Reality Check

[phatgirl]

I felt like I wanted to say something about the sudden abundance of sad news lately. In this community that I have had the lucky good fortune to have been a part of since October, 2008 we have never had one of our members die as a result of weight loss surgery. However, recently 2 people known by members have passed due to complications. It is incredibly sad to hear about these people who just wanted a chance at a better life being taken away. Their poor families must be devestated and my heart breaks for them.

I mean no disrespect to those fine people but I wanted to speak about their passings as a reality check for us all. We all understand that complications can and due arise. We also know that death is possible as a result of weight loss surgery. Hearing about someone who has died or possibly even knowing someone who has died is completely different. It is natural to be shocked, dismayed and even scared about the risks if you are yet to have surgery. A good, healthy fear of risks is appropriate.

That said we can't let our fear be a virus and spread between us. It becomes contagious and everyone feels the effects. Some of you might remember that one of my ward mates from my op was brutally murdered by her ex-boyfriend in her own home. The statistical chances of knowing a victim of a brutal homicide as well as knowing the perpetrator is far lower than the chances of someone dying during a gastric bypass but it doesn't make it any less true that it happened. The sad fact is that pre-op many, if not most, of us had a short shelf life in this world due to our health problems. Each person who has wls has risks, some are even more elevated due to the state of their health. We don't see the statistics on how many people who were considering surgery but didn't get it and died within 2 to 5 years. Think about that for a minute, what about those people who never got up the nerve to ask their docs for referral, were never tested for sleep apnea and ended up dying from a heart attack in their sleep or the diabetic who's kidneys failed on them before the were able to research the bypass. It happens all the time but because we can't 'prove' what if scenarios we don't have the data to back it up.

I am sorry if this sentiment offends anyone, it was just something I felt needed saying. We have to be thankful for everyone one of us who gets to see the wls journey through to a happy end, it is the best we can do and when we have to say goodbye to someone we have to feel sad but continue on our way. Hopefully we can gain enough happiness to share with others on their way.

Nic

 

[bridiegeorge]

Thank you i couldnt agree more. many many lives are saved due to the surgery. it is still very sad to hear of any deaths for whatever reason but their are risks with everything we do..

 

[j.u.s.t.l.i.z.]

Its late at night for me to comment nic but i now know 3 peeps thats passed from wls and it brings to me the reality of the gamble taken by each and every one of us xx

but i still personally feel that gamble is worth it as its changed so many lives, and we all know the stats when we go in for this ! or do we ?

 

[thinkbethin]

Thankyou Nic, I totally agree with you and have stated this in the "sad news" thread.

 

[LizzieBee]

Wise words and I couldn't agree more. To enter the surgery route without thinking through all the risks and benefits would be naive. However, the benefits I am beginning to feel (after the pre-op diet and only 1 week on!) are just wonderful! I view my new future with excitement where anything is possible!

Lx

 

[CCPM]

Excellent, thought provoking post Nic.

M

 

[dreamofbeingslim]

Couldn't agree more Nic. We all know the statistics and hopefully everyone does the research before they have the op. Its just that when something does go wrong the media make a big thing about it but I am sure people die during other operations too but nothing is ever made of that. I think we need to focus on all the positives look at all you fantastic people out there that have had your ops and their general health is improving coming off of medication that they have been on for years.

I just want to say even though I have said the above my heart still goes out to those that have lost a loved one.

 

[mandym1]

Thanks for posting this phatgirl, as I am really scared because of this recent spell of bad news. You have given me a lot of positive things to think about.

Surgery is defo what I want so as sad as all this news is I have to keep focused if I want a better life.

 

[Sambucca]

Thank you for this thread Nic. As you know, I have been waiting about 7 - 8 months now for surgery, and have done loads of research along the way. I'm certain that WLS is what I want, and am in awe of all of you wonderful people on here that have gone before me and shown me how successful WLS is.

However, I would be lying if I said I wasnt terrified after the recent posts about deaths and horrid complications. I am feeling low in general anyway, and naturally worried about the op, but these recent events have made me doubt whether I am doing the right thing. I need WLS for myself, but cant bear to think of my husband coping to bring up the girls alone if anything happened to me.

I cant wait to be post op and losing weight with these fears behind me. I think we are all very brave having WLS to cure our obesity and other health problems. We all need to be fully prepared for the life changing experience and knowing about the complications/risks, whilst frightening, is essential.

 

[elffie01]

Sambucca took the words right out of my mouth (fingers).
It gives you a smack down to reality when you hear about someones loss, and the little things like buying 'normal' size clothes fade into the background. BUT they are always there and will stay there.
My scales are well over on the side of WLS and nothing will change that.

 

[Porpo]

I think it's easy to convince yourself that the risks are only really for the patient that's heavier, older, with more co-morbidities etc etc but at the end of the day we are each taking a gamble that we may die during or due to the operation. Each time I've read about a death or complication it brings it home and I feel like such a failure for not just sorting my weight out myself and for putting my family in the position where I might die. If only we had a crystal ball, I would rather be fat than dead but I want to live a fuller life where I can go and do things and enjoy things more, where I dont avoid seeing people so they wont judge me. Its a really difficult decision for all of us. Thanks Nic for what you've said you're absolutely right and I would love to know the life expectancy of those who decide against surgery.
x

 

[Bonita]

Nic what you said is true and I applaud you for saying it, you are right when you say that many of us wouldn't survive very long without the surgery anyway, so we should be embracing this operation, understanding the risks, but also understanding and embracing the fact that for most of us at least, this is going to be a life changing experience.

But and I have to say this. This operation is not without serious risks and any one of us would be very stupid if we didn't take that on board or ignored them. I know that none of us like to think about that side of things, and I feel very guilty myself for bringing my post op problems onto the board, but if it means just one person recognises the signs from reading my experience and kicks up a fuss as a result then its worth a bit of guilt.

What these sad stories are telling us is that if you feel there is something wrong at all then you must shout at anyone that will listen and kick up that fuss. After all we know our own bodies better than anyone. I certainly knew something was wrong initially but was worried about causing a fuss. On reflection that was stupid in the extreme but is probably what most people would have done.

You wouldn't cross the road without looking both ways but occasionally some people get knocked down, and this is pretty much the same thing, have your operation, know that in the main most go smoothly without a problem, just be aware that every once in a while things do go wrong and don't be scared to query things every step of the way so that you can stay safe.

 

[fuze]

Thank you PG for your message. I was shocked as many others when I read the thread about the sad news. Like many others I thought I had already delt with and reasoned with myself about the complications, and this has now brought it back to the forefront of my mind. But thank you for the reassuring words, it is hard not to focus on the negative but as you say the negative of not having it (WLS) done would be an almost guaranteed early death with a greatly reduced quality of life in the intervening time. Thats why I wont be discouraged from having my surgery done, it has just highlighted that there are a few things that I need to do before my surgery to make sure I have some piece of mind.

RIP and my heart goes out to the family.

 

[serenitylove]

i half agree with you and half dont although i wouldnt want anyone to read anything and be put off i do think we all have a small degree of it would never happen to me , i think this just makes people realise it does happen stastics are very easy to forget real people arnt. that said the benifits are worth the risk

 

[Snowcrystal]

Everyone has said something very poignant...I can feel the fear of all you post oppers...You wouldn't be normal if you weren't.

Last night I read the article out to my husband about this poor lady..I started to make the comparisons with myself, her being a grandmother, a mother, a wife, and being the same side of the fence with respect to her age...I got very emotional about it all.

My mind in overdrive, I saw my husbands face for the last time, my children's and my grandchildrens...Don't get me wrong I have considered them in my every decision regarding WLS, but to be honest I have tended to be swayed by the positive, I have argued with them when they have shown the least bit of negative towards WLS...I have been a bit blinkered.

My husband worries that I come here too much because sometimes I worry about what I read...But I am so pleased that we are so honest in here...I need that...We need that...Our loved ones need that too...But after we talked he agreed that neither he nor I would have the knowledge that we do if it were not for Mini's.....Doctors surgeries and surgeons only work for a certain amount of time and they are not at our beck and call.....but Mini's is here 24/7 with advice and opinions to be shared and made aware of...we know that none of us are doctors, but what we all have is experience, no matter at what stage we are, from pre op to post op...And, as I have always said, we can only make informed decisions when we are informed.

I decided last night that I would hold off on making my decision to having surgery until I have had my one-2-one with my surgeon...In other words I am not going to be so hell bent on getting it and I am not going to be so blinkered...(With my current health problems, my surgeon might decide I am not a candidate anyway)...

I thought to myself if I were in an RTA and in urgent need of an operation, would I say to the surgeon....ohhh no you can't operate on me because there is a risk to me dying as a result of an operation!...Am I going to die if I don't get WLS?...Probably, eventually, maybe.....Will I die if I do get surgery...Maybe!

I hope this forum remains as supportive and honest to each other for many years to come...even if it's not always good news.

(((hugs)))

 

[Snowcrystal]

What these sad stories are telling us is that if you feel there is something wrong at all then you must shout at anyone that will listen and kick up that fuss. After all we know our own bodies better than anyone. I certainly knew something was wrong initially but was worried about causing a fuss. On reflection that was stupid in the extreme but is probably what most people would have done.

This is probably the most important piece of advice you'll ever receive........Please make a fuss if you don't feel right!

(((hugs)))

 

[candie]

What a great thought provoking post Nic
Despite all the risks, I was never worried about dying due to the surgery, as I really felt like I was dying a slow death anyway with all the fat I was carrying around, and the way it was limiting my life
Mr A told me the risk for death in bowel surgery is 1 in 20, so that put it in perspective for me
Now 1 week post op, I am at least 2 stone down, and I can literally see the lost inches already

 

[phatgirl]

Thank you all for your thoughtful comments. I am glad that this thread has got you talking and thinking. I do agree that we all tend to gloss over in our minds the complications and risks, it won't happen to me is something we all soothe ourselves with from time to time. WLS is a giant leap of faith and without the faith that you will land safely on the other side, the leap is a almost impossible to make. What you build that faith on is what makes the real difference. Is your faith in the surgery built on research, considered medical advice and a healthy bit of fear of remaining obese? Or is your faith blind, based on need to be thin, conviction that it can't go wrong for you or despiration to change your life in some way? Give that a thought because it is important.

I applaud people that have come on here and explained complications they have suffered because sometimes just being wise to what could happen is enough to save your own life should something go very wrong. Being realistic is the very best weapon you have against complications. If you are real with yourself before surgery about what can happen and make sure that you make as much fuss as needed when you feel 'off' you have armed yourself and have a greater chance of being happy, healthy and a big loser!

Nic