What to tell people?

[831phil]

My choice was to just tell my close family and friends - like a previous post, I dont want the pressure of "how much have you lost this week?" etc... I have told a couple of other people as the journey has continued but in the main work colleagues think I had my gall bladder out as my wonderful GP just put "abdominal surgery" - my only problem now is its amazing just how many people have had their gall bladder out and want to compare notes!!!! lol!! I am not ashamed of what I have done - just worried about the added pressure of people's expectations. But I will echo what everyone else says - your decision xx

 

[Andy1968]

I didn't want anyone to know as I was ashamed n embrassed, but u know what idid I held my head high and told everyone and I'm proud to say iv had a gastric bypass to lose weight and live my life for me and no1 else, and if u have an issue, write it in a post card and post it to some1 who cares cos I don't.

The best thing I can say is be proud of what u are doing it's a massive brave step!!!

In 8 weeks post op I look so different after losing 6st 4lbs, ppl ask questions like are u ill are u suffering, so I told the world n gald I did xx

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:8855:

 

[Haylz6]

Very true xx

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[LET.ME.OUT.OF.THIS.BODY]

I think most of us have this dilema, i chose to keep it to myself right up until i got my date for surgery last week and i though that it was time i told my hubby, his reaction made it much easier to confide in a couple of close friends and my boss who has been a friend for many years, they have all been amazingly supportive and shcked that i have gone through the past 18 months alone (well not exactly because ive had everyone here on WLSurgery.com). My dilema now is that i really dont want to publicly announce my surgery but at the same time i am not comfortable with lying to friends, family and colleagues, they are hopefully going to notice and comment on my weight loss and i really dont want to lie, but part of me thinks its none of their bussiness it is mine. i work in a hospital and the people i work with are all educated people who i imagine will put 2+2 togther (well she's been off work a month and come back a shadow of her former self - i think she's had mre than just a hernia repair????).
its a tough call but its your call. good luck x

 

[patricia2612]

I decided I wouldn't tell anyone I had a band only my bf, I r

 

[patricia2612]

I really didn't want to tell anyone or even my parents because I thought they wouldn't understand. Literally 3 days before I was due to go to Belgium for my op I decided to tell my parents... I put myself in their position and thought if I had a daughter I would want her to feel as though she could tell me anything and I thought what if something went wrong I couldn't live with the guilt. So I told them and I'm glad I did because they were so supportive, they knew that my weight was ducha an issue and was literally taking over my life and I had to do something about it...so I'm glad I told them, my mum was so cute she went to sainsbury's, stocked up on juices, windeze tablets, teas, juices, you name it she got it...she was amazing!! I love you mum! But I never told anyone else because I didn't want people to keep watching what I was eating and keep asking how much I weighed etc..I also felt a little ashamed and di worry too much about what people think which I hate, I wish I didn't care but anyway it's up to everyone individually whether they want to tell people or not...

 

[greyputy]

I told a few friends and family early days that i wanted a sleeve and they were really supportive Then I went through a spell where the surgeons had decided on a bypass for me. This started to worry them and they started to make negative comments 'don't do that it's too drastic' or one even said when I thinking no to the bypass myself 'I knew you weren't stupid enough to go through with it'. At that point I was personally split between fighting for sleeve or accepting the bypass. So I told them that I wasn't having surgery so that was that.
In the background of course I was still determined that I would have surgery and joined this group, which led me to the support group at my hospital. At my support group they encouraged me to ring the surgeon and tell them that I didn't want bypass and wanted sleeve as they saw how upset I was about it.
With a bit more encouragement from two new friends from the group I rang the hospital. The surgeon considered my plee and accepted it. Also gave me a date. At this point I retold my family and close friends and manager as it was only two weeks away. Gulp. All done now and love my sleeve.
I kinda of wish I kept my my shut at the beginning cos I told a couple of people about my initial thoughts so when they see me lighter they will know. I have trouble keeping my private life private lol

 

[greyputy]

As if I hadn't said enough with previous post lol

Just thinking in hindsight I wish I only told a select few in the beginning. As there was more questions from people than answers

I have found it easier getting support from everyone on this here website and at the SRH support group. In all honesty, yes it's nice to have family and friends to support but unfortunately that isn't always possible for some. Maybe brooch the subject to gauge reaction then keep quiet if it's not what you hope for. No one needs negativity with such a major thing in life.

 

[FuturePerfect]

Two of my sisters are so supportive, and have been right from the start. One of my other sisters was so derisive about Dawn French's weight loss the other week, sneering that 'she must have had surgery' implying that she had failed in managing weight loss without surgical intervention, that I realised there and then that the previous decision NOT to tell other family members about my surgery was the right one.

I just don't have the will to try to re-educate people about why this is the only thing that will work for me - and I think that is basically the problem - prejudices against people taking the surgery route are rooted in ignorance and negative media press.

At a time when I need to be focusing on me, I'm going to avoid the detractors by keeping them out of the loop.

Maybe later in the journey I'll feel differently, but for now, I feel secure in that the 4 family members who do know are those that provide me the right kind of support. I also told my boss, and a close work friend, but that is the extent of my willingness to share (apart from all the forum members here of course)

Everyone's decision whether or not to tell people is entirely personal, and what is good for one, may not work for another.

Best of luck whatever you decide.

 

[Barbiembt]

It is a hard to decide what to tell people. I am 8+ months postop and at my goal weight trying to maintain. Everyone who hasn't seen me for awhile always asks how I did it. Don't you think that is rude? Sometimes I just tell them I went on a Doctor supervised plan and sometimes I tell them I had surgery (RNY). Now that I reached my goal weight and look and feel great, I find I am more likely to tell people I had the surgery. Before I had WLS and told some people I was going to have it, most people had a bad reaction and would try to talk me out of it. Everyone knew someone.who had WLS and gained all the weight back or had major complications, etc. However, now most of those people have apologized, told me I look great, they can see I changed how I eat and I will be successful.

 

[pandora]

I have told my mum , dad , sister , a couple of friends ( only have a couple ) & most of my work collegues . As a nurse the work people understand the op so I don't get questions & most have been very supportive , in fact the only 1 of them who hasn't said much is the ward clerk so doesn't know the ins n outs .
Mum & dad will support me & havn really said much or asked much , but they , like the 2 friends I have told , have watched me battle my weight over the years .
The only negative person has been my sister , so I just don't talk to her about it .

 

[Suwiexx]

Where I live now I don't really have close friends just the girls at baby group I was think ing if telling 1 but then didn't I think it's because I don't know them well enough but I still might. I have told my sisters and my mum and my partner just because i feel i should as there family that's it there all very supportive but also worried that things could go wrong not that the opp is the wrong choice I think it's just cautious of them. they know how I have struggled all my life being big and how I've tied in the past I have never been a normal weight not even as a kid. I think I'm making the right design but its just the finality of it being irreversible I think that is the biggest worry.

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[FuturePerfect]

I think a good rule of thumb when considering whether to tell someone or not, is what sort of changes in their behavior that person is going to have to make to accommodate the changes in your lifestyle once they do know. For example if you are going to need their support to ‘cover up’ for a change in ordering / eating style when going out to eat, or will need emotional support for the tough times.

If telling someone is not going to change your relationship, why tell them? Or indeed, if telling someone will change your relationship for the worse, again, why tell them?

There isn’t an easy answer.

 

[Suwiexx]

I think a good rule of thumb when considering whether to tell someone or not, is what sort of changes in their behavior that person is going to have to make to accommodate the changes in your lifestyle once they do know. For example if you are going to need their support to 'cover up' for a change in ordering / eating style when going out to eat, or will need emotional support for the tough times.

If telling someone is not going to change your relationship, why tell them? Or indeed, if telling someone will change your relationship for the worse, again, why tell them?

There isn't an easy answer.

Thats really good point and has made me think, thanks so much fir replying xxx

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[Emza]

Hi Sue,

I only told my close family about my bypass which I had in August, and not I don't mind shouting it from the rooftops

Where are you in Kent, I live in Canterbury, so if you are not too far we can meet up for a chat and a cuppa

Good luck on your journey xx

 

[mariew]

I have told the whole world!! The only people who had anything negative to say are my in laws, and I just put it down to their generation not liking change!! Or I could be mean and say, they have lived on slimming world on and off for 2 years and lose it then regain. My MIL thinks the NHS should not have paid for it. BUT, she has a couple who live a couple of doors away from her, he had a sleeve on nhs, she had a sleeve self funded. She is always telling me how fab they look. She also thinks I wasn't fat enough to need it!! Regardless of the fact I was over 21st and had diabetes and high bp as well as a host of other minor problems, and very bad joints. Everyone one else has asked sensible questions and are very supportive. My cousin did ask me if I would regain all the weight when I have my staples removed!!!! I had to explain this is irreversible
Whatever you decide is entirely down to you. There is no right or wrong. However, when I lost 9lb this week on my first week post op, everyone was genuinely pleased for me, and I wanted to announce it via loudhaler. Good luck what ever you decide. x

 

[miserable]

I am very scared of Xmas.... before my op which was 6 weeks ago only my OH knew and I wanted to keep it that way... but he got scared and he shared it with his parents... which was fine but his mum cannot keep anything (which was the reason I did want them to know) anyway they were both fine then she told her daughter who is a pharmacist.... BUT they arent the reason I am scared. No one in my family knows and they Wld go mental if they knew. My patents especially and even tho I am 28 I feel like a child around them and really are bad at lying or hiding anything from them, so when they ll c small portion the fact that I am not drinking champagne or wine... so anyone who has coping system or ideas I would be very very grateful for the help

 

[pandora]

Could you maybe say you are on antibiotics so not allowed to drink ...... say urine infection or something & they are also making you a little nauseous so only eating small amounts ???
Hope it goes ok & you enjoy Xmas xx

 

[amanda1]

Hi
I have told everyone and they have all been great I am now 3 weeks post op and when I was out last night I got some lovely comments which makes it all worth it

 

[miserable]

Thanks Pandora sounds like a good idea : xxx