What to tell people?

[jenny17]

I've told no-one at all, other than my hubby and daughter. Not even my mother. I have seen/heard too many derogatory comments made by people who either ignorant of the facts surrounding food addiction or against the use of NHS funding for bariatric surgery. My husband and I also have a close friend who we believe has had surgery, but like me not told anyone, who as such, might be a member of this forum. Therefore I won't be adding any pics and don't use my real name. As far as work goes, I have told people I am waiting for a hernia op. They already know I have been on a diet for 12 months so will hopefully see the weightloss as an extension of that. I intend to use annual leave rather than sick leave for the recovery period.

 

[Haylz6]

I still tell the world about my, I make light of it in a jokey way, and if any1 has an issue they can jog on, I'm the happiest if been in years, iv done this for me an no1 else and I'm proud I decided to change my life for the better..... Don't let other people bring u down on ur own hard work xxx

 

[its ellen]

I agree! It is a personal choice! At the end of the day this is about you making a better life for you! Tell or don't tell! The most important thing is you are taking the journey, not who's watching!
That said, I have found by being open about my bypass to come, that I have received support and care from the most unlikeliest of people around me!

doing well

 

[mazd20010]

I'm having my bypass on 23rd April I have been open and honest about it as friends family and colleagues were aware that I have been under a weight management clinic for the past couple of years. The only negative response has been from one of our closest friends who accused me of getting a quick fix but has since given her approval as if I needed it!!!

 

[Jennifer Williams]

I feel the same. I have only told 3 people. I am afraid to share it. Like people are going to judge me. I can't put it on Facebook yet. My dad does not even know. Mom does and my kids do. So coming here is my way of saying it to the world. Judge me not i am doing it for me. Is what i want to tell everyone. But to shy to say it.

 

[Sarahmaria]

Yeah i really think its up to the individual. I personally dont want to tell anyone (bar maybe my mum). Esp dont want to tell boyfriend. He would be really against the whole thing. I remember him once givin me a lecture about how you should never have non-essential surgery (hes a surgeon). I do actually believ its essential but know he wouldnt understand. Hes 6ft 5 and eats really healthy and therefore thinks any weight should be lost by eating sensibly + active lifestyle.
I do plan to tell him somewhere down the line (like if i get pregnant). Would be pretty hard to hide those scars during the ultrasound lol. For now tho-i just want to deal with it myself.
Do you guys think im crazy?

Sm xox

 

[snagglepuss]

You won't be able to hide the tiny amounts you eat post surgery from your boyfriend I don't think! I've not told many about my surgery, and I'm constantly making excuses for not finishing my dinner! "I ate earlier""I'm not feeling well""I've had a bug" etc etc! It's not as easy as you think to hide it, but good luck if you try!

On a more serious note, if you are taken ill or have an accident and get rushed into hospital, someone will need to warn them to be very careful if they put a feeding tube down your throat, as it needs to be done differently, so it makes sense for your boyfriend to know so he can advise them if you are unable to. They also might need to avoid or change the dose of certain drugs. This is a very serious operation and the after effects last forever so please bear that in mind before you decide not to tell anyone, admitting it beforehand might save your life at a later date. Best of luck x

 

[Yvessa]

sorry to be crude but does he not see your tummy when you're having sex?

 

[Sarahmaria]

Never really thought of that. Yeah makes sense snagglepuss-i will have to think about it a bit more.
Xx

 

[suzie123]

sorry put the post in the wrong post

 

[Sarahmaria]

sorry to be crude but does he not see your tummy when you're having sex?

Lol thats a very valid question yvessa. He actually has maybe only seen it once in the 2 and a half years we've been going out. Thats cus im really self conscious. Its always been a case of lights completly out (not even light on in the hall) or i keep a top/vest on during. Think hes just accepted it. Sad i know. Thats another thing im hoping surgery will improve-body confidence!

Xo

 

[Miss Tickle]

I told no one at all apart from my kids and my partner. No one else has guessed.
I really, REALLY wish I'd told my sister. I can't tell her now as it's too late and she would be very hurt that I didn't share it with her in the beginning. I'll never be able to tell her now and it makes me feel deceitful. I also have to be really careful not to 'give myself away' and that makes me feel like a dirty little liar too.
I'm going out on a limb here to really urge you to tell your boyfriend. If he is going to be your life partner you need to share this huge thing with him. If your relationship is strong you will come to an understanding. Just imagine how he will feel further down the line that you did not discuss it with him. Do you think maybe he'll think you don't discuss other major issues with him, be hurt and that you'll jeopardise your relationship?
You won't be able to hide it from him as your eating and drinking will be VASTLY different than it is now.
It's an old adage-but successful relationships are based on trust. Please rethink this one.

 

[Yvessa]

I also would agree with Miss Tickle on this. Not least because this journey is not just physical but also hugely emotional. You will need his support. I know that I could not have gotten through the first two weeks without my bf. I needed his stability just to cope with the fear of getting it wrong and the tiredness and what to eat.

 

[Sarahmaria]

Thanks guys-uv given me something to think about. To be honest i hadnt really thought about it properly. I dont even have a surgery date yet so plenty of time to work up the courage to tell him. I guess i just thought that cus we kinda have a long distance relationship for the next year (hes working in london, im in fermanagh) that it would be easier-like we not sharing meals etc but didnt think about the longterm. I think this discussion has kinda highlighted that i need to do a lot more preparation. In my head its go in to hospital-out few days later and the only change is eating a bit less without the hunger. Im ignoring the pain, possible complications, side effects, need to plan ahead, exercise etc. Need to be a bit more realistic!

Thanks guys, appreciate advise.

Xo

 

[Thump]

I'm not going to tell anyone. I'm a very private person and I've had enough people scrutinising what I eat and what I weight and asking impertinent questions to last me a life time as it is. I didn't even have to tell HR or my boss exactly what I was having done, just that I had an op next week and would be off work. My boss was super supportive and respectful of my privacy so she let me black out the more telling parts of my booking confirmation.

I've told a couple of friends I was having surgery but not what. I know they'd be supportive but I'm just not comfortable with sharing anything relate to my weight struggles. I guess it's too strong a defensive mechanism. I don't have a bf, my family lives in France. It's just me and my cat I will see my family three months post-op when I vist them for ten days but I'll be on solids by then, though eating much less. They know I do a lot of diets so I'm counting on them assuming I'm on another one. Alternatively, I'll say I've been to the dentist and my mouth hurts I'm prone to cavities so they'll probably believe it.

My parents have been guilty of the most weight tracking and commenting. They mean well but I'd rather they be delighted and think it's their efforts than keep even closer attention and feel entitled to even more tracking...

 

[miserable]

Do u have someone to look after you for 24 hours after surgery? You must have someone. Totally understand about not telling only told Oh ( not much choice ad we live together ) but my parents certainly don't know as they always have been on my case and caused most of the problem despite all their good intention. Good luck its a hard yet fab journey

 

[JO28172]

Mis I was home alone on day 1....but slept alot anyway...just slow getting to make that cuppa tea

 

[miserable]

Ah ok then, my provider was adamant to have someone with me for first 24 hours. God so many different advices you would think we have had different surgeries!!! Anyway how u doing on ur last stone Jo?

 

[JO28172]

Yeh getting there Hun, 8lb to go AND COUNTING lol xx

 

[miserable]

New picture looks fab