Hey everyone
So im having my band on June 10th in Belgium with Dr Chris. My main reason for chosing Belgium is financial. Its just so much cheaper. Ive been battling this weight for 15 years now and this has got to be the end. Im a huge emotional binge eater and its out of all control. I very publicly announced my intentions to lose weight once and for all this year thinking that by telling people id finally admoit my problem and put my self under a bit of pressure to do something about it. Huge mistake. I dropped two stone by the end of february only to break out on a massive stint of binging and now im back up 22.5 lbs already. Its soul destroying. Im so ashamed now that i practically wont even leave the house or see my friends, i certainly wouldnt dream of attempting to dress up for a night out.
Everyday is becoming a nightmare. Nothing fits me, id only just got back into some jeans and bought some new clothes and now they dont fit me anymore. I spend ages in the mornings just trying to find something half decent to wear so that i cna leave the house. it has been known that ive got back into bed or stayed at home in my pyjamus all day because nothing will fit. Im so bloody sick of it.
Anyway, i have a partner and children and we are far from well off. So i feel terrible about selfishly getting us into financial pressures just because i cant control my eating but really i dont feel like i have a choice. Its taking over my life.
Today ive started my pre op diet. Im going with lipotrim, i ordered it online which is great so i dont have to face the shameful weigh in at the chemist, so hopefully it will be here tomorrow. For today ive had the Biggest Loser shake...they are vile! Lipotrim is positively delicious by comparison!! Ive done it for a few weeks before, i usually crack after 10 days and eat so im praying that i have the strength to dig deep and stick with it. I want my life back.
Im desperately fearful that I'll fail this time around too. Im trying to avoid stories of people cheating the band and failing etc. Im probably more of a canditate for bypass because of my binging. I couldnt afford it. But part of me wonders if i should just stretch to it if it means an end to this eating madness. But i think my BMI is not big enough. Im 5ft 7 and 15 and a half stone. Plus i suppose Im drawn to bypass because of the quick results, the weight seemingly falls off, whereas banding seems to be all about healthy eating, will power and motivation...all the areas ive failed in my whole life. I would be put off bypass because its permanent. Some part of me would hope that after a few years with the band and some therapy that maybe I could eventually control myself without needing it. (btw im not saying bypass is easy, im sure its not, but there is a perception that the weight loss part is effortless).
Anyway, as it stands i guess i'll be going with the band. I know i should be delighted and i am, im just terrified of failing again. I cant wait to get my life back and feel attractive and fit into clothes and not be dominated by food and gorging to the point of illness. I am going to get myself into a counselling programme too, because im clearly using food as an outlet for something and sugery alone is not going to cure that.
Id love to think that i could lose 4 stone by Christmas. Hell id love to think that i could lose 5 or 6!! But if I could make 4 stone by this christmas then that would be amazing. I am sporty...or at least i was for most of my life, so hopefully as the weight drops, my stamina and desire to exercise will return. Ive also been approved for breast reduction surgery which im mad keen to get! Im a 38hh and then some. I suffer terribly with my back and self esteem because of them. I couldnt have the surgery before because i became pregnant and since then ive never got my weight back into a healthy BMI category. So surely thats a great incentive for me!
Anyway, thats me all waffled out for now. Fingers crossed on this pre op diet
Jay x
So im having my band on June 10th in Belgium with Dr Chris. My main reason for chosing Belgium is financial. Its just so much cheaper. Ive been battling this weight for 15 years now and this has got to be the end. Im a huge emotional binge eater and its out of all control. I very publicly announced my intentions to lose weight once and for all this year thinking that by telling people id finally admoit my problem and put my self under a bit of pressure to do something about it. Huge mistake. I dropped two stone by the end of february only to break out on a massive stint of binging and now im back up 22.5 lbs already. Its soul destroying. Im so ashamed now that i practically wont even leave the house or see my friends, i certainly wouldnt dream of attempting to dress up for a night out.
Everyday is becoming a nightmare. Nothing fits me, id only just got back into some jeans and bought some new clothes and now they dont fit me anymore. I spend ages in the mornings just trying to find something half decent to wear so that i cna leave the house. it has been known that ive got back into bed or stayed at home in my pyjamus all day because nothing will fit. Im so bloody sick of it.
Anyway, i have a partner and children and we are far from well off. So i feel terrible about selfishly getting us into financial pressures just because i cant control my eating but really i dont feel like i have a choice. Its taking over my life.
Today ive started my pre op diet. Im going with lipotrim, i ordered it online which is great so i dont have to face the shameful weigh in at the chemist, so hopefully it will be here tomorrow. For today ive had the Biggest Loser shake...they are vile! Lipotrim is positively delicious by comparison!! Ive done it for a few weeks before, i usually crack after 10 days and eat so im praying that i have the strength to dig deep and stick with it. I want my life back.
Im desperately fearful that I'll fail this time around too. Im trying to avoid stories of people cheating the band and failing etc. Im probably more of a canditate for bypass because of my binging. I couldnt afford it. But part of me wonders if i should just stretch to it if it means an end to this eating madness. But i think my BMI is not big enough. Im 5ft 7 and 15 and a half stone. Plus i suppose Im drawn to bypass because of the quick results, the weight seemingly falls off, whereas banding seems to be all about healthy eating, will power and motivation...all the areas ive failed in my whole life. I would be put off bypass because its permanent. Some part of me would hope that after a few years with the band and some therapy that maybe I could eventually control myself without needing it. (btw im not saying bypass is easy, im sure its not, but there is a perception that the weight loss part is effortless).
Anyway, as it stands i guess i'll be going with the band. I know i should be delighted and i am, im just terrified of failing again. I cant wait to get my life back and feel attractive and fit into clothes and not be dominated by food and gorging to the point of illness. I am going to get myself into a counselling programme too, because im clearly using food as an outlet for something and sugery alone is not going to cure that.
Id love to think that i could lose 4 stone by Christmas. Hell id love to think that i could lose 5 or 6!! But if I could make 4 stone by this christmas then that would be amazing. I am sporty...or at least i was for most of my life, so hopefully as the weight drops, my stamina and desire to exercise will return. Ive also been approved for breast reduction surgery which im mad keen to get! Im a 38hh and then some. I suffer terribly with my back and self esteem because of them. I couldnt have the surgery before because i became pregnant and since then ive never got my weight back into a healthy BMI category. So surely thats a great incentive for me!
Anyway, thats me all waffled out for now. Fingers crossed on this pre op diet
Jay x