NT1977's Journey to a new life - my stall explained!

[NT1977]

Who am I? I am a 35 Mum to two beautiful daughters (3 and 15) and wife to my lovely supportive husband. I work full time in London as an Executive Assistant, love my job and my life, all except for my body/weight.

I am currently taking part in an online therapy for depresssion/anxiety which lasts 10 weeks which is about setting weekly challanges for myself to try and overcome some of my anxieties, I will share some of this on here I am sure. I am also on the waiting list for CBT and for one to one therapy. This journey is as much about sorting out my head as my body, food generally is my best friend but that relationship is very desctructive and I need to learn to control my emotional hunger as well as physical hunger (I cannot remember the last time I was actually truly hungry - is that bad!?)

So I am booked for surgery on the 9th June, gastric band with THG at Dolan Park andn Mr Richardson who I met on Saturday. In the lead up to the operation I am planning to start cutting out diet coke first (2 litres daily) and then for two weeks pre-op follow the milk diet. this will be a struggle for me I know as I will be stressed and worried about the operation and my of dealing with this is normally food......some interesting times coming up.

The things I would like to phycically accomplish by having this done (apart from losing weight of course!):

- Have a healthy BMI not morbidly obese
- cross my legs
- touch my toes i.e. paint my own toe nails
- fit in one train seat
- buy clothes from normal stores and not be ashamed to ask for my size or try new things
- keep up with my children
- snore less and sleep better
- Be able to use a mirror again (I do not use mirrors from neck down!)

Mentally:

- feel worthy of my family
- feel attractive/content when with my husband
- be more confident to try new things/environments
- Be less self critical
- most of all......BE HAPPY!

Current stats are:

Height: 5ft 6inch
Weight: 19 stone 10lbs
Clothes Size: 24 bottom / 20 top (exagerated pear!)

My goals are all of the above, they don't really rest on being an ideal weight or size, just a healthy person inside and out.

this is going to be one hell of an emotional journey but I KNOW I CAN DO IT!

 

[SleeveGirl]

You can do it hun!! Good luck on your journey x

 

[flutterby1966]

"this is going to be one hell of an emotional journey but I KNOW I CAN DO IT!"

Yes you can x

 

[jaynel]

hi - you have just written down a mirror image of how i feel regarding my attitude towards food - it is my best friend, but i actually hate and detest it. I too am having a band fitted at dolan park on 20th may and hope to over come my "food demons". wishing you the very best of luck xx

 

[NT1977]

Thank you all!

Jayne - that's my birthday- hope I bring you luck x

 

[mrs df]

Good luck huni. Look forward to your new start

x

Sent from my iPhone using WLSurgery

 

[Tobi]

Good luck and yes you can do it! X

Sent from my iPhone using WLSurgery

 

[lousarah]

You can do it you are not alone we are all doing it with you xxx

 

[mrsstreet]

You sound like me.... but I'm without the kids.... yet.

I have had my band for 3 weeks and I recovered so quickly and now I sometimes stop and think.... Oh my god, I have a band, everything is slowly starting to change for me.

I had a lot of anxieties prior to the op, they can be crippling, but I couldn't go on being so unhappy, and I actually feel already some have got better.

Best of luck for your op, it's really exciting!!

 

[tubbytutor]

Mrs street

Can you tell me how things have improved. I am so worried about my band next Friday. It is my birthday today and I went for my last blow out meal. Even then I was feeling guilty about the carbs and calories. I am so scared but I can't go on living like this. Then I realise that the band won't 'cure' me . Am I ready to do that for my self? Could do with some positive vibes!

 

[Gems123]

You sound like me.... but I'm without the kids.... yet.

I have had my band for 3 weeks and I recovered so quickly and now I sometimes stop and think.... Oh my god, I have a band, everything is slowly starting to change for me.

I had a lot of anxieties prior to the op, they can be crippling, but I couldn't go on being so unhappy, and I actually feel already some have got better.

Best of luck for your op, it's really exciting!!

Thanks for posting this, I am due to have my band on 21st May and I can't tell you how bad my anxiety is, your post has made me feel better, thanks!

 

[mrsstreet]

Mrs street

Can you tell me how things have improved. I am so worried about my band next Friday. It is my birthday today and I went for my last blow out meal. Even then I was feeling guilty about the carbs and calories. I am so scared but I can't go on living like this. Then I realise that the band won't 'cure' me . Am I ready to do that for my self? Could do with some positive vibes!

Happy Birthday for yesterday!!

The fear is so normal. I could barely sleep, but by the time I got to the hospital I was fine. I knew that they were experts and they only deal with bariatric patients, so they are specialists and I kept repeating it to my self. I know this doesnt help you at all, but honestly the minute you wake up it's the start of the rest of your life. I also started looking at it like it wasn't such a huge deal, I'm sure many people would disagree with me, but for me it worked. I seen it like going to the dentist, not everyone NEEDS dental work, but some do and it's all routine!

I read (stalked posts) by TopKat and Flutterby and I see what is possible when someone takes control. That inspired me to take control of everything I eat and at the moment, that is working well.

I have only just started really, but I am already sleeping better and I feel more rested when I wake up. There is something that makes me feel so excited everyday and that has just halted a lot of my anxieties. I no longer just think I'm automatically going to die or have a big embarrassing panic attack, and I feel proud of myself for standing up and doing something to make my life better.

I know this is very cheesy but honestly, I feel better every single day and I havent craved a takeaway yet!!

Best of luck for you, do everything your providers advises!! How exciting for you!!! xx

 

[tubbytutor]

Hi

I wrote a really long reply to Mrsstreet but then the computer crashed Agggh!
Anyway the Long and the short of it was that my teenage daughters are now obsessing about their weight. They are size 10!!!!

I'm getting really grumpy!!

 

[NT1977]

Day 1 off the Milk Diet

Hi all,

So today is day one of the milk diet for me, 11 days until Operation day and I am getting more and more excited.

not finding things too bad at the moment, although I do have a cracking headache and I imagine I will be in bed by 8pm

Good news is I stopped Diet Coke last week cold turkey, had a real now or never monent and I honestly have not looked back which has really surprised me. I have never gone more that a day without it for around 20 years so this was a major habit for me. I have started to have a large black coffee every day but it is decaff so I am hoping this is ok.

Counselling wise I have had my one to one therapy appointment through for a week after the op which is good timing so I can start to work through some of my issues and my relationship with food.

Weighed in this morning and I am slightly heavier than I was when i had my consultation but then i did spend the weekend at the seaside and ate whatever I wanted so to be expected.

Just trying to keep positive for the journey ahead

Me x

 

[Wobbly71]

It is normal to have anxieties, I did but as soon as I arrived at the hospital I was strangely calm. I just focused on the end result.

I started at a size 24 on the bottom and 22 top.

I bought skinny jeans and tops in Next at the weekend size 16's.........

It is so worth it and just stick to your providors advice, it is working for me x x

 

[NT1977]

Thanks Wobbly, I am a tiny bit heavier than you was at present the same size clothes, great to see the progress you have made, amazing stats and I am with the same provider!

 

[NT1977]

Well day 1 went ok - apart from insomnia, only had about three hours sleep last night, not sure what that was about to be honest but I don't feel tired today at all. So far so good with just sticking to milk, I felt a bit sick at one point yesteday but I was on the fast train so it could have been that plus not a lot of food. evening was ok as hubby had made the dinner and eaten with the kids so it was all cleared away and washed up when i got home - although my 3 year old did delight in telling me how yummy her salmon and rice was lol - got to love kids right!

Day 2 - bring it on!

 

[Gems123]

Well day 1 went ok - apart from insomnia, only had about three hours sleep last night, not sure what that was about to be honest but I don't feel tired today at all. So far so good with just sticking to milk, I felt a bit sick at one point yesteday but I was on the fast train so it could have been that plus not a lot of food. evening was ok as hubby had made the dinner and eaten with the kids so it was all cleared away and washed up when i got home - although my 3 year old did delight in telling me how yummy her salmon and rice was lol - got to love kids right!

Day 2 - bring it on!

good luck, it can be hard but you will get through it and it is so worth it as it helps with surgery, I managed to do it and never thought I would, just take it day by day x

 

[pauladerm]

I have my band surgery on 10/06/13 and each time I think about it , I am so petrified, however after reading to some wonderful comments from you loads,it does put me at ease. Courage girl, I am sure all will be well

 

[NT1977]

So I am now on day 4 - day 3 was a bit of a nightmare, but it was all about the head hunger and emotional eating. was having a stressful day at work and then had to cook as OH was working late. I did it though and managed not to let anything not allowed past my lips.

Today is feeling better and I am counting down the days until my op