my hospital experience

[Tonibones10]

im fine thank you i hope you are ok with your eating and drinking now, have you heard anything new about housing? how are you coping? xox

 

[Newmelani]

Hi Viki. How are you my friend? It's been awhile since we chatted. I hope all is well! Love ya girl!

 

[VikiB]

Hi girls,
I'm really sorry I've not been posting lately. Don't worry I haven't sunk back into depression I've just been busy. I am doing alright foodwise today. Yesterday was a horrible day...couldn't keep anything down and I managed to injure my throat so had a bit of bleeding Not happy. I have really good days for a few days then a day of nothing staying...I am going to ask about this at my next check up but for now I've just gotten used to it. Chicken is a horrible thing now...unless it is cooked down to melting point it's a no go for me. Though prawns(always my favorite food) have proven to be my best friend Happy about that! I'm going to try beef for the first time tomorrow but I am going to cook it to melting point so I should be ok and of course veg which I am quickly forming a great love for (no sickly feeling with any so far except raw carrots). I took all my pants in last week and guess what have to do it again this week. I should start buying myself some new clothes but as stated before I'm too cheap to pay £20 for a pair of jeans I will have to take in next week lol. I'm nearly to my second goal of making it to 200 pounds so have started searching for new hair styles (I can't wait it has been 5 years since I had my hair done in a salon). My boobs have started shrinking (happy about that too).
I haven't heard anything about the housing yet but the lady did say it would be around 2 weeks before they get back to me...its been a week yesterday. Hopefully soon. I didn't post anything on facebook on our anniversary (I'm going to try to act like a grown up now lol). He got drunk and told me that no matter what happens I will always be a part of his life because he can't live without me....uhhhh yeah don't count on it love!!! I'm coping just about...I still have meltdown and cry when I really wish I could just walk away but I'm coping as best I can atm. He does wind me up though. Always going on about my smoking (yes I know I need to quit and ????) Yesterday he came in and said Christ I really wish you'd quit that s**t and I answered back!!!! said yeah well I wish you would stop being a scumbag too but that hasn't stopped you has it?? I didn't mean to say it out loud I'm just sick of the things I do being the only things that ever are wrong!!! My smoking, my surgery, my eating now, my going out, my staying in, this forum, blah blah blah why do I need it why do I do it why don't I just have cake when he offers it??? What??? Trying to get better, be better, feel better I need this forum because you all support me and he just tries to tear me down....sorry didn't mean to go into a tantrum. lol
Anyhow thats me...how are all of you?
lots of love always

 

[Tonibones10]

Oh u fantastic womman haha good reply to him haha you don't need that you need support I'm so glad your busy hun its the best way to be, take care Xx

 

[Newmelani]

I'm so glad you stuck up for yourself! It sounds like you are doing so well! How much have you lost now? I'm doing pretty well. Trying to start soft foods.... It's been fairly rough so far. But, trying again today. I've lost 35 lbs so far. I can't wait to get to 200 too! I'm about 13 lbs away. I hope we can chat soon! I miss you!

 

[Tray3004]

Glad ur doin well hun x

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[VikiB]

I tried the beef...didn't manage to eat much at all. One piece of potato a carrot and a very very small piece of beef and I was stuffed and didn't want anymore. I started counting my calories out of curiousity and have found that on a normal day I eat around 400 calories It's not enough and I have no clue how to get it anywhere near 700-800 which is what is suggested since more than 400 seems to make me very sick. So another question for my team at the next appointment. I seem to be at a stand still with the weight lose though weirdly I am still losing inches. I tried ice-cream (don't freak out) and exactly what I thought would happen did. It made me feel VERY sick and I never want it again Yah another junk food off my list permanently My arms are getting saggy so I'm going to get some hand weights and try some toning exercises I rode an exercise bike for 7 miles yesterday (my butt hurts today lol). Been walking further and further. Today is my official lazy day though so I have not done anything at all...still in pjs lol. I feel I've been running full engine for the past two weeks keeping as busy as possible so I'm taking the day off and just having a pamper day. Going to go get a long hot bubbly bath and give myself a facial and then moisturise from head to toe and then have a revitalising nap later Then it's time to restart the engine and find some new things to do lol. Thinking about taking a painting class at the adult college...I'd love to be able to paint. I've also located all of my book parts and my head is now bursting with ideas and story-lines to add to it lol. I'm finally able to wear my smallest pair of jeans and I definitely have to start buying new ones...though I am probably going to do ebay or charity shops for now lol (or george since they are pretty cheap lol)
Anyway hope everyone is well, having a good day and enjoying the warmth. I'm off to get my bubble bath ahhhh!
Love to all always

 

[Newmelani]

It sounds like you're doing amazing! I love to hear that! I'm so proud of you! How much have you lost now? I'm struggling to eat. I have to start off slow in the morning and work up to more solid food later in the day. I'm still on soft food. I need to start walking. I walk so much at work that it was all I could do for awhile. Now I could probably do a bit more. Any new word on the housing? I hope you'll get to move soon.

 

[VikiB]

I've lost nearly 60 pounds now I know what you mean about the food thing...it is really hard for me to eat sometimes and I get sick or feel sick after eating alot of the time. I don't really get hungry much (ocassionally my tummy growls because I have forgotten to eat anything the whole day...weird) and felling/getting sick puts me off a bit and makes me avoid food as well so it's a really hard process for me. It is getting a bit better but I'm not eating enough and I don't know how to fix that really. I'm doing good other-wise and finding reasons to love life again. I haven't heard from the housing people yet but expect to soon. I will still find a way to move anyway I just think it will be easier financially this way so hope it works in my favor
Keep trying with the soft food. Maybe try some turkey mince. Its one of the few things I can eat with no problems at all. Mince in a bit of gravy with some mashed potato yummy
Love ya lots

 

[Newmelani]

Not sure what Turkey mince is.... Do they have that here? I've never heard of it! Ill have to look.... I'm so excited for you my friend! 60 lbs?? Thats amazing! I can just tell you are really starting to blossom! I'm happy for you!

 

[angee]

Not sure what Turkey mince is.... Do they have that here? I've never heard of it! Ill have to look.... I'm so excited for you my friend! 60 lbs?? Thats amazing! I can just tell you are really starting to blossom! I'm happy for you!

Most of the big supermarkets sell turkey mince. Very low in fat.

 

[VikiB]

Its ground turkey meat...like hamburger but turkey instead of beef. It cooks with no fat, produces nearly no fat and it is easier on new pouches than beef. I'm sorry I always forget you are in US...forgive me.
Love and hugs

 

[VikiB]

Went to my diabetes clinic check up today and my thyroid is working better and the meds are being taken down, my diabetes is ok still no need for meds, my blood pressure is normal with no meds, only problem is I have blood in my urine. Bit worried about that but am not going to panic unless they say it's something to worry about when it's been tested.
I went to see my friend after my appointment and she said I'm looking great and have lost alot of weight (I still don't see it). I felt amazing when I went out wearing my smallest, jeans a lovely top and new boots.
He is getting to me again. I just can't help loving him and he is meeting some other woman tomorrow but has told me he is going to a friends...I'm to the point of just losing my marbles tonight...I want to cry but it will change nothing. It is what it is and what it is is a totally unsatifactory messed up bunch of bs which he has NO reason for!!!!
Anyhow hope you all had a good day...Don't worry I'll be back on form again soon
love and other crap

 

[Tonibones10]

Aw hun that's great about the meds hun I am sure the blood is nothing honey but I wish you all the luck in the world with it, as for him honey he will get to you you have been through a lot with him and it must be so hard to see him throwing it all away but what I have heard from you over the last few weeks you have been so strong and happier hun and what you have to think about is that he should be the person making you strong and happy not you having to do it in spite of what he's doing, you are an amazing woman who deserves to be treated like a princess honey, loads and loads of love and hugs! Take care xxxxx

 

[Newmelani]

Its ground turkey meat...like hamburger but turkey instead of beef. It cooks with no fat, produces nearly no fat and it is easier on new pouches than beef. I'm sorry I always forget you are in US...forgive me.
Love and hugs

Thanks! I do have that. I haven't tried it yet. It's nice to get new ideas. I will take all the help I can get.

It's going to be hard while you're still in the house with him. But, once you're out, you can move on and it won't be shoved in your face. You deserve every happiness! You're doing so amazing on your weight loss! Keep up the hard work!

 

[Tonibones10]

Hey beautiful how are you, I hope your feeling better hun, love you! Xx

 

[VikiB]

Hiya Babes,
thanks for the kind words. I spent yesterday in meltdown just in bed crying most of the day. I feel better today though. I'm listening to my "feel good" music and just trying to breathe...I know things will get better but when it's constantly in my face it just makes me feel like a big failure and so unworthy. I know he is the one in the wrong but sometimes it just feels like I can't do anything right you know?
I've been trying to drink more today as my diabetic consultant said maybe I have blood in my urine because of my small consumption of liquids (less than 600 ml a day ). Eating has been iffy for a couple of days BUT have discovered that when I'm upset or stressed (and I am on edge a lot) eating is affected badly. So maybe today will be a bit better though breakfast didn't stay and I'm drinking lunch...idk. I am a mess atm but will be ok.
I know someday he will look back on this and be sorry but it will be too late and maybe he will feel some of the hurt he inflicted on me. Trying really hard to convince myself to go out today if just to sit on a park bench and soak up some sun (procrastinating badly).
Sorry I'm such a downer right now hope you all are having a good day.
love you all lots

 

[Tonibones10]

Aw honey I'm sorry your feeling like this right now I'm tryin to stretch my arms to give you a hug I hope you did go out honey it will make you feel abit better, take care sweetie loads of love Xx

 

[VikiB]

I did go out and bought a new controller for my wii so my daughter and I can play tennis together Also bought myself some fruit and a fizzy drink (I just needed something cold and didn't drink much of it). Thanks so much for the hugs I really needed them today. I have been ignoring his stupidity today!!! Maybe I should break my rose coloured glasses and start seeing him for what he is instead of hanging on to something that is definitely gone! Made some spinach and ricotta cannaloni today. I couldn't eat much but it was really nice
Hope you had a great day
love ya lots

 

[Tonibones10]

Aw its good that you got out hun, and yeah smash the glasses into tiny pieces you can always buy some more when he's out of your life babe, what you had to eat sounds nice, I just had tuna pasta with half a pepper and 2 spring onions so yummy xxx take care love ya loads Xx