Time to be honest

[wobbles]

Well, i think i've been kidding myself.
I'm struggling, and it's time to say so. I'm wondering if i made the right decision in regards to WLS. I know, logically, i did, but my heart is telling me otherwise.

I seem to be fighting the fact that i have to eat ultra slowly. I'm not enjoying the food i CAN eat, and i'm depressed because i can't eat the food i WANT to eat. I have bread or pasta at the moment, and i get a blockage and end up vomitting. Whether it's because i'm eating too fast, or because i'm not chewing enough, or it's just that i can eat them, but it's getting me down.

I find a really nice meal, have a few spoonfuls and then have to leave the rest, which is upsetting to me.

I've had problems with my mother lately, also with our landlords. Our house has been burgled twice in the last few months, and there have been 2 more attempts to break in, the last being last sunday. We have to move, have found somewhere to go, but it means money will be extremely tight and we'll have no christmas. All of this is getting me down, and i'm struggling with the food issue, so i'm basically having something to eat every few days.

I think i'm having a vitamin and mineral defficiency, as my skin is bad, i've had a cough ever since the operation, and my throat is constantly sore. My hair is falling out more so than usual too.

I'm so ****ed up that i have forgotten to take my prozac for about week, am back to taking it now, and it's started to kick in, but i'm not coping very well. I need to stop hiding it and telling everyone i'm great, when really i'm not.

I'm sorry to everyone who has extended a hand of friendship and i have come accross as though i've rejected you. It's not that i don't appreciate you, or your support or offers, i'm just messed up and struggling to ask for help, or even just be honest with the way i'm feeling.

I'm so sorry.

 

[30FlirtyGirl]

I didn't want to read and run but just wanted to offer a (((((((hug))))))

 

[charliegirl]

Well, i think i've been kidding myself.
I'm struggling, and it's time to say so. I'm wondering if i made the right decision in regards to WLS. I know, logically, i did, but my heart is telling me otherwise.

I seem to be fighting the fact that i have to eat ultra slowly. I'm not enjoying the food i CAN eat, and i'm depressed because i can't eat the food i WANT to eat. I have bread or pasta at the moment, and i get a blockage and end up vomitting. Whether it's because i'm eating too fast, or because i'm not chewing enough, or it's just that i can eat them, but it's getting me down.

I find a really nice meal, have a few spoonfuls and then have to leave the rest, which is upsetting to me.

I've had problems with my mother lately, also with our landlords. Our house has been burgled twice in the last few months, and there have been 2 more attempts to break in, the last being last sunday. We have to move, have found somewhere to go, but it means money will be extremely tight and we'll have no christmas. All of this is getting me down, and i'm struggling with the food issue, so i'm basically having something to eat every few days.

I think i'm having a vitamin and mineral defficiency, as my skin is bad, i've had a cough ever since the operation, and my throat is constantly sore. My hair is falling out more so than usual too.

I'm so ****ed up that i have forgotten to take my prozac for about week, am back to taking it now, and it's started to kick in, but i'm not coping very well. I need to stop hiding it and telling everyone i'm great, when really i'm not.

I'm sorry to everyone who has extended a hand of friendship and i have come accross as though i've rejected you. It's not that i don't appreciate you, or your support or offers, i'm just messed up and struggling to ask for help, or even just be honest with the way i'm feeling.

I'm so sorry.

Hi Wobbles, did you see the psychologist prior to surgery? At this moment in time with so much going on for you it will seem really hard to think if you have made the right decision. You need to ensure that you take your medication including the prozac, any vitamins etc that have been prescribed otherwise your body will get in a mess and you will not function properly. Even missing your prozac for a few days is bad as you will start to withdraw and your body needs to try and remain constant. You need to ensure that you are eating little and often is better. Yes I know what you mean about a few mouthfuls of a nice meal and then have to leave the rest but this will increase a bit more in time and if your feeling full after a few mouthfuls you should not mind leaving the rest. When I get full the last thing I want to do is eat more and I take delight in leaving the food that I would of once stuffed in till I felt sick just so I could clear my plate. Put less on your plate and save some for a small meal later on if it was tasty. You need to get some support with your problems and things will fall into place, I know what I am talking about chick most of us if not all of us has been through hell and back at one stage in our lives or another. With regards to christmas its what you make it, it does not have to be all about spending money make it a time to be with the family its only one day. I will be alone, my son chooses to work so he can go out new year, my daughter wont speak to me even when she knew I was facing major surgery, I have no choice but to go to work with people who dont really care how I feel as long as they are happy so it will be tough for me too and many many thousands more out there. As well as christimas I turn 50 on 4th jan, there will be no celebration for me because no one wants to, I have never ever had a birthday party or a celebraion and that also on the back of christmas is something I am not looking forward to but I am looking to the future....I keep looking forward to next spring when I will feel slimmer, healthier and more confident and boy am I going to kick some ass...I have not told you my troubles for sympathy just to let you know you are not alone we all have things that get us down but you took a step to a newer happier life go with it chick, dont fight it and see where it leads you....and please take all your meds as prescribed your body needs them....((((((hugs)))))...xx

 

[uglyduck16]

Hiya
I am sorry you are having such a rough time at the moment, it must be even more hard if you used food as a comfort before. This is one of the things that i am thinking about- i am going to have to find another way of dealing with things when thing get tricky instead of turning to food. It is good that you recogise your habbits though, because then you can change them.
Dont be to hard on yourself- you have got to look after yourself aswell and it is very important that you do take your medication.
It sounds like you are very run down at the moment, where you offered any aftercare services? Is there anyone you can phone for advice about any extra vitamins to take to give yourself a bit of a boost.
I was broken into twice and it made me feel very scared and insecure and totally knocked my confidence, i went and chatted to someone at victim support and that really helped me- would you consider going to chat to someone about it??
I can't offer much advice as i have not had an op yet, but i am sure others will be along soon!!
Sending you lots of hugs:grouphugg:
Xxx Lizzie xxX

 

[uglyduck16]

Hi Wobbles, did you see the psychologist prior to surgery? At this moment in time with so much going on for you it will seem really hard to think if you have made the right decision. You need to ensure that you take your medication including the prozac, any vitamins etc that have been prescribed otherwise your body will get in a mess and you will not function properly. Even missing your prozac for a few days is bad as you will start to withdraw and your body needs to try and remain constant. You need to ensure that you are eating little and often is better. Yes I know what you mean about a few mouthfuls of a nice meal and then have to leave the rest but this will increase a bit more in time and if your feeling full after a few mouthfuls you should not mind leaving the rest. When I get full the last thing I want to do is eat more and I take delight in leaving the food that I would of once stuffed in till I felt sick just so I could clear my plate. Put less on your plate and save some for a small meal later on if it was tasty. You need to get some support with your problems and things will fall into place, I know what I am talking about chick most of us if not all of us has been through hell and back at one stage in our lives or another. With regards to christmas its what you make it, it does not have to be all about spending money make it a time to be with the family its only one day. I will be alone, my son chooses to work so he can go out new year, my daughter wont speak to me even when she knew I was facing major surgery, I have no choice but to go to work with people who dont really care how I feel as long as they are happy so it will be tough for me too and many many thousands more out there. As well as christimas I turn 50 on 4th jan, there will be no celebration for me because no one wants to, I have never ever had a birthday party or a celebraion and that also on the back of christmas is something I am not looking forward to but I am looking to the future....I keep looking forward to next spring when I will feel slimmer, healthier and more confident and boy am I going to kick some ass...I have not told you my troubles for sympathy just to let you know you are not alone we all have things that get us down but you took a step to a newer happier life go with it chick, dont fight it and see where it leads you....and please take all your meds as prescribed your body needs them....((((((hugs)))))...xx

Charlie just read your post... you are right christmas is what you make it- we are all here with you in spirit so you are not really alone But i am sorry to read about your daughter abonding you when you told her about the surgery, that totally sucks- hopefully when you are at your goal weight and she sees how healthy you are she will come round, because you only get one family at the end of the day :grouphugg:
Xxx Lizzie xxX

 

[helen144]

Hi Wobbles
Im so sorry you feel like you do, Im sure that it hasnt helped by missing your Prozac I dont mean to sound patronising but if i miss mine even for a day I can tell, You have made a massive decision to have your WLS and im sure it was a decision that you didnt take lightly, try to remember all the reasons why you wanted the surgery and perhaps write down a list of all the positive and negative things that will come from having it done.
Your mind will be all over the place at the moment and especially after being burgaled twice, perhaps things are looking worse than they are because you arnt feeling 100% and you are run down, I agree with the above when they mentioned Victem support as these are of great help, you might even find that the way you currently feel about food is because you are so down about the move and with christmas, I havnt had surgery yet so cannot offer support about eating, but im sure things will get better with time, try to take each day as it comes, christmas doesnt have to be about presents and food, you can spend the time with those that you love and snuggle up and watch crap xmas TV all day and get out an old board game or something that you wouldnt normally do.
Have a word also with your GP and check you are getting the right amounts of vitamens etc.
Keep your chin up, remember why you did this and remember tomorrow is another day, plan for the next day set reminders on ur phone to take your tablets, be honest with your friends and family and I m sure you will find the comfort and support you need from somebody.
Big hugs.
All my love
Helen
xxxxxx

 

[charliegirl]

Charlie just read your post... you are right christmas is what you make it- we are all here with you in spirit so you are not really alone But i am sorry to read about your daughter abonding you when you told her about the surgery, that totally sucks- hopefully when you are at your goal weight and she sees how healthy you are she will come round, because you only get one family at the end of the day :grouphugg:
Xxx Lizzie xxX

Thanks Lizzie I will be fine, and it will soon be the spring but thanks for reading my post I just dont want wobbles to think she is alone in how she feels.....xx

 

[uglyduck16]

Wobbles you are definately not alone :grouphugg:
Here is the link for victim support Victim Support
They helped me loadz when i was broken into, it might be worth giving them a go- you have nothing to loose
Xxx Lizzie xxX

 

[DQ]

Didn't wanna read and run - got no real words of advice, but adding to the :hug99:

 

[ditzyangeluk]

...I seem to be fighting the fact that i have to eat ultra slowly. I'm not enjoying the food i CAN eat, and i'm depressed because i can't eat the food i WANT to eat. I have bread or pasta at the moment ... Whether it's because i'm eating too fast, or because i'm not chewing enough, or it's just that i can eat them, but it's getting me down
...I find a really nice meal, have a few spoonfuls and then have to leave the rest, which is upsetting to me
...i'm struggling with the food issue, so i'm basically having something to eat every few days
...i have forgotten to take my prozac for about week, am back to taking it now, and it's started to kick in

I can only really comment on the WLS side of things but would just say, move if you can, to be happier, & have a tighter Xmas - it's just one year!!

I am not quite 3 months out from surgery but, I too have problems witht he eating so slowly, don't enjoy the food I CAN eat but desperately want (but can't have!) the food I WANT to eat. I soo know what you mean!! :cry:

I think it is a case of 'old habits die hard' regarding whether you are eating too fast, or not chewing enough, or whatever. I find I cannot eat 'soft' foods (like bread, omelettes) as I guess I used to eat them so fast. I CAN eat toast & boiled eggs though!!

It's the same as having a nice meal, having a few spoonfuls & then having to leave the rest. I was always told to eat everyting up, don't waste food, etc etc.

As for "basically having something to eat every few days", I was there a couple of weeks ago (due to a constipation episode!) However, your body will go into 'starvation mode' & you won't lose any weight so it will get you down even more!! It IS a vicious circle!

Also, I know, within a couple of days, if I have missed my anti-depressants! Also, with less daylight hours at this time of year ... it all adds up to get you down!

Hang in there, take one step at a time & accept any help that is offered.

Take care

 

[shelbell]

Erin honey :hug99: you're so brave posting so honestly, I'm really pleased that you have.

I'm on MSN for a bit or you've got my number, please get in touch x

 

[wobbles]

I know i need to take my prozac, even if i don't take it for a day or two i feel it. But i just simply forgot as there has been so much else going on lately.

I have told my mother i want not further contact with her. After not bothering to get in touch at all after my operation, it was the last straw after years of hurt and disappointment and it's one more thing i can't handle right now.

As for psychologist, no i didn't see one pre op as i was not required to. However, i've been having counselling since February, which has now stopped, and i have started psychotherapy. We don't have time each session to even to touch on the WLS, or the effects of the burgleries. One positive thing is that yesterday afternoon, the police caught one of the little shits, they were breaking into a house accross the road in broad daylight. Stupid idiots, i just want to kck him in the nuts and cut hs hands off.

I haven't started taking vitamins etc yet as i was not required to until 4 weeks post op. I have a doctors appointment on Tuesday to get them on prescription.

The last 2 weeks have been really hard, i admitt that. What with my mother, the anniversary of my fathers death, university and a person there who is being very needy, my assignment to do, the attempted break in on Sunday, problems with the landlords, stress of finding somewhere else to live, forgetting to take my prozac and normally i would comfort eat.

I realise i'm not the only one with problems and i now feel very selfish and silly, and regret saying anything at all as i feel like a whinger. If i could take it back, i would, and i'm sorry.

 

[charliegirl]

Wobbles you dont have to take anything back we are here to support you chick not condemn you, if you cant sound off at us who can you sound off at....lord knows I have moaned enough in the past and no doubt will again in the future.....just hang on in there....xx

 

[julieann]

hi wobbles you must not feel silly or selfish, we are all in this together and i am sure we will all come out of it the other end. we all have our hang ups about food or we would not have taken the roads that we have, but you just have to try and stay strong, you are doing well!!

 

[phatgirl]

WOW there. Don't be sorry hun. You are in need of support and this is a support group! You are allowed to be yourself and everyone respects you for that. It is a brave thing to admit you need some help. Good for you. You seem like a bright girl who has a bright future but is currently having a dark time.

Thinking of you, wishing you well & reminding you that those hands are still stretched out if you need them. No worries on this end, we are here for you good or bad. Okay??

(((Hugs))),
Nichole

 

[helen144]

Wobbles
Please dont ever say you are sorry for telling us how you feel as phatgirl says we are a support group and we support eachother through good times and bad times, you have acknowledged your very difficult time and im sure things will improve, you need to be able to discuss how you feel and im sure everyone of us on here would hatee to think you was suffering in silence, please, please , please dont say sorry and moan away, because one day I will need you to give me some advice and to support me,thats why we are here.

Moan to your hearts content, we dont mind , brownies honour!!!!

Helenxxxxxx

 

[sidewalksocialscientist]

Hey, it's good to share. I hope things get better for you x

 

[tammy]

Hi Wobbles, firstly don't feel sorry as you should be able to be honest about how you feel and clearly you are struggling with the life changes as a result of WLS. i did a thread on here some time ago which did talk about exactly what you are experiencing now and it was around the fact that for those who are prone to depression (like me) may find they struggle as a result of their changing relationship with food.

I can fully understand what you are saying and i really hope you can access some support through the psychology team linked with the bariatric team.

just remember too hun that everyone on here wants to support you. x:grouphugg:

 

[wobbles]

Thank you everyone. I just feel like i'm being a drain on everyone, and that i'm always asking for help and support. Yet on the other hand i'm too afraid to honestly say that i'm struggling.

I realise my periods are due which explains why i'm suddenly so down, along with all the other things i explained.

Went out to a designer outlet today and found it rather depressing. Looking at all the clothes i still can't buy, and sitting in the food court seeing and smelling all the foods i couldn't eat. I've got to come to terms that life does not revolve around food, that it isn't the be all and end all. Even though that's what my life has been for such a long time.

I am not seeing the weight loss, even though my clothes are big on me, and i have lost 2 stone since the operation, i still seem to feel disheartened. Patience has never been my virtue.

I also have felt like i'm the only one going through this, as just about everyone else who had surgery around the same time as me, seems to be doing so well. Just need to stop focussing on it all now.

Anyway, enough moaning from me, time to get positive and start appreciating what i have as there are others far worse off than me. Thank you all for being so supportive and understanding *hugs*

 

[charliegirl]

Wow wobbles two stone in a little over a month is really good going....well done chick...xx