Last straw (Updated)

[Bev]

Likewise, I hear my children spelling it out just like we did and they seem to have adopted the 'safety first' policy in life... thankfully... all the years of hard work and perseverance (and removing plugs) have paid off!

We have a duty to do all we feel we can and it's not something you can learn in a text book.

I'm all for dismantling if there's bad behaviour, there's no way I'd stand back.

Love and hugs everyone xxx

 

[tkdlass]

Bev my mum used to cut the plug off the wire if i plugged something back in.

 

[dottychic]

Lol...Ive done that too, thats how I learned how to put plugs back on XX

 

[tkdlass]

Yeh i was told if i wanted it back i'd have to rewire the plug and fix the wires. lol

 

[Bev]

Haha... well I'd have sorted you for sure.. because the next step is the electricity off... and I've done that when he's refused to turn down his music... haha... xxx

 

[Katkit1]

Mixxy - You have had to deal with a very difficult situation, that has continued on from a previous episode.

I salute you for having the balls to discipline the kids in the best way for them; that they will never forget!

We don`t get rule books on raising kids - and we can cry as many times as them with worry as they grow up!

When and if, they are parents themselves one day they will see you did what you did out of love and and concern.



Take care hun x



Love Kat x

 

[Grace]

Mixy first can I just give you a virtual hug because this was a horrible situation to have to deal with a second time.
Secondly - well done. Sadly there are lots of bad people out there looking for foolish and vulnerable kids to groom, manipulate and abuse. I know this only too well as an ex probation officer and social worker. And sadly even a 15 year old boy could be one of thise bad people. The youngest sex offender i worked with was 10. It happens folks. Age is no safety criteria.
Your kids broke trust after you'd warned them and they should've known better. Now they have to regain your trust and their mum's.
Not sure i'd have bust the laptops but that's me just being careful with money! I'd definitely have them grounded and take all technology off them.

They may be very angry at you now, but they'll thank you in later life.
parenting doesn't come with a manual and it's the toughest and most responsible job in the world.
I take my hat off to you.
Grace xxx

 

[Mixman]

In all fairness they were 2nd hand when I got them and were just over £100 for the pair.

I have no limit to the cost of their safety.

I don't cover them in cotton wool. They are allowed boyfriends, they do go out to their friends and parties, we let them go in town on their own. But we always tell them that they know what behaviour we expect of them.

They are both out tonight at seperate friends for sleep-overs. They have had their punishment, I'm not a tyrant! It will do them good and us good to have the space and time to reflect.

Please don't have a go at other people in this thread for their opinions. No matter how much you disagree, there are always people that think different. Don't fall out, it's not worth it.

I know that they will chose to do what they do but they know that there are rules in their house. I know that their friends will have computers, there are internet café's, they have their phones (For now) but I will do my best to try and keep them safe, but most of all, grow up knowing that I love them and despite me not being their father, I have done my very best to protect them even though that might be far from their thoughts at the moment.

 

[cherry]

mixxy that should be the end post to this thread!!!! very very well said xx

 

[phatmomma]

Mixster, we should take you off this weight loss seminar business and get you out to the schools telling all the kids it's not an easy job being a parent! I sometimes think it actually starts getting harder as our children reach teen years....

You are doing a cracking job of being dad, keep it up, the girls will thank you in years to come!

 

[tkdlass]

Haha... well I'd have sorted you for sure.. because the next step is the electricity off... and I've done that when he's refused to turn down his music... haha... xxx

OH Bev that was my mothers pet pev my msic she HATED it (i'm a metal head and have been since eary teens) she hates my music even to this day but for me music is everything i play music everyday for hours on end but in the house i played it loud and to this day i still do play it loudly but the ceiling in this house are HIGH and the walls are like four feet deep plus the sound of traffic so what souns loud is actually really quiet.

 

[Dell]

I have a very difficult teen daughter and have taken a hammer to her ipod in the past in.anger over something oops..... I'm very mild mannered normally! I applaud your actions and one day they will realise what you did was important xx

 

[tkdlass]

In all fairness they were 2nd hand when I got them and were just over £100 for the pair.

I have no limit to the cost of their safety.

I don't cover them in cotton wool. They are allowed boyfriends, they do go out to their friends and parties, we let them go in town on their own. But we always tell them that they know what behaviour we expect of them.

They are both out tonight at seperate friends for sleep-overs. They have had their punishment, I'm not a tyrant! It will do them good and us good to have the space and time to reflect.

Please don't have a go at other people in this thread for their opinions. No matter how much you disagree, there are always people that think different. Don't fall out, it's not worth it.

I know that they will chose to do what they do but they know that there are rules in their house. I know that their friends will have computers, there are internet café's, they have their phones (For now) but I will do my best to try and keep them safe, but most of all, grow up knowing that I love them and despite me not being their father, I have done my very best to protect them even though that might be far from their thoughts at the moment.

Mix i hope they come to reaize that you've only got their safety at heart because this is what it all comes down to safety of them both.

Once there home from there sleep-overs maybe they've calmed some and will want to talk about things.

Good luck to you all and i hope that this issue is over.

 

[E_Squared84]

That's right hun. U have to keep your eyes on your kids. However they r going to do what they want. Maybe they need something to occupy their time so they won't have to be on the computer. Like community centers and such.

 

[Bev]

Call me old fashioned... I really don't mind... but I have always kept a firm handle on my kids when they were growing up and if they stepped out of line, they were reeled in fast... or as soon as I found out... I didn't squish them for 'minor' things... but telling fibs... was one of the things I did drop on and from a great height.

Kids are going to have to be a 'weeny' bit devious to survive the playground and aspects of life... but taking responsibility for their own actions and learning right from wrong should in my opinion start in the home and continue in school...

I don't believe in punishment in terms of the cane although I had it myself at school... I'm glad they stopped all of that and I had the pump for being late... but it's the discipline that I remember best from my tough upbringing and it made me decide which way I wished to go... you can go one way or the other (even in between) but for sure... I think good manners, good behaviour and allowing kids to be kids and enjoy their upbringing with a boundary of ground rules was how we worked with our kids and it's a good help, if like me you have your partner on your side... my husband works with offenders and there's nothing he hasn't seen, so between my career and his our kids had a watchful eye... but were also I must say... given all the love and encouragement in the world... but behaviour was addressed and corrected.

A tough battle at times...

Let me just make you laugh as I conclude on this... we had a hoard of mice in our garage... hubby and I were fighting a battle to get rid and had a huge load of traps etc etc... we never caught them... and then we stumbled on the little banquets of food our children had been collectively providing for the mice and they'd set off the traps that we laid.. haha.. now that ... I said was really an act of compassion and something I could have seen myself doing as a child... we just locked the garage door and sorted the mice but the kids still recall episodes of how they 'outwitted' us and that is one of the stories they tell...

We don't want to make our kids devious, but responsible.

Life is about taking responsibility and shaping children to become responsible citizens... in a framework of love and boundaries.

Thanks Mixxy for highlighting this issue, as parents we all have the same duty and responsibility to do all we can even if it's 'tough love' to guide our children on their path.

Love and hugs to everyone xxx

 

[J-Mo]

Mixy I'm with you 100%. I've got 2 teenage lads & monitor everything they do online, without their knowledge & in my opinion it comes down to good parenting.

God knows what I'd be like if I had daughters. It was bad enough finding a lewd text on my son's phone when he was 12 from a lass who was 16. It was vile & disgusting. I found out who she was & went to see her mother. I'll not post on here what I said but there was a threat of several broken bones if her daughter contacted my son again. Luckily she didn't but I was shocked, disgusted, upset & very concerned with the contents of the text. So maybe I do need anger management but as long as my babies are safe then so be it!!!!

I live in Sunderland & not too far away from me (Darlington) a young lass met up with a 'fit young lad' she met on Facebook. Turns out he wasn't young or look anything like his profile photo & he murdered the poor girl after raping her.

As for going on Facebook etc at school, its actually banned in my sons school. Mixy your step-daughter are extremely lucky to have such a caring step-dad & they will realise this when they are older!

Take care & good luck

 

[Jacquera]

I want to thank Mix for his original post, it has made me think. All three of my children have facebook, my eldest is nearly 18 so except for being her friend and keeping an eye on posts, I let her get on with it, she is pretty sensible. My youngest two though are under thirteen and shouldn't really have accounts, but they worried me into it and I said yes just as though I knew the password. No problem with my 12 year old lad, he only really plays the games anyway because as he has special needs, he can't read and write. But my 11 year old girl is another matter. I tried to log onto her account today, not done it for ages due to being really ill after bypass. Anyway, she has changed her password which is not acceptable to me. So I am going to tell her, she either changes it back to the one I set for her, so I can access her account and make sure everything is right, including the security settings, or she will lose facebook and the laptop I let her use.

So thanks again for helping me to see through the fog of recovery to what is really important.

Jacki.

 

[Jacquera]

She changed it back with no problem, have checked her account and everything is as it should be. Privacy settings are as I set them, facebook sometimes mess around with them so everyone can see profile so needed to make sure that wasn't the case. Friends are people I or her big sister know and no boys except her age and there was only a message from a friend of mine for her to be a neighbour for frontierville.

Jacki.

 

[lamornamiss]

As for going on Facebook etc at school, its actually banned in my sons school.

Hate to tell you this!
But facebook and chat rooms are banned at every school but the little darlings find their way around all the blocks the schools put on

 

[madstaffyblonde1]

Mixx I totally agree with you, I am sometimes seen by other kids as the mother they would all love to have, I can talk to both my kids (lad 17, girl 16) about anything and they can talk to me, even about things that I really don't want to no about but the fact they come to me makes me feel we have the right balance.

Both my kids have computers/Internet in there room and I can go check on anything they have been on, if it needs a password I have it, if I don't then they are not allowed on it, its as simple as that.

My daughter whom is now nearly 16 also had to be interviewed by video link aged 9 for possible grooming and I no exactly where Mixx is coming from it is the most terrifying thing I have ever felt. Not only the fact that this could of been happening under my nose (it was a guy in the next street) but the fact I felt so guilty that I hadn't been able to protect her and keep her safe. Under the circumstances I would have done the same as Mix did and no I don't have anger problems either.

I take my hat off to you Mixx not only have you taken on someone else's kids, but you clearly love and care for them alot and one day they might just realize how lucky they are to have someone like you in there life to look after them and keep them safe. Keep up the good work