Funny, I can relate a lot of my life to song lyrics that one above pretty much sums it up.I can sit here and think why didn't I just......
Today, I refuse to look back in anger at what I could have done should have done Today I am a new person.
I was banded 26th of November 2014 and this day will be like a new birthday for me because I feel reborn. Not in a freaky sense but in a I finally feel like I am taking control. All my life I have been doing for others and I finally do FOR ME!
My history can be found here on my preop Diary:
http://www.wlsurgery.com/pre-op-diaries/158135-take-back-start.html
So far -- lots of back pain and shoulder pain this is just wind im sure and i get the odd stinging feeling lower left side where I am assuming my port is. I keep feeling like im gonna tear it infact I am fearful of it!
This site has been so useful for me - I feel that I am justified in feeling the way I feel. When I was in surgery I was in a room with a lady having a bypass and she was so freaked out and her biggest concern was never eating chocolate cake again. In fact she was so concerned she demanded to speak to the surgeon holding up other peoples incl. mine surgery.
I looked at her and saw the fear in her eyes and I decided I will NOT allow food to consume me like this. I will not be sad, I will not grieve. I will struggle through it ask for help when I needed it and ask for forgiveness if I slip. Being a qualified chef my relationship with food has almost been sexual... I loved it... it loved me.... it never cheated it never hurt me well it was hurting me but in a different way. I felt I could confide in it and the answers I got back were those of toasted club sandwiches and croissants filled with ham and cheese (at 3am!). I wrote a breakup letter today to food as I believe mentally I needed to. I explained that we can be friends but that its me not it... used all the classic lines
The pain is bearable but I do worry. I am looking through my face book and other social media and realised I am always holding the camera I avoid photos my son is 5 years old and we have 2 photos together how sad is that?
I have decided to take a step forward I don't want him to judge women like I judge myself. I don't want him to not have memories of me because I felt too fat to allow them.
Today is a new day Ladies... I am taking it!!
All though I am worried im not eating enough I just keep drinking throughout the day.... trying to get at least 3 slimfasts in if not 2 slimfasts and a soup etc. I find the soups easier to drink.
Thats all for me today
- Do this earlier
- Get help sooner
- Stop hanging around the people that made me down
- Just eat less
- Stop the relationship with food
- Own MY choices
- The list goes on....and on...
Today, I refuse to look back in anger at what I could have done should have done Today I am a new person.
I was banded 26th of November 2014 and this day will be like a new birthday for me because I feel reborn. Not in a freaky sense but in a I finally feel like I am taking control. All my life I have been doing for others and I finally do FOR ME!
My history can be found here on my preop Diary:
http://www.wlsurgery.com/pre-op-diaries/158135-take-back-start.html
So far -- lots of back pain and shoulder pain this is just wind im sure and i get the odd stinging feeling lower left side where I am assuming my port is. I keep feeling like im gonna tear it infact I am fearful of it!
This site has been so useful for me - I feel that I am justified in feeling the way I feel. When I was in surgery I was in a room with a lady having a bypass and she was so freaked out and her biggest concern was never eating chocolate cake again. In fact she was so concerned she demanded to speak to the surgeon holding up other peoples incl. mine surgery.
I looked at her and saw the fear in her eyes and I decided I will NOT allow food to consume me like this. I will not be sad, I will not grieve. I will struggle through it ask for help when I needed it and ask for forgiveness if I slip. Being a qualified chef my relationship with food has almost been sexual... I loved it... it loved me.... it never cheated it never hurt me well it was hurting me but in a different way. I felt I could confide in it and the answers I got back were those of toasted club sandwiches and croissants filled with ham and cheese (at 3am!). I wrote a breakup letter today to food as I believe mentally I needed to. I explained that we can be friends but that its me not it... used all the classic lines
The pain is bearable but I do worry. I am looking through my face book and other social media and realised I am always holding the camera I avoid photos my son is 5 years old and we have 2 photos together how sad is that?
I have decided to take a step forward I don't want him to judge women like I judge myself. I don't want him to not have memories of me because I felt too fat to allow them.
Today is a new day Ladies... I am taking it!!
All though I am worried im not eating enough I just keep drinking throughout the day.... trying to get at least 3 slimfasts in if not 2 slimfasts and a soup etc. I find the soups easier to drink.
Thats all for me today
