Long Termers: Who are you now, since losing weight?

[Benrese]

Hello to all,

I have really been thinking about this subject, and it factors greatly into my life currently. The subject is about who you are now, since you have had weight loss surgery.

I have created a video to share my thoughts about this here.

I am coming to realize that I very much had my identity wrapped up in my size. Of course, this was not done on purpose, it's something that just happens over time I suppose. I was a "Big Girl" I was a "BBW", I was going to be the best big girl I could be!

I wore flashy clothes and was very animated. Because I did You Tube videos all the way through my weight loss, I have the ability to go back and actually SEE how I was projecting myself.

To be honest. I have not had the heart-until this past weekend to go back and start watching some of them. But when I did, I was not as bothered as I thought I would be. More, I was intrigued at the way I looked and spoke and the confidence which came across in some ways, and the insecurities in other ways.

Since I lost the weight, as I say in my video-I turned slightly "beige" in my style. I've sort of become lost on what I look like and how I fit in. This weekend was one of the first times I started to feel a bit...for lack of better words "sassy" again. (Are you laughing at my word? LOL!).

Did you go crazy after you lost the weight? Did you start chasing boys/girls? Did you go underground? (I did!). In what ways are you now different, but you never expected?

Feel free to watch the video, as I go more in depth about my own experience. I also ask others to please jump in with their own experiences, as I think it would be a massive help to me and others too!!

Many thanks and have a lovely rest of the day!

Cheers,

 

[Samsara]

I'm still pre-op so not there yet! However, I listened to your post with interest and it made me want to view one of your old videos (you say you made them through your weight loss). Do you have a link for one you think is a good representation of the old you?

I found you - no need to post link

 

[Benrese]

Hiya Samsara!

I was just about to start digging. Yes, sounds like you found me. For others-my first You Tube was "Lacyanna" if you are interested. I tell you though, it is STILL so strange even to me to see these!!

If you post to the old channel, I won't be able to reply-however. I am still trying to dig up my old information-was not sure if I wanted to keep my old videos with my new, anyway. So-feel free to come back to LacyannaLiving and post comments!

Cheers,

I'm still pre-op so not there yet! However, I listened to your post with interest and it made me want to view one of your old videos (you say you made them through your weight loss). Do you have a link for one you think is a good representation of the old you?

I found you - no need to post link

 

[Yvessa]

hi hon, just wanted to let you know I've watched it and looked at some of your older stuff...going away to think on it now.

 

[wannabeminime]

I'm not a long termer yet, but i just wanted to say how preeeety you are!!

 

[Yvessa]

Okay so I've been thinking about this all day. And I've been wondering - you say you feel your larger self was more sexy. For me sometimes I miss the comfort of my larger self. Miss the fact that nobody really saw the inside me - I preferred to keep her hidden. Because they never saw the real me, they couldn't judge the real me - just the fat me. Dunno if that makes sense, but that's where I'm at right now. I look in the mirror and I see a dream. Not a reality. But at the same time I actively want to be that dream and that person feels a certain way, moves a certain way etc. And its hard to reconcile that image with who 'me' really is. I dunno if that makes any sense or just sounds like rambling lol.

 

[penelope1008]

Like you I was loud & larger than life at times & others I'd want to hide away. Now I fluctuate emotionally in much the same way, personality wise I'm quieter, but both pleased & embarrassed by the positive comments & the people who do double takes or don't recognise me. Emotionally I am much quieter & struggle with depression partly I think from emotions I've hidden from for years added to by the struggle to deal with my eldest who has mental health problems & dealing with him & not myself has triggered my own depression. I love my new slimmer shape when clothed & the wobbly bits are contained & restrained, naked its a different story the sagging stomach the creases & folds from stretch marks & excess skin. If I don't look I can ignore it but it doesn't stop me being self conscious. The risks of plastic surgery against the gains, the costs etc & whether if will really be happier with it than without are playing through my mind these days & as to the answer for me personally I don't know. I'm not sure I deserve it or am even mentally in a place where it would make a positive mental difference as well as the physical difference. I'm waiting to start counselling & take my meds daily to help me cope until then & for as far beyond as I need it until I'm strong enough to stand on my own two feet again. I don't think the changes in me are all related to my surgery but were there hidden even from myself until I couldn't hide from them anymore. I don't regret my surgery, its made me healthier physically I just need to heal myself mentally now.

 

[Benrese]

Bless! I had to smile, as that made my day!! Thank you!!

I'm not a long termer yet, but i just wanted to say how preeeety you are!!

 

[Benrese]

Wow!! I have to honestly say that what you have posted here is as close to my deepest feelings about being exposed more now than before!! Yes-you are exactly right and I relate absolutely!

As a matter-of-fact, I think the next video I do I will talk about this-as you have hit the nail on the head.

I am keeping your post on a little notepad, because I would like to really reflect on it.

Thanks!!!

Okay so I've been thinking about this all day. And I've been wondering - you say you feel your larger self was more sexy. For me sometimes I miss the comfort of my larger self. Miss the fact that nobody really saw the inside me - I preferred to keep her hidden. Because they never saw the real me, they couldn't judge the real me - just the fat me. Dunno if that makes sense, but that's where I'm at right now. I look in the mirror and I see a dream. Not a reality. But at the same time I actively want to be that dream and that person feels a certain way, moves a certain way etc. And its hard to reconcile that image with who 'me' really is. I dunno if that makes any sense or just sounds like rambling lol.

 

[Sophies_dad]

I am over the moon, really like my new self! nov 5th (op day) I was 24.6 stone now I am 18.4, got loads more energy and the journey has been fun! looking forward to summer so I can get out on my push bike. I had a fasting blood test and my cholesterol was 6.8 now it's a healthy 2.8 !! blood pressure has come down to a normal ... love it

 

[Yvessa]

I am over the moon, really like my new self! nov 5th (op day) I was 24.6 stone now I am 18.4, got loads more energy and the journey has been fun! looking forward to summer so I can get out on my push bike. I had a fasting blood test and my cholesterol was 6.8 now it's a healthy 2.8 !! blood pressure has come down to a normal ... love it

I think we all love the health benefits and weightloss. I don't think this post was about that. I think it's more about how we reconcile our new selves with our old. We are not suddenly new people - how much of what was is really us. How much is now? I suspect you may have missed the point.

 

[Sophies_dad]

probably have, skim read the post, remove my post if you like

 

[Benrese]

Hi Penelope,

Gosh, I can relate to you too!! The skin, the depression and all the changes we go through.

Good for you to go to counseling. Just like our weight loss surgery-someone to speak with is simply another tool. I have such hopes that more and more the stigma of depression or anxiety can ease up in our world.

If there are tools to help us, why wouldn't we use them? To me this makes us quite smart and strong!

Thanks for your post and I would love to hear how you get on!

Cheers,

Like you I was loud & larger than life at times & others I'd want to hide away. Now I fluctuate emotionally in much the same way, personality wise I'm quieter, but both pleased & embarrassed by the positive comments & the people who do double takes or don't recognise me. Emotionally I am much quieter & struggle with depression partly I think from emotions I've hidden from for years added to by the struggle to deal with my eldest who has mental health problems & dealing with him & not myself has triggered my own depression. I love my new slimmer shape when clothed & the wobbly bits are contained & restrained, naked its a different story the sagging stomach the creases & folds from stretch marks & excess skin. If I don't look I can ignore it but it doesn't stop me being self conscious. The risks of plastic surgery against the gains, the costs etc & whether if will really be happier with it than without are playing through my mind these days & as to the answer for me personally I don't know. I'm not sure I deserve it or am even mentally in a place where it would make a positive mental difference as well as the physical difference. I'm waiting to start counselling & take my meds daily to help me cope until then & for as far beyond as I need it until I'm strong enough to stand on my own two feet again. I don't think the changes in me are all related to my surgery but were there hidden even from myself until I couldn't hide from them anymore. I don't regret my surgery, its made me healthier physically I just need to heal myself mentally now.

 

[Benrese]

Hiya Sophie's Dad!

No worries. I am happy to hear you are feeling hopeful and excited about your new life on the horizon. It's the miracle of the surgery indeed!

Although we are talking about how we get used to the new us, many people do feel excited and positive from the start-whilst another large group sometimes have an adjustment time. I guess we are the big melting pot of Post Opers!!

Cheers!

I am over the moon, really like my new self! nov 5th (op day) I was 24.6 stone now I am 18.4, got loads more energy and the journey has been fun! looking forward to summer so I can get out on my push bike. I had a fasting blood test and my cholesterol was 6.8 now it's a healthy 2.8 !! blood pressure has come down to a normal ... love it

 

[Yvessa]

Hiya Sophie's Dad!

No worries. I am happy to hear you are feeling hopeful and excited about your new life on the horizon. It's the miracle of the surgery indeed!

Although we are talking about how we get used to the new us, many people do feel excited and positive from the start-whilst another large group sometimes have an adjustment time. I guess we are the big melting pot of Post Opers!!

Cheers!

I think many of us women especially reach this point. It is closely linked I think to our self awareness and ethos. I remember that same wow factor and part of me still really feels that. But part of me is now ready to start looking forward.

 

[Benrese]

Such a very important point, Yvessa! There is a reflection which is really happening for many of us. And as you can see, the contrast between someone like Sophie's Dad and someone like me is quite different. The "glow" has worn off for me and I am now looking at a whole new way to live.

I really appreciate your input!!
Cheers,

I think many of us women especially reach this point. It is closely linked I think to our self awareness and ethos. I remember that same wow factor and part of me still really feels that. But part of me is now ready to start looking forward.

 

[emma-louise]

My "glow" went a long time ago...
It really is like a dream the first year or so.
Now it's different,at times I feel a bit lost...happy I had surgery but...lost!
It hard to explain x

 

[penelope1008]

Thanks Benrese, had an interim call this afternoon from the counsellor & we have our first session on Saturday. She was shocked by comments from my sons mental health team about his latest diagnosis being laud at my door for blame. Starting CBT Saturday with the possibility of different counselling after or in conjunction with it. So fingers crossed I can learn some new behaviours to counteract the old. Time will tell. Certainly don't expect a magic wand but anything that can help should be positive but I also expect to feel worse before I feel better then I shan't raise my expectations to high & make things worse for myself by expecting miracle cures. It took a long time to screw myself up like this so probably a long time for it to work things out.

 

[Lincs Lass]

I'm feeling very very lucky as I had started counselling in the run up to this and she is going to work with me over the next year to deal with things as they arise but this thread has helped me have an idea of things to talk about with her.

(Hi Benrese. It's Suepat10 from the BSWC. My settings wouldn't let me accept messages when we spoke before on here. I've had my op after some false starts and over the moon) x