A long weigh to go ~ Kat's "band aid" diary

[top_kat]

I am hoping that posting here will help me. Whether it will or not, that is yet to be seen LOL

Been considering surgery for so long, been looking into it for 7 years but a fear of anaesthetic really has been a barrier for me. Finally made the call in July, had my consultation on July 10th and booked the surgery for 23rd August, due to work commitments I couldn't get in before.

So, I have just gotten underway with pre-op diet, currently following lofat/local/locarb as that was what was suggested or following the weight to go meal system. However, have already picked up some great tips here so am hoping that I will not need to go down that route.

I am trying to get everything into place before my surgery. This intense fear that I wont wake up afterwards is something that consumes thoughts and as a single mum to my 11 year old think those fears are normal.

But, I am here. And I have started. And I am hoping that this will go well . . .

Time will tell.

 

[Wobbletogo]

Welcome, I can't totally relate to your fear about anaesthetic, I was like that until i had to have an op in 2008, now I'm addicted to it, having been a really bad sleeper all my life, the psychological relief I felt after finding out it had all gone on and I never noticed a thing made me feel like I had slept for hours and i was very refreshed after.....weird thing the mind does lol

I work in an anaesthetic dept and we've never had anyone not wake up from it. As long as your doctors are aware of any and all health problems you will be fine. You can ask to speak with your Anaesthetist beforehand if you feel that would help.

Just keep reminding yourself that doing this is going to be a huge benefit to your health, enable you to have more energy and do more with your son and make sure you live long enough to see him grow up into a wonderful man. Best of luck with it, we are all here to support you

 

[top_kat]

Thank you ~ I don't fear waking up during the op, its afterwards and having a fear that I wont wake up at all that is the barrier for me and this has been one of the reasons I have chosen where I have for my surgery and the surgeon I am having, both with a zero % mortality rate in relation to anaesthetic. Meant I've had to pay more to find that % rate, but without it, I know that i wouldn't have proceeded even if it was a very small %.

Sounds daft, I know.

 

[Wobbletogo]

Not daft at all, you have to do what makes you feel safe, WLS is not an easy option to take full stop, so whatever you have to do to help you be successful sounds totally sane to me

 

[fab40]

Not daft at all< My op is booked for the 1 Sept and when i think of it I can cry lots just thinking about it and my son of 5 who is my world..

Good luck and this is a great site for info

Jane xx

 

[bexh]

Hi Kat

I totally get your fears with the anaesthetic, I too have this fear, that I will close my eyes when being put under and that'll be it and I'll never wake up again! It could be my last conscious moment of the world. But I have had 2 c-sections and always woke up from them

When I rationalise the fear I tell myself that it is not really the anaesthetic that is the problem, I understand that death caused by a reaction to being put under is very rare. The fear is something bad happening during the op really, but of course being under we are unaware of this. So the fear should really be in the op itself and if you are feeling ok with that in itself then try to rationalise the anaesthetic fear away. You'll be in very good hands and survival rates are much better these days.

It's natural though to be fearful of what we are about to put ourselves through and I'll bet you I'll still have that anaesthetic fear on the day though.

 

[Big an Bouncy]

You are more likely to die from a weight related disease than surgery!

 

[dave4391]

Welcome, I can't totally relate to your fear i go for my sleeve on the 15th and i'm fearful but we will be much better for it.Good luck

 

[bexh]

Welcome, I can't totally relate to your fear i go for my sleeve on the 15th and i'm fearful but we will be much better for it.Good luck

Good luck with the op Dave, I'm in on that day too, not long now ...

 

[top_kat]

You are more likely to die from a weight related disease than surgery!

I know, you're right. But it has taken me many years to get to this point. A recent holiday with my son made a lot of things hit home and I realised that if I carry on, I will be dead soon anyway.

When I saw my GP about something else and they were talking about illnesses on my dads side, he is obese, type II diabetes, angina, has had 4 heart attacks, quadruple heart bypass, bowel cancer, and is in kidney failure with only 15% level of working, he said "that will be you".

It takes things like this to hit home, but even then sometimes the fear is hard to get passed. I fear that if anything went wrong, that my son will be on his own, without any real close family, it is a very big fear.

Its just taken me a long time to get to this point.

Glad Im not alone and good luck to everyone who has surgery coming up too!

 

[ceejay]

Hi top kat
Since everyone has already offered you reassurance that the anaesthetic, and op, will be fine for you, I thought I'd mention something different...
Please don't let this scare you, because you WILL NOT need it, but have you thought about leaving your son some kind of a letter/video message? That way, when you go for your surgery and are in the hands of the anaesthetist, you'll have a little bit of comfort to know that you've put your feelings for your son down, so he will always know. Then after the surgery, when you're having a little quality time together, you can show him how afraid you were, and just how much he means to you. Your fear is the same as any, and the most difficult thing is to confront it head on, but unfortunately you have to do this to move on with your life. You are doing a great thing for your son and for yourself, and should be immensely proud of yourself - I'm sure your son will be!

 

[Blackcraig]

Hi

I can totally relate to your fear. In my case I've already had my gall bladder removed about 10 yrs ago, & I came round to a nurse telling me they were getting worried as I didn't seem to want to come round but they made sure I did. I spent a complete mth in the run up to my op worrying about it happening again, I'm still here & had no problems this time! It is natural to worry but in the end you need to remember they are the experts and they do this every day. It is scary but you're doing this for your health & your family & your future is going to be wonderful!

 

[top_kat]

Hi ceejay, yes I am in the process of doing all of this, I have to get an appointment to have my will finalised and then will have letters placed with it should anything happen. I've even had some special photo albums made of family photos. . . something that my Mum did for us when she found out about her terminal cancer. I know how much these things meant to me, and if something should happen, I know that he has something too.

 

[top_kat]

So, we start another week. 17 days until surgery day.
So much to do and sort out in that time, and I can't think of anything else. I am at work, and cannot concentrate . . .

I've been doing the low cal/low fat diet, but still finding that when I eat, the portion sizes really are probably too big, and as such, I am going to give the milk diet option a try from thursday, heading into my 2 weeks before surgery date.

I love milk, LOVE it, and have missed being able to drink it, so am wondering whether this may be good for me. I don't do "shakes" and having had a really bad experience on lighterlife some years ago, which yes, I lost 5 stones in 3 months which was wonderful, but I was at a point of struggling to drink one shake a day and even then being sick.

So, although my patient care co-ord suggested doing the Weight to go, I can't stand the thought of the shakes. This may work for me . . .we shall see.

My paperwork finally arrived over the weekend, lots to read and to sort out. And heading over to my stepdad this evening to tell him what is happening. It is times like this that I so miss mum not being around, I know that she would have been here as a wonderful support and wow. Times likes this the void her passing has left is felt with a vengeance

Still, I know the decision to do this finally is the right one, it has to be. I am determined that it will work for me and I will work with it. After all, its costing me an awful lot of money so there's no way I can let it not work.

Got my shopping list done

NAS crusha,
Stock cubes
yoghurts
milk
NAS jelly.

Easy shop for once . . .will be difficult preparing foods for my DS tho and not being able to have any.

Keep the long term goal in sight!

 

[top_kat]

oh and another thing that I have realised, here, on this site, is the ONLY place I have ever admitted my weight, I just realised I filled in the details which show in my postbit, and my ticker . . .it really is the first time that I feel able to be open and not to have someone pointing the finger of judgement.

Can't even begin to say how that feels!

 

[bexh]

I've been thinking a lot of my mum too at this time, she died 2 years ago now. It's a hard time isn't it xx

 

[bexh]

I'm not allowed yogurts on mine just milk and the other stuff you mention. I bought a milk frother from Lakeland last week, really good way of bulking the milk up and giving the feeling of a bit of creamy indulgence ;-) it fills me up more because of the air in it too.

 

[bexh]

Same here re: weight admitting! Never been open about it before! So yes it's nice to have this place

 

[top_kat]

I've been thinking a lot of my mum too at this time, she died 2 years ago now. It's a hard time isn't it xx

So sorry to hear of your loss too, it is really hard. Mind you, I feel the void every single day, but there are times, such as this, when it hits home even more. Especially when I have such little family and friends who are local to me.

It can be quite a lonely journey!

 

[ceejay]

I know how you feel about the lonliness. I lost both my parents within 10weeks of each other, my only Grandparent a year later, my uncle a month later and aunt 6 months after that. It is because I have been through so much grief and heartbreak that I can cope with this. My losses have definately made me a stronger person.
I also chose to tell nobody about my surgery (except hubby, of course) yet have no concerns at all about being open about what I weighed/weigh now on here.
That's because it's a place full of people in the same boat. We all have the same goal in mind, and with each others help, along with a little assistance from a surgeon, we'll make it!