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Me and my battle with the bulge (Gastric Band)

Tamgredan

wanna be happy!
This is my 'warts and all' diary about my battle with weight loss and how i came to decide on opting for a gastric band.

Im 31 years old, 5ft 7inches and currently weigh 19 stone 12 pounds.

I am married with a 3 year old son

I have a very busy and stressful job but im not going to let this stop me getting to my dream of being 'healthy'

I have always been fat, but never been bullied or suffered confidence issues. Im bubbly and someone who everyone gets along with. However, i have always dreamed of being slim and being able to be one of those people you see jogging along the road side or doing 'fun runs'

There are a million reasons i would love to be slim and i could write a book about each of them, but i cannot find a single reason or benefit to being fat, so why am i? this a question i ask myself daily.

I have tried every diet going from, atkins to ww to slimming world, cambridge diet, calorie controlled, slimming tablets and slim fast. Each time ive lost weight but soon enough ive fallen off the wagon and put it all and more back on.

I have now lost all motivation to loose weight via a diet and if i dont do something now about my weight, it will spiral out of control.
Ive started to notice i get a real stiff back in the morning where i even struggle to sit on the toilet. I am struggling to put my socks on as my belly gets in the way and when i lie flat on my back at night in bed, im struggling to breath.
I know my blood pressure is high but dare not go to the GP for fear of getting it confirmed.

I feel now that my only option is weight loss surgery. I have considered this many times over the past 2 years but always deemed it as too drastic. But not this time, this time it feels right.

I have been researching wls since october 2010 and have seriously weighed up all options available to me. Ive read hundreds of blogs, diaries, books and videos on youtube.

I have decided to have a gastric band as its flexible, restricts portions sizes and is obviously cheaper than a bypass or sleeve.
My PCT does not allow wls in my area so the option of having it done on the NHS is ziltch.

I once met a wise man who told me that you are most powerful 2 weeks before, and 2 after you birthday and if you have any major decisions to make in life, this is when it should be.
5 years ago i met my husband just after my birthday and i ended up marrying him, i left a relationship of 7 years after meeting my husband after 1 date (naughty girl i know). We are very happy and it definately was the best decision ive ever made so far in my life.
So its my 32nd birthday next Thursday, and im due my band on 5th april 2011 at the claremonth hospital in sheffield. Im travelling there as its a bit cheaper than manchester.

The provider i have chosen (weight loss surgery group) have got brilliant reviews and their after care seems to be one of the best. Aftercare is very important to me.

Once i decided who i wanted to go through and what procedure i wanted i made an appointment for a consultation.

I went to the consultation, got myself weighed and chatted about why i wanted wls. I got to see the band and examples of what portions i would be consuming.

I left the consultation and it took me 3 weeks to ring them up and pay my £1000 deposit.
Before i paid i had days where i didnt want the surgery, i felt too scared and that it wont work for me, but through encouragement on this forum, i soon picked up the phone and paid.

Im now on a pre-op diet for 2 weeks before my surgery. This consist of low calorie, high protein, low fat foods.

So far so good, and a typical intake is:-
slim fast or 1 weetabix for breakfast
tuna salad for lunch
cup-a-soup mid afternoon
chicken and veg /salad for dinner
lots of fluids.

Next week ill probably drop more food to ensure my liver is small enough for the operation.

So far, i am looking forward to the operation. I need to buy some comfy jogging bottoms, big t-shirts, pyjamas and some liquid pain killers. No doubt ill start panicking a few days before hand and ask loads of questions on the forum.

I need to write this diary so my thoughts are on paper (so to speak) and when i hit low moments as im sure i will do, i can read it and encourage myself to plough on.

On my next entry, im hoping to write down my goals and 'promises to myself' to keep me going.

Afterall, all the diets ive done, i should be an expert on what works and does not work for me by now.

All i feel at the moment, it that i really hope and pray each night that this wls is right for me and that i will work very hard to make it work for me and my family. I really do not want to be fat forever. Enough is enough now.

Tam
xx
 

JoxJo

New Member
Hi Tam
Im two weeks post band op and wouldn't change a thing! You sound like your ready, there are loads of great people on this forum who will be with you each step if the way! xx
 

piratess

New Member
Welcome Tam :) I'm really looking forward to following your journey :)

When I finally have my band it will be with wls group to :) xxxxx
 

DaisyMaesy

New Member
Well done Tam for your decision. Your story sounds so similar to mine and you are lucky to reach this point so young in life. I am now 51 so managed to get this far, it is for health reasons my doctor suggested wls. I have never been bothered about being overwieght and have not suffered over the years. It has not stopped me doing anything I want to do, nor being happy. This was not available to me 20 years ago when I was your age and if it had been who knows life could have been so different. I know exactly what you say about motivation. I am now struggling to maintain before the op, losing weight is not going to happen and I do not want to spoil my chances for the pre op liver diet. That said I would not change a thing and I send you lots of love, hugs and support in your chosen wls
 

Tamgredan

wanna be happy!
Ive got spare time as hubby & son are sleeping (they got up at 3am for some reason) so i thought i would make a start on my goals and affirmations.
I am going to write these affirmations on a small post-it note and keep on my dashboard in the car so i can read them everyday before and after work. Im also going to put them in my bathroom so i read them first thing every day.
According to a course i went on recently at work, if you make goals, write them down and read them every day you are more likely to suceed.

Short term Goals.
1) Have a sucessful pre-op diet and learn to slow down, not drink 30 minutes before and after meals and try chew, chew, chewing.
2) Have a sucessful operation
3) Listen to advice from sucessful banders and take the good advice on offer
4) Take up knitting to do during the evenings or when i finish night shift to prevent eating
5) Drink more water, even if it is 2 x 500ml bottles per day
6) Plan and prepare for after the operation
7) Do 10 minutes of exercise per day, even if it is housework or stepping to the beat on the nintendo wii.
8) Remember that this is my decision to improve my quality of life every day. Its my choice and failing is not an option
9) Only weigh yourself once per week on a sunday morning. Do not live by the scales.
10) If you are ever unsure or have a question no matter how daft it is.....ASK!

Mid-term goals
1) Back pain to reduce first thing in the morning
2) Skin to look healthier
3) Exercise for 30 minutes every day
4) Plan and record every meal to help achieve sucess
5) Complete the post-op diet and start on solids sucessfully
6) Get into those size 18 designer jeans you have hidden in the wardrobe
7) Start the C25K programme
8) Keep coming onto the forum and attending support groups
9) Learn to work with my band and learn to love it
10) When you start to look good and feel good, remember there is still a long way to go. Just because you can shop in 'normal' shops does not mean you have achieved you goal. Your goal is to be slim and healthy

Long term Goals
1) Get to 12 stone and assess how you feel and if you wish to loose more
2) Complete a 5 k fun run and be well on your way to a 10k+ run...even a marathon!
3) Wake up each morning and embrassing the day full of life..be truley happy with everything in life.
4) Plan an action packed holiday with such activities like paragliding, surfing, canoeing, rock-climbing, roller coasters and actually look forward to it
5) Just throw on any clothes that i want to and look good. No planning ahead
6) Boob job and maybe tummy tuck
7) Give up smoking
8) Get that big promotion
9) Get that new house and have the energy to maintain it
10) Be sucessful at weight loss and maintaining it

Affirmations
1) This is the best decision you have made in your life
2) Today is going to be a great day for making good food choices
3) Today there will be an opportunity to exercise
4) I am going to have a long, healthy, happy life with my fabulous family.
5) Look after your pennies and the pounds will look after themselves.
6) Imagine your final goal, what does it look like, how do you feel and how proud you will feel for getting there

Affirmation #6 is about my dream scenario, which is how i will measure my sucess, to me this is what sucess look like. Im in my big posh fancy new house with all lovely things around me, 2 good cars on the drive and ive just got back from a 2 week expensive holiday. Im in my kitchen looking all Tanned, slim, sexy and healthy when my hubby and son walk in for doing 'boys stuff' and ask 'where is their dinner'. My hubby gives me a kiss and pinches my bum along with a wink. We have no money worries, we are all healthy, we live a good life and we are the family that others want to be like.

Today pre-op is going well...i think
2 x weetabix and 2 cups of tea for breakfast
1 bottle of water
homemade vegetable soup in a cup for lunch
1 bottle of water
and ive made sf jelly with veg soup for tea.
Loads of housework, maybe a walk later when they get up.

Tam
xx
 

DaisyMaesy

New Member
Interesting! Personally I see goals as a way to set myself up for a fall as I will always fail. Yet at work I have a daily 'to do' list which in essence is much the same thing. I can do that so why can I not achieve goals I set for weight management no matter how small?
I like the idea of the dashboard. It is there to note ALL THE TIME! Maybe I will try something similar though it may be difficult to stick it to the front of a train!.
Tam to your number 10 mid term I would add 'and to maintain it'
Do I always fail with weight management because I don't really care?
A moot point! I will follow your journey with interest Tam to see what I can learn from you
 

Tamgredan

wanna be happy!
9 days to go until i have my band. I feel very relaxed about this so far, i think my husband is worried more. Im going to book him and my son into the local hotel on the day of my op to save them the 4 hour journey to and from sheffield, plus they will be close to hand should i need them.
Im working nights sunday - wednesday so should get some free time when i finsh to start getting my hospital bag sorted. Reading from several threads, im going to travel very light.

Last night i bought some strawberries from the supermarket and placed them in the fridge. When i came to eat one, they were soooo cold that i had to quickly swallow it as my sensative teeth couldnt cope with the cold. It was at this point that i thought "oh my god, what would have happened if that happened with the band?" surley it would have got stuck. Ive really got some learning to do.
Made some lovely vegetable soup yesterday so that will last me through a couple of night shifts.


Pre-op today

sardine on 1 toast & cuppa tea for breakfast
soup for dinner
slimfast for tea
soup at midnight if needed
wii fit for some exercise.
2 x 500ml water

Think ive some carb withdrawl today too but ive lost 5.75 lbs this week which im chuffed to bits over.
I would love to be under 19 stone ready for my op, so need to cut back a bit more and exercise more.

Tam
xx
 

Neen

WLS Moderator
Amazing loss Tam x Well done!
 

Tamgredan

wanna be happy!
8 days left to go and im still feeling cool about it.

Last night in work i told loads of people about my band. People were asking me what i had planned for my 2 weeks off so i thought i might as well tell them. Everyone seemed fine about it and i had no negativity.

I have decided to tell people upfront about my surgery as i dont like to put myself in awkward postions.
Let me explain.
When i start to loose weight and all the comments start to come in about how well im doing and how good i look, there will always be the comment of "what are you doing?", its this comment that bothers me the most as i will either have to lie and say that im just on a strict diet or i say that ive had the band and get a raised eyebrow.
Whats even more worse for me, is loosing the weight and people talking about me behind my back 'assuming' im ill as ive dropped so much weight and then ill get the sympathy votes and caring comments.
By being up front about it and coming across with confidence that ive decided to do this and im paying private it will stop all the whispers.
Hopefully now, people can talk to me openly about it.

Afterall i got myself fat, so im going to sort it out!

The only people who dont know about my surgery are my family (as in my mum, dad & sisters) and the reason ive not told them is that a few weeks ago when i did tell them i was considering it, they went crazy. The gave me all the old comments of that 'you are big boned' ' you have always been a big girl' ' whats the matter with you, why are you not happy' ' be grateful for what you have got'
and i really cannot be doing with these comments off them, so thank god im on nights and i dont see them too often. Also, my mum has colitis and any sort of stress and worry causes her to have a 'flare-up' and if its a bad episode she ends up in hospital. Her worrying over me (her golden child) will put her in hospital so im doing it for her health too.
Once ive had the op i will tell them outright...afterall what can they do about it then???

So ive finally paid my balance today and just waiting to hear back off them that its all gone through ok...imagine, it getting declined after ive told everyone.....what a fool ill feel.

Im also managing to get some exercise into my working shift. Twice per shift i take a walk around the outside of our building, its a good 20 minute walk so im happy with that. I just tell people that im checking the grounds and that all is ok (this is part of my job too)

Today im also going to start wearing my pedometer to track my steps and if ive not done 6k by the end of the night, ill have to pace around my living room until i hit it.
I am aiming for the 10k steps per day over time.

I put on my wii yesterday and tried to do a 'biggest looser' challenge, but it killed me - i was sweating just like a fat bird in a cake shop. Ill stick to walking until my ability improves for now, small steps tam, take small steps!

Cheers for all you comments, they mean the world to me - just knowing that im not on my own on this journey.

Tam
xx
 

Katkit1

Not going anywhere!
Not too long now Tam - I like your honest approach to your work colleagues. Not everyone is as understanding as that. But I think it says something about you; they obviously like and respect you - so would`nt say anything negative!

I expect you are all organised and ready to go in for surgery, best wishes to you and I hope it all goes well x








Love Kat x
 

Tamgredan

wanna be happy!
4 DAYS TO GO!

Ive really not been an angel on my pre-op so today im going follow a very strict low carb diet to get me into ketosis. Ive done this many times before and know it takes me about 2/3 days to hit ketosis.
Ive finished work for 2 whole weeks and starting to get a little nervous, but still very calm considering im off for surgery soon.
Today, im going into town to buy my new pyjamas, multi-vitamins, fresh breath spray and windeeze tablets.
Ive got plenty of slimfast shakes in as they were on offer and soups ready for when i get home.
My MRSA swabs came back clear so all is well at present.

Ive also been watching some videos on youtube, there are 2 women i have been following who have had great sucess with the band. They talk about several issues and how they got through it. Their user names are skymoon1982 and bandedwendy - really worth a watch, seeing them go from fatties to skinny minnies.

Plans for this weekend, include taking some photographs of myself and a few video clips so i can look back on them in times of need of motivation. I know im going to feel a right prat talking to myself on a video, but im going to do it.

Learned something this week. When i get home at 3am ish from work, i like to eat. If i want a sandwich i MUST have crisps with it (like a cup of tea with biscuits) and no matter what i try, my mind keeps badgering me until i have the crisps. SO ive learned not to have a sandwich or to serve it differently (1 piece of bread with filling on top - no lid)
I remember going through this with soup, as i must have bread with a bowl of soup. When i now want soup, i serve it in a big mug and its just not right dipping bread into a mug!
My routine when i get home from work is to catch-up on my soaps (2 hours worth) and eat...and eat.....and eat until im really full or too tired to eat anymore.
I need to learn to go straight to bed and get up early the next day to prevent this situation. This is a much better situation for me as i will end up spending more time with my family.

Ill probably do another update on monday night, but that will be it until after the op. Ill make sure i post when i get home to let you all know im ok.

Tam
xx
 

Tamgredan

wanna be happy!
So tonight is my last night before i become a bandit.

Im still feeling very calm and quite excited about it.

My hospital bag is all packed and all my new 'stuff' got delivered this morning by Tesco. All my smoothies, juices, soups, vitamins, melt-in-your-mouth pain killers, gripe water, fresh breath spay and loads of other stuff.

Im still not sure what time my operation is. My provider told me 2pm a week ago, but the letter from the hospital says my admission is 2pm, im a little confused because is 'admission' the time time i need to check-in or is it the time for the op and need to get there sooner.
It doesnt really matter as hubby wants to start off at 9am and its only 2 hours away, but he doesnt want me to get all worried when we get lost (which we usually do, even with sat nav)

Both my sisters know its tomorrow and ive told them not tell my mother until wednesday when its too late for her to do anything. They told me its my dad i need to be more worried about as apparently he went ape when my mum told him i was considering it months ago.....ah well, nevermind.

Definately could have done better on my pre-op, ive still been below 1000 calories per day and had next to nothing carbs and i know this is i have gone into ketosis.

My mind is definately changed over the past few days, im noticing the fullness feeling at every meal and noticing the hunger pangs and only when i get them do i eat. At present i still keep going when i get full and this is where the band will hopefully really help me.

I will be discharged at 10am on wednesday (if all goes to plan) and then i can start my new life!

Its so exciting really, i know this is one of the best decision of my life.
 
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