Hubby thinks I'm doing the wrong thing!

[Kizzy70]

Oh my Kim I have just cried through reading this thread I can so relate to this your post. My boyfriend was so supportive when he thought either band or sleeve. Now the surgeon has said bypass he doesn't want me to do it. I can't decide between sleeve (my choice) or bypass (surgeons) cos I am really scared about the bypass and the rerouting of my bowel. I have actually told people that I am not doing it now (apart from him) because they all saying dont do it, although I am now on the list for bypass. Aarrgghhh I don't know what to do

What a difficult choice for you hun, I was not really given a choice by my surgeon, and it has been difficult enough making the decision for surgery in the first place.

I sat with my hubby last night and we had a really good chat, he says he will support me, but is really worried my health will suffer in the long run (think he's heard about some horror stories) I know he only said it cause he loves me, and I don't think he realised how his remark made me feel.

I know surgery is the right choice for me, I can't go through the next 20 years how I have been, and maybe once I've had the surgery and things have settled I will probably kick myself for not doing it sooner.
I wish you well on what ever you decide hun, good luck - Kim XX

 

[Kizzy70]

Oh my Kim I have just cried through reading this thread I can so relate to this your post. My boyfriend was so supportive when he thought either band or sleeve. Now the surgeon has said bypass he doesn't want me to do it. I can't decide between sleeve (my choice) or bypass (surgeons) cos I am really scared about the bypass and the rerouting of my bowel. I have actually told people that I am not doing it now (apart from him) because they all saying dont do it, although I am now on the list for bypass. Aarrgghhh I don't know what to do

Hi Kizzy.. well.. reading through the replies already posted.. I guess I must have been one very lucky lady..

My Darling OH was very supportive right from the beginning. Neither of us expected me to ever be on this journey after I'd lost a lot of weight on my own.. but it was the surgeon I saw regarding another health issue that put it into perspective for him. He looked at my Oh and said he could operate for the other problem.. the weight I was at - I'd be lucky to survive but he'd do it anyway.. or I could go away, lose more weight and go back again. When we got the letter for the seminar, neither of us knew what to expect. So we went along, did some research and although I don't regret the operation - in some ways I feel I'd cheated. I'd dieted, exercised and lost loads of weight but it wasn't enough then had this journey almost thrust upon me.. and my OH actually went out of his way to find additional info for me. He admitted he was terrified of losing me, scared of facing his future alone.. but he then realised once we'd did more research - that if things were left as they were - he WOULD lose me.. because being overweight causes a lot more problems than surgery could bring. The surgery will give you a new outlook on life, give you more self confidence and as has already been posted - both you and your OH need to be honest in your wishes. Yes he'll be scared, yes he may not truly understand (know my OH didn't truly understand in the beginning) but the ability to be more active, more confident and feel more alive.. has to be better than how you feel now.. Your OH obviously Loves you and cares.. He just needs to realise this isn't going to make life harder on either of you.. but it will make your lives much much better once you're recovered and on the road to a new Life.. that you get to share TOGETHER.. How about leaving the forum open on computer, maybe try and get some leaflets he can read and understand in his own time? Lets face it.. he's a man (no offence to the blokes on here btw) and not all are able to understand things he's never had to deal with.. Like now..

Hope it gets resolved for you.. (((((Hugs)))))

Thank you so much for your reply. We both sat down last night, and I got him to read all the replies (will get him to read yours later) and I do think he is really worried for me. With any surgery it is a risk you take but this time it is something I have decided on.
I really feel I'm doing the right thing, I know I have a long wait ahead of me, and it scares me to death worrying that I might not be here for my family (whether I have surgery or not)
Thank you so much for you support
Kim X

 

[Caren]

Oh my Kim I have just cried through reading this thread I can so relate to this your post. My boyfriend was so supportive when he thought either band or sleeve. Now the surgeon has said bypass he doesn't want me to do it. I can't decide between sleeve (my choice) or bypass (surgeons) cos I am really scared about the bypass and the rerouting of my bowel. I have actually told people that I am not doing it now (apart from him) because they all saying dont do it, although I am now on the list for bypass. Aarrgghhh I don't know what to do

well you learn something new every day, i didnt know that with the bypass your bowel was rerouted? blimey! lol

 

[greyputy]

well you learn something new every day, i didnt know that with the bypass your bowel was rerouted? blimey! lol

Yes apparently that's why you don't get the nutrients from food scary stuff

 

[Tatiana]

With the bypass they reduce the size of your stomach and then (hence the name bypass) bypass a proportion of your intestine. This leads to the problems with malabsorption and dumping.

Because my surgeon was unsure of the effects of the reduced absorption on medication I take on my health issues and, for the same reason, a band wasn't suitable for me hence the decision to go for a sleeve.

Tatiana

 

[flowerofshona]

Im so pleased for you hun, its sounds like you will have a happy future and hubby will get benifits from it to
Try to go to a support group if you can together it will help hubby see the good results for himself.

 

[Big an Bouncy]

Its not the bowel thats rerouted its the small intestine coming from the stomach,hence bypass.Most of the absorbtion is done in the small intestine,take that out and fats,vitamins etc all go through quicker and are not absorbed so we need supplements.The stomach is lined with a hormone called Grehlin that tells the brain how much food we have in and when we are full.When your stomach is smaller we have less Grehlin to tell our brain we are full so we dont feel the need to eat as much.Hope I have that right!
The bypassed bit moves food through quickly and that is why you can get malnutrition if you drink and eat at the same time,you will flush food through before any goodness has been taken and you will get hungry again pretty soon!

 

[Big an Bouncy]

Also how would your other halves enjoy Christmas and social gatherings if you had died from a weight related disease.I know they are concerned but we dont go into this uninformed.Your life and health will change so much for the better.

 

[TurtleGal]

I'm sorry your hubby is making you feel like he doesn't support your decision Sometimes it's hard for people to understand what we are going through. I am also in the pre-op stage, I haven't had my intake appointment yet even. If my husband weren't behind me 100% I don't know if I would be able to do it either. I really hope he comes around for you!

 

[Ready For Change]

well you learn something new every day, i didnt know that with the bypass your bowel was rerouted? blimey! lol

Caren, it's the intestine that is re-routed. The small intestine is pulled up and reconnected to the new small pouch stomach. Stomach juices like acid etc are introduced further down the line. Don't worry, you won't have bowel movements out of your belly button or anything like that hehe xxx

 

[Caren]

Caren, it's the intestine that is re-routed. The small intestine is pulled up and reconnected to the new small pouch stomach. Stomach juices like acid etc are introduced further down the line. Don't worry, you won't have bowel movements out of your belly button or anything like that hehe xxx

pmsl, well i thought this was the case, thanks xxx

 

[Ready For Change]

Paahaha, everyone has their own definition of all these surgeries. No one I know knew what a sleeve gastrectomy was, I drew more diagrams of my innards than van gough drew flowers lol... xxx

 

[greyputy]

My apologies for getting body parts wrong. Just as well I am in here to gain as much knowledge as possible cos I know nothing lol [massive learning curve for me]
Caren sorry for the mistake ;-)

 

[Kizzy70]

Ah sorry to hear this, I did have a heart to heart with the boss (wife lol), but explained that if I didnt have it done, I would just get bigger and bigger and things would go from bad to worse.

Now though she is fully supportive of me, and glad I did it, and she even enjoys buying me more modern clothes now she can get them 'off the peg' instead of shopping in 'Upto 8XL' shops.

Would he talk to some of us post oppers?, has he seen some before and after pics?, all of us before the op have tried the 'easy way' to lose weight, and yes we can, then we put more on than we lost, and we all know what happens.

None of us have taken this matter lightly (pardon the pun), and I know for me, it was a case of if I didnt get it done, I was going to end up in a wheel chair, or even bed ridden, and I don't think I could of handled that and I know my wife wouldn't of either.

If he loves you, which Im sure he does, he will come round and be proud of what you are doing for yourself. I think he is just worried that he will lose you, which won't happen, look how many people undertake this every day now. Come on Kizzy, make him a cuppa and go and have a chat to him, and let him know u understand his concerns and why he is saying what he is. But he needs to look at how much better your life/your lives will be in 12 months time, once you have the operation.

If he wants to ring me for a man to man chat, I will have a chat and be totally honest with him

Thanks Gary, we have had a really good chat, I now know he only said it cause he loves me, he is worried that things could go wrong and I could suffer because of this. He has told me he will be there for me 100%. I showed him all the responses to my post, and everyone is so helpful with their advice, I'm so pleased I found this site, and having genuine honest people like you on here helps us pre-oppers so much!

 

[Neeta]

That is great Kim. So glad for you. It makes it so much easier when you have the support of your loved ones. Give him a hug from me.

 

[Peterborough Guy]

Thanks Gary, we have had a really good chat, I now know he only said it cause he loves me, he is worried that things could go wrong and I could suffer because of this. He has told me he will be there for me 100%. I showed him all the responses to my post, and everyone is so helpful with their advice, I'm so pleased I found this site, and having genuine honest people like you on here helps us pre-oppers so much!

Ah Im so pleased you have had a chat, as always for anyone, we are always here for support, and Im sure you are here to support us when we need it. Keep him checking the forum and he will see the before and after pics, and that will be you soon.

 

[VikiB]

my husband absolutely doesnt want to know period!! I have tried to talk to him about it he knows my health issues he has been to my consultations and heard what they have said and he still says I'm being ignorant and tries to sabatoge me by offering chocolates and cakes and things and refusing to eat food unless I have some. He has tried every form of guilt manipulation he can think of but this is for me and I AM going to do it with or without him if he can't support me then the new me will find someone who does...simple as that. I am fed up with doing everything everyone else wants with no thought or concern about myself and getting no support for anything ever. FED UP!!! This is for me just ME nobody else is going to gain a thing (except maybe putting up with me for a few extra years lol).
Sorry I just really needed to vent that

 

[mariew]

You go Viki, that's some fighting spirit you have there. With that attitude you are going to sail through this op and the new life you want is out there waiting for you.
Not long to wait now. hugs xxxxx

 

[Thereza1111]

That's it Viki, hang in there and look after you hun!

 

[Caren]

my husband absolutely doesnt want to know period!! I have tried to talk to him about it he knows my health issues he has been to my consultations and heard what they have said and he still says I'm being ignorant and tries to sabatoge me by offering chocolates and cakes and things and refusing to eat food unless I have some. He has tried every form of guilt manipulation he can think of but this is for me and I AM going to do it with or without him if he can't support me then the new me will find someone who does...simple as that. I am fed up with doing everything everyone else wants with no thought or concern about myself and getting no support for anything ever. FED UP!!! This is for me just ME nobody else is going to gain a thing (except maybe putting up with me for a few extra years lol).
Sorry I just really needed to vent that

here! here! im 50 and have spent my life doing things for everyone else. I have no support at all (except on here, and my special northern bestie twink) I'm doing this for me, and all my friends and family that dont like it can jog on. This is for me me ME!!!!! hahahaha you go girl xxx