February 2015 Surgeries

[siana58]

Llora's message just shows why some people refrain from making a comment and I understand that..... though I would find it strange if friends did not comment.

Last time when I lost weight through Lighter Life, one "friend" said absolutely nothing. When the subject came up, she said "see, I never notice or pay attention to if a friend is over weight , I take them as they are..." frankly ,I thought it was because she was so self absorbed, paying attention to me was not on agenda. I clearly looked better... I complemented on her hair, lipstick.. why is this different?

Frankly, I would find it strange if someone didn't notice when i had become a bit of a Geiger, it's like saying you wouldn't notice if i shaved all my hair off or put a big ring through my nose

 

[weegie]

One thing I have noticed is how little people say when you want them to. I have some really "good" friends who have not said a word about how I look since February, and I wonder why. Even if someone else mentions it in their company it's a subject that just doesn't get commented on. In fact they avoid saying anything at all. One is a bigger lady, and even when I offered her two bin liners full of clothes (we have swapped clothes around many times) she was grateful but no comment on the weight loss. Strangely, I phoned her the other day to say that I had some great pieces that would do her for work and got a very curt response. Also my mum visited for the first time since March.....not a bloody word, in fact I ended up asking her what she thought....and there was a fairly vague nod of approval. However the ladies in my work restaurant congratulate me every week, there is a lady in my local supermarket who does the same, as do various random folk. I wonder whether people are uncomfortable with such a change, even if it's obviously beneficial for me? So the emotional side of this process is confusing for me, and my nearest and dearest appear to have a bit of a problem too. My other half and kids are great, in the beginning they said I was being over sensitive, but now they agree that there has been a shift in the dynamic of certain relationships, and I'm wondering whether that shift is unfortunately permanent.

This sounds so familiar. When I lost weight after my band I had the same reaction from "good " friends. Not a word was said until I had lost 5 stone and then it came from between gritted teeth. I learned that these so called friendships were predicated on me remaining overweight, as all 3 of these friends were. So, yes in my case this cooling if the friendship was permanent. Nothing ever said to cement that, just a withdrawing of being included in their plans. Never been one to play games with any relationship, I find it sad but am over it. When I bumped into one if them a couple of years back, pre my reflux and re-gain, the first thing she said was "I see you kept off ALL that weight you lost" emphasis on all and she looked disappointed. There was some attempt at pretending to invite me to some future events but I knew I would not hear another word.

I am not sure how to unravel all this, but I was the largest out of the 4 of us at 21st at one point, maybe that was seen as my main role.. Make them feel better about themselves? Who knows, their loss.

You find out who your real friends are in this process Siana. Hugx

 

[Tules]

All very strange.
I am sorry you lost some friendships and that that it upset you Weegie.

I agree with your post Siana. You know I even complement other woman I don't know , I might say how nice their dress or , shoes or, jewellery, hair are. I might be on a train, at supermarket or waiting for a train..if a situation arises, I would complement something that's looks good on on them . it is nice to give and receive.

 

[~Alison~]

All very strange. I am sorry you lost some friendships and that that it upset you Weegie. I agree with your post Siana. You know I even complement other woman I don't know , I might say how nice their dress or , shoes or, jewellery, hair are. I might be on a train, at supermarket or waiting for a train..if a situation arises, I would complement something that's looks good on on them . it is nice to give and receive.

I am exactly the same as this Tules, I like to complement people.

 

[~Alison~]

Can't believe how many steps I did yesterday. At centre parcs pushing wheelchairs with the older members of the family.

 

[niccie]

Wow that's great, I love my Fitbit, I didn't realise quite how inactive I was!

 

[Cherub08]

This sounds so familiar. When I lost weight after my band I had the same reaction from "good " friends. Not a word was said until I had lost 5 stone and then it came from between gritted teeth. I learned that these so called friendships were predicated on me remaining overweight, as all 3 of these friends were. So, yes in my case this cooling if the friendship was permanent. Nothing ever said to cement that, just a withdrawing of being included in their plans. Never been one to play games with any relationship, I find it sad but am over it. When I bumped into one if them a couple of years back, pre my reflux and re-gain, the first thing she said was "I see you kept off ALL that weight you lost" emphasis on all and she looked disappointed. There was some attempt at pretending to invite me to some future events but I knew I would not hear another word.

I am not sure how to unravel all this, but I was the largest out of the 4 of us at 21st at one point, maybe that was seen as my main role.. Make them feel better about themselves? Who knows, their loss.

You find out who your real friends are in this process Siana. Hugx

I almost want to say sorry for your loss, but then what have you lost? Sounds like you never really had them as friends in the first place. Sometimes some friends are formed for the benefit of others.
And now you have new friends who are here supporting you whatever!

Ruth xx

 

[Cherub08]

I think it's sad Siana that people either don't comment or congratulate you at all. Not only for your weight loss to date but also for your improved health!
I wonder if sometimes people feel jealous of your weight loss. Some relationships seem to be self serving to others. Sounds like they're not the friendships you thought they were.
Perhaps some new friends are in order!
Meanwhile, enjoy celebrating your weight loss and health benefits with those who notice and give nice feedback. Celebrate who you are, don't let others get you down xx

 

[siana58]

Went fir check up today, tiny bit of weight lost, but the good bit is none put on! Discussed about hunger , gaps between meals, portion sizes etc. Guess what, first ever fill at 7 months post op and it was ....(drum roll) ......0.1ml! Checked by swallowing water and seeing at what rate it went down....definitely adds to restriction. So now on fluids for a couple of days, and on to soft food after. Not sure how I feel about it really.....Just needed to write it down

 

[weegie]

I almost want to say sorry for your loss, but then what have you lost? Sounds like you never really had them as friends in the first place. Sometimes some friends are formed for the benefit of others. And now you have new friends who are here supporting you whatever! Ruth xx

Thanks Ruth . Life is too short to let people drag one down with their negative feelings. I moved on a long time ago.

You are spot on about the support here

Hugx

 

[siana58]

On liquids after fill, just had a delicious concoction that I will carry on having, Arla high protein yoghurt blended with skimmed milk so it's more liquid, scoop of syntrax whey isolate (pink grapefruit), a few berries and milled linseed. Bloody gorgeous!

 

[Cherub08]

Today I have been to access my notes and have read them fully!
I am so very angry. My surgeon is nothing but a lying untrustworthy *******! He sat in front of me and my partner during a very recent meeting and blatantly lied again to our faces, then wrote a letter of apology for any misinformation he gave and for any hurt he may have caused! This is completely meaningless now!!
The notes tell a very different story and the truth!
I don't know what to do or where to turn now.

 

[siana58]

Oh dear, a lawyer I think... gather all your info together, generally first 30 mins is free. Don't go with anyone who advertises no win no fee....

 

[siana58]

Do you have hard copies of the notes? If not, get them via application to Data Protection Officer, it may cost a tenner or so....

 

[Cherub08]

I took an annual leave day Siana and spent the day there reading them. They are copying the pages I requested tomorrow for me to pick up and pay for.
Why do you say not to use no win no fee solicitors?

 

[siana58]

In my experience you're better off going with a legal people who have a good reputation and are specialists in their field. They may operate on a no win no fee basis after assessing your case, the ones that advertise this up front attract lots of cases and may mean that yours will not get the attention it deserves and tend yo be remote case management

 

[Cherub08]

Thanks Siana, I understand what you mean.

 

[Ice cold]

Definitely look for a specialist solicitor, there are legal websites like chambers legal 500 who allow you to search for solicitors by specialism and they are reviewed by their peers, much better standard than the ones who advertise on TV ...

 

[~Alison~]

Hi Ruth

You must be very angry. Definitely go ahead and make a claim. Why not just be open and tell the truth from the outset. Duty of Candour comes to mind. Xxx

 

[Cherub08]

Thanks Everyone for your support. I have tried to have several supposed open and honest discussions with him, I'm wasting my breath. His attitude has shown that he can't do it and can't learn from it so I am taking it further.