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Losses and gains

coffeepod

New Member
I thought I'd start my diary now, even though my consultation isn't until Thursday. My loan is approved, my Exante shakes are on the way, my head is ready and I'm excited.

So, as this thread title implies, I'm going to dwell on my losses and gains.

What I want to lose:
The feeling of dread when I meet new people.
Eying up every new environment like some kind of fatness ninja, assessing for potential humiliations.
Avoiding mirrors and cameras.
Feeling like I need to apologise for existing.
Being afraid to eat in public.
Feeling embarrassed for my partner.
Avoiding meeting old friends and seeing family.
The vicious cycle of the world making me feel bad, and food being the only thing that makes me feel good.
Mindless eating.
A twisted relationship with food.
Fear, shame, guilt and the resulting emotional hunger.
Sore back and knees.
Sleep apnoea.
WEIGHT.

What I want to gain:
Confidence.
New hobbies.
New clothes!
Looking forward to dressing up and going out.
Reconnecting with old friends.
A future.
Sleeping well.
Feeling proud.
New habits.
Excitement.

I want to look forward to things. I want to feel positive about my graduation photos, and getting a job at the end of it. I want to lose weight without the usual nagging feeling of 'I'm going to put this all back on.'

I've lost weight successfully before, I've kept it off for a good few years, I just need something else in my toolbox and I think a band is the way forward. I don't expect a magic wand, but I finally feel positive that I can do this.

Roll on the 17th December!
 

beepbeepcat

Well-Known Member
Brilliant post......Nice to just blurrrrrr it out as most of us identify with all those, I do! Good luck on your new journey to become a reconditioned you!
 

Loving the Loop

Well-Known Member
Great start to your diary, all the best on your journey
 
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coffeepod

New Member
Thanks! I'm not sure how I'm going to stay calm between now and then! Luckily I have a physiology exam (luckily?!) a couple of days before so I can at least be keeling myself occupied.
 

los in it

Well-Known Member
Felt like I was reading a post I could have put on here! Brilliant post x
 

coffeepod

New Member
Thanks, it's good to know I'm not alone although I wouldn't wish these feelings on anyone. It's hard to make positive changes when it's an addiction and form of punishment, isn't it?

Luckily I hate pain and vomiting so much I think I'll stick to every rule to avoid getting the dreaded PBs!
 

coffeepod

New Member
Today is a miserable day, I'm already doubting myself and worrying about being another failure statistic!

I think I need to get these negative thoughts under control, they rarely lead to good choices :-/
 

beepbeepcat

Well-Known Member
Try and keep those feelings on a shelf until you can see a therapist? Hoping there is one included in your package
 

coffeepod

New Member
Aargh. Just back from my consultation and he doesn't want to do it :-(

He wants me to see a counsellor and go back in 6 months because he doesn't think I'm in the right place mentally. He said I seemed like I was rushing my decision.

I agree with some of what he was saying but still feel gutted.
 

marz

Member
Aargh. Just back from my consultation and he doesn't want to do it :-(

He wants me to see a counsellor and go back in 6 months because he doesn't think I'm in the right place mentally. He said I seemed like I was rushing my decision.

I agree with some of what he was saying but still feel gutted.

How are you doing coffee pod? There is probably some benefit in delaying the decision. So much of weight loss is about resilience. Even after surgery.
 
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