Last straw (Updated)

[drylaw]

was only wondering

i do think mix was rite to do what he felt was right at the time i would probably have done the same and yes i have children (boys not girls but i still worry about them)
as for them gaining access in other places they could have been doing that already ....as for schools most schools dont allow access to web chat sites for that reason
they probably wont thank him for what he has done but in time they will see he had their best interests at heart

 

[Bev]

I'm sticking my neck out here... and trying to calm this thread, because for sure, Mixxy came and posted on here at a time of need and we need to encourage our wls family to post when things are not working out ... so we can support and show some understanding.

This is exactly what I am intending to do... show some understanding.

As a parent, I have many times felt exasperated particularly during the teenage years... when you are unable to get through and feel passionately about reaching the youngster in a well meaning way... there are various ways of delivering our message.

I have to say, if any of my children stepped out of line... they were hauled in at a rapid rate of knots... we never always succeeded in solving every issue, but if you are faced with a situation where trust has been broken, someone is providing expensive equipment (that Mixxy will have worked for) it's not taken lightly when you feel frustrated enough to 'end' the behaviour by terminating the laptop.

I feel that a lot more understanding should be afforded to Mixxy and for sure he can count on me... because having been there many times as an exasperated parent, it's better to dismantle a laptop rather than some of the alternatives.

If the kids start to sneak around and find a way, which is not impossible, then you have done everything possible to try and drop heavily on this situation by removing the laptop... I would have been very upset by this too and the main house rule that we have always lived by is 'safety first'...

So naturally, we can't all agree, but we can try and show a little care and understanding for difficult situations and whatever we do, we must always be polite in our answers on threads and exercise some basic rules... in the same way we try to instil these in our children.

Sorry, but I believe in parents being firm but caring and if you can't get through then I wouldn't be giving and giving in continually to reinforce behaviours that I was trying to discourage... if Mixxy, who is the saviour to many, dismantled the laptops in order to make his point, then he'd have my blessing for sure and I hope the girls will one day realise that he was hoping to shock them into realisation.... when it's too late it is too late and discipline goes hand in hand with understanding.

I would never allow my children to walk over us and thankfully they have all turned out to be honest citizens who are productive and show respect for others.

Love and hugs as always Mixxy xxx

 

[lisa x]

Mixxy..for what its worth I think you have done the right thing...I tip my hat to you .
I also hope this doesn't cause to many problems between you and your OH though..
xxx

 

[Mixman]

The thing what people don't have is perspective. Imagining the first time something like this happened. Imagine reading a 13 year old childs text messages about performing disgusting sexual acts. This from a person that nobody knew how old she/he was. The first time we got the police involved and social services and the school. The police thought it serious enough to take the laptop and phone away to get the messages/content that had been deleted off there. Interviewed my stepdaughter on video with a consideration of taking someone to court with a charge of grooming. Stopping a possible paedophile! It was very very hard times for everyone. Myself, well, she was 'ONLY' my step daughter but I wanted to get to the bottom of it. It turns out that it was a 15 year old boy and IF he had set off to meet my stepdaughter, they would have charged him BUT the law is hard for them as even though times and dates to meet were arranged, the police can't actually do anything unless this person actually sets off to meet.

Now, if only it's made 1 person to be put 'on the radar' then I'm happy for people to have had hard times.

Now after a stern talking to by the police, social etc about what is acceptable and what is dangerous, she was allowed, after some time, to have the laptop back. Now there has been instances where 'things' don't add up, history being deleted etc etc that caused for concern. So to stop this I installed a software programme that takes screen shots. It's not a key logger. Plus it was with the consent of the girls and their mother and so the point about it being illegal is totally crap!

 

[Bev]

It's a long story isn't it Mixxy, painful and terrifying... particularly when we are trying to guide and assist our youngsters (particularly girls).

In view of everything, I would have done similar, because it is so difficult to get youngsters to listen at times and sometimes we have to do something which may make them listen ... e.g., I've taken plugs of things when my son has been obnoxious about various things and he would not behave and until he behaved he did not get them back.

Sorry if it's firm and sounds like heavy handling, but when all else fails... then I would dismantle the equipment.

Love and hugs xxx

 

[phatmomma]

Mixxy i'm with you 100%. They had a chance and you thought they'd learned a lesson but they didn't.

Sometimes in life you have to be hard. You only need to give a little bit of leeway and they'll take the earth.

I am a very strict mom and try so hard not to show a little bit of weakness because children will use you and take advantage...

As a mom of 13 & 11 yr old girls i agree with your protectiveness completely. There are two many perverts out there hoping against all the odds that parents like you and me are not vigilant...

You watch every step the little darlings make Mixxy. I do, i'm proud of the fact i police my daughters phone, i told her no b/f and i mean it the minute i detect different i'll be taking the phone and escorting her everywhere.....

Good on ya mate xx

 

[tkdlass]

100% behide you here Mix you did the right thing.

 

[thinnerangela]

I have to say that I agree that Mixxy had to take action - the trust that had been placed had been broken.

I banned MSN some years back as I disapproved of some of the user names of my daughter's "friends" - she started an account in a different name and I changed her password!!

They were left in no doubt computers would be confiscated if it happened again.

By the time my youngest was old enough for Facebook the eldest was old enough to join herself and I had no control - the youngest had to come to me and ask before accepting any friends requests and chatting! I could see her internet use on the parental controls and had access to her password - or no Facebook!!

I was horrified to find they could access it on iPods - I still policed though - she is 16 now and I legally have no rights to interfere but she still asks.

My point - we all parent in the way we think fit - we either do it like our parents or rebel against that - or find a middle road.

In my opinion
a) nobody has the right to criticise Mixxy in such a negative manner if they have never met him - I haven't
b) criticising is a bit unjust if one doesn't have children of their own or is a step-parent.

making the laptops unuseable in my opinion was extreme - but NOBODY knows what goes on behind closed doors except those there

xxx

 

[cherry]

mixxy dont explain yourself babe, you ve done what you as a parent feels necessary, then that means its absolutly the right thing to do, nobody is a perfect parent, and views will differ on parenting, aslong as a parent can put there hand on there heart and say they did the best that they could do, you can ask no more....

everything you have done id have done to!

love kel xxx

 

[sugga]

Hi Mixxy, I can totally relate and understand where you are coming from.

I have had this sort of thing with my daughter during the past 2 years...she is 15 now.

I have had to involve the police on many occasions, and really how much are we supposed to take.

Its heartbreaking for me, and even now the problem is still going on.

My worry is, is that when a child turns 16 in the eyes of the law there is nothing we can do as they become adults.

Thinking of you mixxy and supporting you with this awful and frightning situation xxx

 

[angie790]

It's a difficult situation to be in....as parents we try to juggle allowing our children to feel their feet in a world we ourselves never grew up in, whilst protecting them from their own innocence & naivity from others who would wish to harm them...it's not an easy task & we don't get a manual with them!

Been through exactly the same situation as Mixxy with my teenage daughter on Bebo & FB (inc. some hard-core pictures being sent to her, lovely).....now, whilst personally I certainly wouldn't have broken the laptop, I would have taken it away & kept it locked up for the fore-seeable future, which is what I did in my situation, along with some ranting & raving about the risks of chatrooms etc. When she finally got the laptop back, I installed tight parental controls onto it which prevents her from going into chatrooms & blocks bascially any undesirable sites/activity.

I think Mixxy did what he felt was the best thing in his circumstances, even if we may not all have done what he did it (as in the breaking of the laptop bit.). I know I would happily do time if anyone touched/hurt my daughter, so it's not that different I suppose, as in I would resort to violence without a second thought to protect my own.

 

[Zionaka]

good on you mixxy, I think you did the right thing.

The thing is when something goes wrong and our children get hurt or into trouble society points the finger squarely at the parents to aportion blame. You are being a responsible parent.

 

[sugga]

My daughter has her own laptop which she is not allowed to use now, but she also has a Ipod which she can get internet with and also her phone has internet connection.

Teenagers are very wise these day and even if i take her phone of her she has a back up phone which iv been told she uses with a different number....as parents we can go on forever cant we.

She has been begging me for her ipod back all day today and i have said no and i mean no...she will get herself into trouble again though..she does not learn. xxx

 

[dottychic]

Can I just reiterate what I said earlier, I have personnal experience that there are indeed pedophiles on the internet. We all know that children can be at risk outside the home too and indeed inside the home sometimes but this doesnt mean we dont protect them the best way we know how and that includes policing their use of the internet.
In my opinion Mixxy did right, the girls obviously didnt learn anything so he is trying another approach, as parents that is what we have to do.
The thing is we all talk to one another on here and make assumptions that people are who they say they are....they might not be but we are adults, we choose to accept what we are told, or not. Young girls and boys under the age of 16 are not. Thats why we have to make the rules, to keep them safe even if all they think they are doing is having fun!

 

[cherry]

here here dotts!!!!

 

[Bev]

I couldn't agree more Dotty. We have the advantage of having been able to meet up, I can see you and those that I have met on here because we have met each other, but likewise we do try to do all that we can to take everyone at face value and we are adults... but the internet has lead to many downfalls and fatalities and there is no going back.. so for sure.. as I said earlier ''safety first'' has been our first house rule and even in adult life... you cannot be too careful.

Love and hugs Mixxy xxx

 

[tkdlass]

Dotty - I couldn't agree more.


Remember as well people the law hasn't cought up with the internet yet and the gov''t doesn't seem bothered either.
So parents out there with Teens have to do the policing themselves. This is why their is so many rapes and killings and suicides.

 

[ruthw]

mine have to have me as a friend on fb or they cant have it 15 and 14, there dad goes mad saying that anyone could make up an id or profile ,but stuck in catch 22 because of peer preasure because all their friends have it.so im like you want to trust them and do but dont trust others out there and iremember being told of by my dad for things like this and iddint thanbk him then like they dont thank me now just think im being a kill joy

 

[ruthw]

p.s rather be a kill joy than a visit to the morgue ...so well done you .

 

[dottychic]

They will understand more as they get older Ruth, my daughter in 29 now and she hated me for years lol....I was a strict Mum, bue she has 2 daughters now aged 8 and 3 and she understands so much and says she will be exactly the same as I was XX