Lack of support from friends and family

[muhsi1]

Hi Guys did many of you experience negativity from friends and family, making you feel that it is very extreme to do surgery and not worth the risk, remembering and quoting only the few who had complications and forgetting the thousands that no longer have risk factors due to weight and have stunning lives?
I think often it is due to ignorance, concern or spite.
Do folks not realize that most of us have fought this battle bravely for our whole lives and now have had enough.
If we could have done it without this tool obviously we would have done so years ago!:sigh:
Do they not realize how much it hurts to not be supported, in my case, I have always only done things for my family and now would rather have welcomed the support, the one time I want to do it for me.
Do they not realize that we do this so that we can have better lives with them?

 

[moomoo1]

iv been very lucky my family have been incredibly supportive both times im quiet reliant on them at the moment because my weights affecting my mobility , oddly tho my friends were a little less supportive and weirdly once id lost weight the first time round and got pregnant a very very close friend disappeaered into the sunset and I begin to wonder if she preferred me a mess and wanting tings rather than doping well and getting them.

 

[Lippyloirston]

It's amazing how some friends and family react to the news. I think you just have to remember that first and foremost you are doing this for you health. So although it can be disappointing that your f/f are not being as supportive as you would like, I feel their lack of support comes from concern around the operation.

My surgeon explained that the bypass operation, and the weight I was at the time, statistically speaking carried the same chance of me 'shuffling off' on the operating table or over the next twelve months. Once I explained the risks most people got on board. Good luck.

 

[Lincs Lass]

My parents showed no interest at all until my mum came to my pre-op appointment. Now I've had it done and they can see the difference they are coming round to it.

My siblings have not shown the slightest bit of interest - except my younger sister who made a sarcastic comment about preferring to lose weight the 'proper way' (which hasn't worked!)

Thank heavens for friends and this site!!

 

[Sashie1977]

I have had wonderful support from all my friends, family and work colleagues for all 3 surgeries. Personally, I find that a huge help. I can talk to any of them about anything.
It's a real shame when friends and family don't understand. It must make the whole process so much harder. I guess sites like this must really help those who get little or no support xx

 

[Eve30]

You're right to say its ignorance and spite usually linked with jealous feelings too. It must be hard for you but rise up and be proud for doing the right thing

 

[Andy1968]

I'm very lucky as i've a very supportive family and friends. No-one has ever questioned me over this and i feel so blessed to have so many special people in my life.

It's a strange thing though isn't it? Family/Friends have plenty to say when we're overweight and when we try and sort ourselves out..they still bloody find fault..You can't win !!

Good luck for the future hun
Andy x

 

[kjb]

Why is it selfish to choose LIFE

 

[muhsi1]

Andy thanks for that.
You say it so well.

 

[Andy1968]

Andy thanks for that.
You say it so well.

You're Welcome xx

 

[Tracy-angela]

My family have been supportive but it is early days,I don't think the reality of how big a change it will be and how much it will impact the usual routine in our home. I have only chose to tell one friend at this point and she did give me an unusual look.I am unsure whether it was because she too is over weight and feels I have betrayed her ( she has been my diet buddy for the last 6 years) by going it alone or because she thinks it is a vanity thing. Either way it didn't make me want to discuss it anymore and that was when I joined the group.

 

[natashoorrr]

I had a few problems with my partner to begin with. I think it was more a worry that I would lose a lot of weight and find a man who he thought would be 'better'. He has since got over this and is now at the gym twice a week to lose weight also

 

[LessofLisa]

It's really that your friends and family don't support you. My husband was anxious about me having an operation as I'm a big bleeder when surgically cut but I sailed through the op and am losing weight................. All my family are totally supportive. As someone said earlier in this thread it can't be wrong to choose Life. Also surgery is not an easy option!!

 

[Nicnac_]

My mother has in the past arranged appointments for me to have a gastric band I have gone along with her and on each occasion it has never felt right. And I remember telling one consultant I'm only hear cause of my mother!

I made the decision to go myself this time and to hospital of my choosing - I mentioned it too her a month or so ago before I booked in for it and her response was well that's a lot of money and was negative about it. She then made a comment saying I had made myself fat and diabetic!

I haven't told her I'm having it in just under 2 weeks as I'm doing this for me and don't want any negativity.

All my friends have been supportive - know its a big decision and have said would support me my partner has been great he knows how unhappy I am and how much I want this

I feel like I have rambled on a bit here lol

 

[hlow86]

So sorry to hear your not getting the support you need! It's a good job everyone on here is there for you!
I'm very fortunate that my family are just as excited as me to be able to do all those amazing things skinny people take for granted!
I hope they change their minds!!
Helen xx

 

[LifesAJourney]

Good for you for doing something for yourself !!! You are so worth it. Sorry to hear you aren't getting the support you need because it really can make or break success but please know the decision you made was the right one for you. We have lived our lives in our big shells for so long that people get use to us being in our cocoons of fat not living our lives to the fullest and in some ways sabotaging us from success that when we have come to the decision to spread our wings and fly they get intimidated. But please continue on your journey and spread those wings and be the most beautiful butterfly you can be and keep evolving Good Luck!!!!

 

[femfrankie]

Those that know, immediate family and two close friends, have been extremely supportive with the exception of my middle child who is dead against it. He's 31 and built like a rake! He cannot see a problem with my weight nor can he see what the excess weight is doing to me. Now I just don't talk to him about it. Ultimately this is my decision alone. My sister in law (another skinny) has never acknowledged my recent large weight loss so I just can't suss her thoughts on this at all... But again I really don't care... Hubby on the other hand, the saucy bu***r is having vivid daydreams already about what knickers and boots I will be wearing next year.... Yeah yeah yeah lol

 

[tiili]

I think it is also important to remember that in many cases the negativity is not out of spite or envy but because of fear. It is a major surgery after all so people close to you may well simply be frightened.

I know in my case for example, I am choosing not to tell my mother because I know she will react negatively as one of her close friends died as a result of a gastric bypass many years ago. She would flip out if I told her. Not because she doesn't "get it" or doesn't want me to be happy, or doesn't understand the risks of being obese - but because she loves me and would be very scared that something would go wrong during surgery.

So I have decided not to tell her. I do not want to worry her, and personally I cannot handle anyone trying to talk me out of it because it was such a hard decision to make in the first place.

 

[femfrankie]

I think it is also important to remember that in many cases the negativity is not out of spite or envy but because of fear. It is a major surgery after all so people close to you may well simply be frightened.

I know in my case for example, I am choosing not to tell my mother because I know she will react negatively as one of her close friends died as a result of a gastric bypass many years ago. She would flip out if I told her. Not because she doesn't "get it" or doesn't want me to be happy, or doesn't understand the risks of being obese - but because she loves me and would be very scared that something would go wrong during surgery.

So I have decided not to tell her. I do not want to worry her, and personally I cannot handle anyone trying to talk me out of it because it was such a hard decision to make in the first place.

Tilli I felt like this at the beginning. I was adamant that I wanted nobody to know as I didn't want anyone worrying. Also its bad enough that I mentally beat myself up when I fail but I also didn't want others in on the act too or judging every mouthful I took at mealtimes etc. It wa hubby that encouraged to tell the immediate family. We are a very close knit family & it would have been very difficult to explain why I was not about as well as the recovery later. I told my two friends because to be honest I didn't want them fretting over why the weight was suddenly dropping off me since both of them are recent cancer survivors. I was surprised at folks reactions when I told them all were over the moon and excited for me. Except my son of course but at 31 he's entitled to his opinions as long as he keeps them to hisself. What shocked me most was how much people where already worried for me because of my weight and my decline in health but didn't really know how to deal with it... They were actually relieved! So I'm actually quite glad hubby talked me round.

 

[pinkprincess77]

Pre op my boyfriend and my dad were dead against me having the bypass done. I had already lost quite alot of weight pre op and their opinion was I'd done well so just carry on. I hated the fact that I was hurting them with what I was doing,but ultimately it's my life and happiness I had to think of.

My boyfriend was even trying to talk me out of it on the day of my op. This didn't help as I was absolutely terrified that something was going to go wrong. This was my last chance of a fresh start and the beginning of my new slimmer, healthier life.

I did write a post on here post op because my boyfriend had said that he felt he had lost part of me because at the moment we can't go out for meals ect. I explained I am exactly the same person if fact I am the happiest I have ever been.

It's like many of us have said many people who have never had a weight problem simply don't understand why we would chose this route. They just say try harder. Only someone who as battled with their weight can truly understand how we feel and why we are so greatful for this tool.

Sorry for waffling. At the end of the day I didn't have their support and in a way I still don't but they are coming around slowly. I have always thought of everyone else and their happiness but it was time fr me to think about my self. It took courage and detemination and I did it. I am sooooo glad I did go ahead with it. It is by far the best thing I have ever done for my self and my family in the long run.

Good luck with your journey stay strong x