What to tell people

[Beth72]

I'm having my sleeve very soon & as the nerves kick in, am getting stressed about what to tell people I see regularly. I've not told anyone about my surgery except hubby & 2 close friends & wouldn't feel comfortable telling anyone else as don't want to be judged / gossiped about etc. I meet 3 other friends (all slim!) twice a week for lunch & obviously won't be able to do that after my sleeve for about 3-4 weeks.

The only thing I can think of is removal of an ovarian cyst - already had gall bladder removed! Feel bad lying, but no choice really if dont want to talk about WLS. What have others said who haven't wanted to make the surgery public knowledge? X

 

[tealovingsleever]

I just went off radar for a few weeks. You won't be able to eat out with them for ages unless you can have soup!

Maybe you can tell them you're on slim fast or something?!

 

[emma-louise]

I'm having my sleeve very soon & as the nerves kick in, am getting stressed about what to tell people I see regularly. I've not told anyone about my surgery except hubby & 2 close friends & wouldn't feel comfortable telling anyone else as don't want to be judged / gossiped about etc. I meet 3 other friends (all slim!) twice a week for lunch & obviously won't be able to do that after my sleeve for about 3-4 weeks.

The only thing I can think of is removal of an ovarian cyst - already had gall bladder removed! Feel bad lying, but no choice really if dont want to talk about WLS. What have others said who haven't wanted to make the surgery public knowledge? X

You sounds just like me,I told 2 close friends and close family.
I just couldn't be bothered explaining myself and it's my business.
However you will be gossiped about if the weight drops off you like it did with me.
I had strangers stop me in the road
And the school playground was the worse! Whispering,nudging etc..I'm old news now!!...lol
Just tell them what your comfortable with,it's your life not theirs x

 

[JoJoTGirl]

Firstly, I understand how you feel. Before my sleeve I wanted to tell as few people as possible and still feel the same to some extent, however if you plan to continue meeting to eat out regularly within a small group, I don't really know how you are going to be able to get away with not telling them. I am 9 weeks post op now and am eating out again now but it's very, very obvious as I can only eat teeny portions.........even the average starter is way more food than I can manage in one sitting.
I decided to tell my regular lunch out buddies for just this reason and was shocked (in a very good way) to hear them saying how brave they thought I was and how much they admired me for having the courage to go to such extreme lengths etc. They have been nothing but supportive and encouraging and, even better than that, they cover for me when we go out for lunch now by either sharing small amounts from their plates or taking some excess from my plate to make it less obvious I haven't left half of the small amount I ordered in the first place.
Otherwise, I have kept my surgery well under my belt. Said I was having "abdominal surgery" etc to explain my absences etc and most people just assumed bits and pieces and politely didn't ask any more except for how I was getting along etc. Now, as I am loosing weight, people are constantly asking "how" I am doing it and I am saying that I am following a high protein, very low calorie diet supervised by a dietician (which is all true!!) I can't bear the thought of everyone gossiping about me and insinuating that its all effortless (because it is not!!!). It's tough stuff, I felt like I'd spent my whole life being looked at side ways, gossiped about and looked down on and I want a break from it frankly. I also thought that this was the hardest decision and would be the hardest journey of my life (but so worth it) so for some skinny minny to belittle it might just send me over the edge, now as my confidence creeps up (as my weight creeps down) I feel a bit more proud and am "coming out" a bit more. So far, only to positive end but I'm sure the day will come when some git will take a piddle on my fire. I wish you the best of luck m'dear....any questions, fire away. I'm not shy on forums. lol. x

 

[pooh71]

Only my mum, hubby and mother in law know family wise, but most of my friends know and people I work with as I'm with them mostly. I couldn't cope with thinking who've i told,what! haha, so just told them! Everyone has reacted very positively and their support is really important. I felt dubious telling them but glad I did.
But as you say, if you don't feel comfortable telling people, stick to the abdominal surgery and hopefully people are polite enough not to ask any further questions! x

 

[slaz]

I'm having my sleeve very soon & as the nerves kick in, am getting stressed about what to tell people I see regularly. I've not told anyone about my surgery except hubby & 2 close friends & wouldn't feel comfortable telling anyone else as don't want to be judged / gossiped about etc. I meet 3 other friends (all slim!) twice a week for lunch & obviously won't be able to do that after my sleeve for about 3-4 weeks.

The only thing I can think of is removal of an ovarian cyst - already had gall bladder removed! Feel bad lying, but no choice really if dont want to talk about WLS. What have others said who haven't wanted to make the surgery public knowledge? X

Only my wife knows that I have had surgery but as it was only two weeks ago it is early days and I am expecting to face some difficult moments in keeping it quiet. The one thing I am determined to do is avoid telling any lies, I am no politician but they all seem to be able to avoid giving full and truthful answers and I will try to learn the skill.I remember my wife asking me twenty years ago if I had had a cigarette when we were both supposed to have stopped, "as if I would" said I. Good luck, Slaz x

 

[Beth72]

Thank you everyone - just told my regular friends who I meet for lunch that I'll be off the radar for a few weeks as having an op for women's problems. That leaves it quite general & depending on how I feel when I next see them, I may or may not provide them with more info.

Like the idea of low cal diet supervised by dietitian tho. Like you Slaz, don't want to really lie as prob come back to bite me on the nose - if you come up with any politician type answers, let me know!! x

 

[slaz]

The fact is Beth that once you are in full circulation again you will be losing weight by eating small portions of low fat, low sugar meals and taking regular exercise.

 

[JoJoTGirl]

Absolutely true Slaz! It's certainly not effortless, just easier than before but its hard toe xplain away such teeny portions.......no way it wouldn't be noticed in a small group.....which is a pain! Good luck you guys.

 

[Beth72]

Do you miss eating larger portions JoJo - is the desire to eat more there, but you physically can't or is the desire no longer there? I'm trying to say is do you find your eyes are bigger than your belly. On day 3 of my pre op & finding it ok, but know couldn't keep this up long term - it's funny how fear of jeopardising the op is keeping me on track. Wish I could have real deadlines to keep me on track each week like this as I'm surprising myself how little I'm eating.... then we wouldn't need the surgery I guess! x

 

[Yvessa]

I am almost a year out and my eyes can still be bigger than my belly. And restriction will vary. Some days you will eat more than others.

 

[Sashie1977]

Hi Beth, I told 3 very close friends, my family and my boss at work. As far as everyone else is concerned, I told them (as they knew how obese I was) that I went to my GP for help and he referred me to a consultant and dietician who put me on a very strict diet and I was to eat less and off a smaller plate. That way I can get away with just having a starter when I go out for dinner with friends.

 

[JoJoTGirl]

Do you miss eating larger portions JoJo - is the desire to eat more there, but you physically can't or is the desire no longer there? I'm trying to say is do you find your eyes are bigger than your belly. On day 3 of my pre op & finding it ok, but know couldn't keep this up long term - it's funny how fear of jeopardising the op is keeping me on track. Wish I could have real deadlines to keep me on track each week like this as I'm surprising myself how little I'm eating.... then we wouldn't need the surgery I guess! x

Mostly, the desire to eat more than I can isn't there (whcih is just so weird to me!), but on the very odd occasion I am enjoying what I am eating so much that I really would like to be able to finish at least the little portion I gave myself to start with. Also weirdly though, we are not talking about all the treat foods I would have scoffed and scoffed pre op. Worst occasion was a delicious fish pie I'd made with plaice and smoked haddock in a low fat cheese sauce......it was just soooo yummy and on another I had a really good quality sausage which I had to chop up and feed to the cat to get it off my plate as I was desperate to eat it! Now though I can sit at friends house in front of a table of cakes and biscuits and other treats not be worried about having any at all and that is the very weirdest thing of all..................in a super, smashing, great kind of way! : ))

 

[Angela1310]

I told everyone, family were very supportive, my work colleagues all thought I was brave There were no negative or nasty comments, at least not to my face!

It has made it easy for me because they all know they dont try to get me to eat takeaway or sweets. No offers of crisps or chocolate.

One of the men said to me today that I look really good LOL,, then blushed and said I mean healthy pmsl

I do eat out but stick to a starter or have some of my husbands on a side plate. I eat off a tea plate and I know when I have had enough. Best decision ever was to have this op.

 

[triedeverything]

Hi I'm new and hoping to have the sleeve surgery very soon (awaiting a date through BMI). My problem is I have a friend who also has similar weight problems to me and she's really quite competitive. We are all going on holiday together in July with our kids and hubbies, sharing a villa etc.

I'm really hoping that I will have had my surgery and be on the losing tip by then but I just can't face telling her the truth as she will be particularly jealous I'm afraid. When I lost weight a few years ago (weight watchers/exercise), she joined Lighter Life in order to also lose weight and did so 3 times as quick as me. I was really happy for her but when we both started re-gaining the weight she seemed happier somehow?

Anyway, bottom line is if I tell her the truth I know she will tell everyone and my secret will no longer be a secret. That should be my decision not hers. I also know she will be very jealous and I just can't deal with that. I will have to think of something to tell her, afterall we will be sharing a villa for 2 weeks but I just don't know what yet!! Help!

 

[n1cola]

Firstly, I understand how you feel. Before my sleeve I wanted to tell as few people as possible and still feel the same to some extent, however if you plan to continue meeting to eat out regularly within a small group, I don't really know how you are going to be able to get away with not telling them. I am 9 weeks post op now and am eating out again now but it's very, very obvious as I can only eat teeny portions.........even the average starter is way more food than I can manage in one sitting.
I decided to tell my regular lunch out buddies for just this reason and was shocked (in a very good way) to hear them saying how brave they thought I was and how much they admired me for having the courage to go to such extreme lengths etc. They have been nothing but supportive and encouraging and, even better than that, they cover for me when we go out for lunch now by either sharing small amounts from their plates or taking some excess from my plate to make it less obvious I haven't left half of the small amount I ordered in the first place.
Otherwise, I have kept my surgery well under my belt. Said I was having "abdominal surgery" etc to explain my absences etc and most people just assumed bits and pieces and politely didn't ask any more except for how I was getting along etc. Now, as I am loosing weight, people are constantly asking "how" I am doing it and I am saying that I am following a high protein, very low calorie diet supervised by a dietician (which is all true!!) I can't bear the thought of everyone gossiping about me and insinuating that its all effortless (because it is not!!!). It's tough stuff, I felt like I'd spent my whole life being looked at side ways, gossiped about and looked down on and I want a break from it frankly. I also thought that this was the hardest decision and would be the hardest journey of my life (but so worth it) so for some skinny minny to belittle it might just send me over the edge, now as my confidence creeps up (as my weight creeps down) I feel a bit more proud and am "coming out" a bit more. So far, only to positive end but I'm sure the day will come when some git will take a piddle on my fire. I wish you the best of luck m'dear....any questions, fire away. I'm not shy on forums. lol. x

I totally agree with everything you have said jojotgirl. I am going to say its a gyne issue if I have to explain anything and then on a restricted carb diet. I intend to exercise like crazy so once people see me in my Lycra - ok slight exaggeration - tracksuit , jogging and leaping about - hopefully they will assume its all that. People think I am the happy fat girl I really don't want them thinking I was fibbing. Even if I have been. Gyne low carb is the thing to hide behind

 

[pauladerm]

Still to have my band on the 10th of June. And I find it really hard telling anyone even my mum. I have decided to tell my best friend and my husband has been very supportive from the on set. I know people will eventually find out because I love going out with friends as this will be put on hold for a while.

 

[Madcatwoman]

I decided to tell everyone at work (I work in an NHS lab) and my close family.
Everyone else I say I have had abdominal surgery, and leave it at that. If they ask further I tell them. Everyone is different but I reckon if others judge me then that is their problem, I had the op for my health not just to look better. I found without exception that people have been supportive xx
:happy036:

 

[Jozefina]

Hi Beth, I told 3 very close friends, my family and my boss at work. As far as everyone else is concerned, I told them (as they knew how obese I was) that I went to my GP for help and he referred me to a consultant and dietician who put me on a very strict diet and I was to eat less and off a smaller plate. That way I can get away with just having a starter when I go out for dinner with friends.

Thank you - I'm definitely going to use that form of wording.

 

[allrico]

Hi well I joined the gym back in the spring so being going about 5months Now. I will say Ive not lost 0 lbs if anything ive gained again I did think the same thing "how do I explain my weightloss" Well ive been lucky that Ive fallen out with the nosy neighbours total in your face type. so I just going to say how well Its been going at the gym, I know it wrong but I do feel ashamed and embarrassed to explain myself. Its been almost 10yrs Ive remained the same weight since adopting my son and giving up work to care for him. The weight just pilled on I almost exploded within months, to the point that I dont even get out of the car at the school gates

I told my parents and immediate family but if anyones asks Im gonna deny it totally.