What is it all for?

[tubbytutor]

Well ladies and gents out there

Perhaps you can help me out, as at the moment I am really wondering what the point of all of this is.
I started my Weight loss journey in May and had lost 23 pounds which I was quite pleased with - its 10% of my body mass. I have fibromyalgia and arthritis meaning that I am constantly in pain and disabled.

Then I had terrible pains one night, thought I was really poorly, but the pain went away suddenly. So I ignored it. 5 weeks later it came back big time and I ended up admitted into hospital. It was the day before the family holiday. Anyway turned out that it was gall stones in an infected gall bladder. I was told I couldn't go on holiday. I played the brave solider and told the family to go without me. They bit off my hand at the offer and went to Tenerife without me whilst I stayed hooked up to an IV for 6 days, only to be discharged the day before the family got back with a liver problem which needs more investigation and a gall bladder that needs to be removed.

I didn't even get a kiss hello from my husband when he returned and 3 days later he told me he doesn't love me any more and wants to separate. I have begged him to reconsider, after 26 years of marriage he has always been my cornerstone, my rock and I thought my best friend. I followed him around the world when he was in the RAF and I didn't manage to maintain a great career because of the constant moving or threat of moving. Same with friendships as I am phone phobic and rubbish at staying in touch let alone breaking into find new friends.

One of the reasons I had WLS was because we thought it might help improve my health and confidence. He says he is fed up of being my carer. But he isn't giving me a chance to loose enough weight to make a difference to my health. I have two girls, one about to start sixth form and one to start GCSEs. I've changed my life dramatically with the WLS and all it has brought me is illness with the gallbladder problems - common after WLS, and misery with the threat of the end of my marriage.

Has it all been worth it........... Not so far. I feel so low I'm trying to not eat but have put on 3.5 pounds this week.... I thought I hadn't eaten much.

Life sucks all help and advice welcome!

 

[tealovingsleever]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. Gall bladder problems are very common post surgery so you're not alone.

My advice is to find a way to make your life better as well as the weight loss, get some hobbies, make some friends. There is so much out there waiting for you and if doesn't hang around he's just not worth it.

Finally stop overrating. It'll just make you feel worse.

Xx

 

[Lozer]

I'm sorry to hear life abit crappy at the mo I'm awaiting Gaul bladder removal as infected so I no how painful that is. It mite b worth recording what u eat as we don't always remember. That way u no as puting weight on after u have worked so hard to get it off will only make u feel worse. As for ur husband I don't really no what to say that would make u feel better so I just sending hugs and hope it all works out for the best xx

 

[shelleymarie]

Ack, what a lot to go through in a such a short pace of time. Unfortunately life doesn't stop because of WLS, the good and the bad keep happening. I unfortunately can relate to that greatly, different issues for me but I understand how hard it is to cope when this is meant to be the best time of your life. The time you are meant to start living for you again and you know what? you still can. You can't make your husband stay with you if he wants to go but what is in your control now is that you can keep fighting to get your life back and lose weight. If he leaves without being willing to work on things I imagine he will see what he could have had if he stuck around, then I also imagine by the time you've got your confidence back you won't want him back! You can still have your success story, it's just going to be a different one than you thought.

Now for the gallstone problem, I had a diseased gallbladder and gallstones before my surgery. I ending up in hospital with it too. They eventually took out the gallbladder and all was well. No more pain or worry about it. I know it's a worry but if you you eat a low fat diet that will help prevent flare ups until you can have the gallbladder out.

Good luck and try and stay focused so you can stay control of your future. He isn't the only one who has a say when it comes to your personal happiness. Take care.

 

[sarahrob]

I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time of it. I would echo what Shelley said, so much is beyond our control but your weight loss is within your hands.
I hope things get better for you ((((hugs)))) x

 

[flutterby1966]

Ditto. I believe its now your time to take on control of your future. It may feel tough right now and while you may not feel like it now, try to see the positives rather than the negatives. Embrace the opportunities you have been given by your wls and even our OHs decision. You have lost some weight which is fantastic. At this stage a stall or a blip is quite common. Your gallbladder problem is quite common and at least its been diagnosed, its nothing worse, and its operable/recoverable from. You can choose what you put in your mouth though, so make the wiser decisions ... Low fat and band friendly! It will help the gall bladder issue and the weight loss. The weight loss should help ease up the other medical issues. You have already said you realise why friendships aren't maintained. Now that's something that can be changed too, if you opt to take control.

Onwards and upwards ... And onwards and downwards tubby tutor ... YOU CAN DO IT :clap:

 

[moomoo1]

my best advise is continur to do as well as you can with your weightloss and get out and make some friends and start living it will be much more healthy for your relationship

 

[tubbytutor]

Many thanks tealover. I know the theory but it is so hard. I work at my job as a dyslexia tutor in the afternoons and with the fibro and arthritis I'm exhausted so find it hard to meet up with new people. I know I need make more effort and will try.

 

[tubbytutor]

Thanks Lozer for your information about your gall bladder. I should be having my gallbladder out in the next two months and with luck the liver problems will be sorted out too. Unfortunately I have always been a negative type of person, my husband was always the positive one - a ying and yang relationship. So much for that.

 

[tubbytutor]

Thank you Shelly for your kind words. I know what you are saying is correct I just need to start trying to really believe in it!


I did have a quick day dream about buying loads of sexy undies when I get to target weight and flaunting it in front of my husband if he is still around!!

 

[tubbytutor]

Thanks to Sarah and moo moo for your kind words.

 

[krissy123]

Thinking of you, I too had gallbladder problems before weight loss surgery, gall bladder was infected after being in and out of hospital I collapsed at work. (They didn't take it out as wanted me to lose weight:cry After the collapse they took out gallbladder it was stuck to liver so they could not do it keyhole! I also got a stone stuck in the bile duct was really itchy and had to have a sphinx- ectomy! But all sorted now When I had my bypass my zorro scar was the talk of the operating table. It is rough now but physically things will get better x

 

[tubbytutor]

Flutterby

Wise words yet again from you. I'm not really sure that I understand why I've put on so much weight, I suppose stress does make a difference. Although I have always been a comfort eater I have felt so sick from the gall bladder and from the marriage problems that I didn't think I had eaten too much.

One problem with the gall bladder diet is that you are supposed to eat plenty of whole wheat carbs, pasta, rice etc. obviously this goes against the band diet of low carbs! At least they both agree on the low fat!!

 

[tubbytutor]

Thanks Krissy

Until I had problems with the gall bladder I didn't realise how many other people have had problems. But most people seem to have no problems once its remove. When I was in hospital there was a lady with really bad jaundice whose bile duct was blocked but couldn't have her gallbladder removed because it was fused to her bowel. Then they tried to blast her gall stone but the machine broke.... Still she remained pretty positive. I should learn from her!!

 

[flutterby1966]

What has your provider said specifically about carbs in your gall bladder situation? My provider doesn't state low carb, for example. Mine says everything in moderation. May just be that your journey continues in generally the right direction but is a bit slower ? Be interesting to read what they say, as there will be plenty of other banders in similar situations.

 

[Yvessa]

How're you doing now hon?

 

[tubbytutor]

Thanks for asking Yve

I am holding on. I am trying to behave as normal as possible for the children but inside I am falling apart.
My eldest daughter had self harming issues last year and she is starting to act very withdrawn again.
My fibrois flaring up, funny old thing.

Life sucks and I'm trying to play happy families. Meanwhile he is acting like he never said anything and none of us dare say anything that may upset him. Life is unreal and I am really not sure how long we can carry on like this.

Bet you wish you hadn't asked now!!!

 

[femfrankie]

Awwwwww I'm so sorry I missed your original post. My heart really goes out to you and your family. Big cyber (((((((hugs))))))).
As someone who aso places quite a bit if reliability on their other half due to various disabilities it is so easy to lose sight of the fact that they didn't marry you just to take on that role. There has often been times in our relationship where I have needed to remind myself of this but when you are hurting and unable to do things some of which are deeply personal its hard to keep the loving part of the relationship going. We all know the for better or worse line in our vows but it must wear thin after a while I know it has here a few times but we have always managed to get back to the brass tacks of why we married in the first place. I do hope the docs get on top of the gallstone issue pretty quick for you so that you can get on with the healing and back to enjoying life with or without your other half.. He would be a fool though in my opinion to let go so early on in your journey... Lets just say the fire is certainly back on in our bedroom department since the weight has started coming off disabilities or not
Chin up, battle on some more and show the fool what he is going to miss if he lets it slip away xxx

 

[Yvessa]

Thanks for asking Yve

I am holding on. I am trying to behave as normal as possible for the children but inside I am falling apart.
My eldest daughter had self harming issues last year and she is starting to act very withdrawn again.
My fibrois flaring up, funny old thing.

Life sucks and I'm trying to play happy families. Meanwhile he is acting like he never said anything and none of us dare say anything that may upset him. Life is unreal and I am really not sure how long we can carry on like this.

Bet you wish you hadn't asked now!!!

Not at all hon. If we can do anything to help please let us know- otherwise we are here to listen. It's so difficult when you're stepping on eggshells. If you feel you can't say something can you write it down?

 

[tubbytutor]

Awwwwww I'm so sorry I missed your original post. My heart really goes out to you and your family. Big cyber (((((((hugs))))))).
As someone who aso places quite a bit if reliability on their other half due to various disabilities it is so easy to lose sight of the fact that they didn't marry you just to take on that role. There has often been times in our relationship where I have needed to remind myself of this but when you are hurting and unable to do things some of which are deeply personal its hard to keep the loving part of the relationship going. We all know the for better or worse line in our vows but it must wear thin after a while I know it has here a few times but we have always managed to get back to the brass tacks of why we married in the first place. I do hope the docs get on top of the gallstone issue pretty quick for you so that you can get on with the healing and back to enjoying life with or without your other half.. He would be a fool though in my opinion to let go so early on in your journey... Lets just say the fire is certainly back on in our bedroom department since the weight has started coming off disabilities or not
Chin up, battle on some more and show the fool what he is going to miss if he lets it slip away xxx

Many thanks Femfrankie. Sorry for the delay in my response. I really appreciate the time and effort of your reply.

Things are no better at home, although my youngest is having a party tonight so trying to keep in the party spirit. It is amazing how much energy 14 year olds have!!

I see the liver specialist on Thursday so hopefully will find out a bit more of what is going on with my body.

I'm supposed to start teaching again this week but I'm not sure I have the energy or strength. I'm trying to do more at home, cooking etc, but I only have a limited amount of energy and if I'm doing the household things I can't do the teaching...... Torn really because I will need the teaching if my husband leaves me! Catch twenty two!!!
Thanks again for your comments.