to Kelly, I really don't envy you here.

 

[Louanne79]

no me neither sweets, keep em as young as you can hey x

This would be why I only have pets - I'm not ready for these trials and tribulations yet!
xXx