NT1977's Journey to a new life - my stall explained!

[Purple Sparkle]

Hi NT

How are you getting on?

The pre-op takes some focus and will power but it is really worth doing to ensure your liver shrinks nicely. I was the same when I was at work, when I have a stressful day I automatically made a beeline for the vending machine or canteen! I hope they realise their takings will be dramatically down when I go back to work!

Are you sleeping better now? I found that by about day 5 I was sleeping really well and it was only the night before my op that I had broken sleep.

Keep strong and keep focused.

Justine x

 

[NT1977]

I am sleeping so much better. Work is still causing me the most issue at the moment but I am coping. I did find myself fantasising about eating steak last night though lol only 4 more sleeps!

 

[NT1977]

11th June 2013 - 2 days post op

Wow cannot believe I am here, time went so fast pre-op and before I knew it I was off to Dolan Park. The hospital were fantastic, I was on my own as left hubby at home with my girls but the nurses were very supportive and I never felt alone for a second.

First day home yesterday was ok, managed a yogurt, 1/3 slimfast and a few mouthfuls of soup. Have really bad tummy ache today but hoping that will wear off.

Today's mood is definitely emotional, have been awake for a few hours and cried twice. It's hit me like a train what I have had done and I feel ashamed of myself. I suppose because I have let it get this bad, there is so much guilt in me. I have spent a lot of money having this operation to help control my bad habits. I feel like a terrible person/ wife / mother. Why did I let this happen to me? Why

 

[NT1977]

Well here I am 8 days post op and first day back at work. feeling very emotional today and quite uncomfortable but I think that is being back in my work clothes and one of my wounds it a little bit sore (my nursey sister in law inspected for me yesterday and thinks slight infection so bathing in salt water at present)

Started CBT one to one Therapy on Saturday which has also not helped with the mood, I know I have to do it and face up to some of the reasons why I am here today but sometimes it is not good going over old things whicih I have stored away in my brain/emotions. The good thing is there have been a couple of moment in the last week where I would have automatically gone to eat and although I did think about it (can you puree chicken curry ) I didn't do it - I cried instead :cry:but it was over in seconds and hey, I didn't eat and didn't need to, to feel better. total revelation to me that one.

I am a bit concerned about the fact that I can eat and feel no restriction although satisfied. I am trying to look forward to the next stages and plan calorie wise and have been looking at the daily menu posting thread on the banders section for inspiration and help which is fantastic.

Only 8 people know about me having this done if your discount medical people, I still have this feeling of shame about what I have done to myself that I need to deal with. I hope one day I will just shout it from the roof tops and scream "up yours" if you don't agree with it, think its the easy way out or indeed think I am nuts

Small steps are being made in the right direction!

Nx

 

[Bookie]

Oh, honey, don't cry! You should feel on top of the world right now!

Look here: You have done something for YOU, which will help YOU feeling better, making your quality of life better, quite probably extend your life further.

You know the band is the tool, not the solution, right? As long as you work with it, I'm sure you'll do fine, and we'll be there right alongside you.

MEGAHUGS for now.

 

[NT1977]

Thanks lovely, I do feel good that I have taken control but I know to stay in control I need to deal with the demons too. This is a forever situation not a diet or weightloss plan, this is about my life going forwards. I have two girls at home who I am striving to be a better example too, not just in a physical way but mentally too.

How are you doing?

 

[Bookie]

I'm absolutely fab today! Grinning from ear to ear in fact.

I KNOW this is because I've had the op and have basically hardly eaten anything for nearly a week. I KNOW that most of it is water weight, etc, etc. I know it probably won't keep on going down this steeply.

I. Don't. Care. I have lost 6 feckin' kilos n 5 days. That will do me for now.

 

[NT1977]

Another first this morning, I got up and went for a walk before work - 1 hour's walking. I have now downloaded an app which will track my calories/distance/speed so I can see my progress. This is really important to me as I gave up my gym membership to pay for my band I need to find another way of exercising (although I only went 1-2 times a week which didn't justify the cost really!)

On a positive note the work trousers I am wearing today are loose and the top now fits perfectly when it was a bit tight around my hips before - trying to only weigh once a week as I do not want to obsess on just the weight lost.

Was getting a bit sick of slimfast and soup so made myself a lovely smoothie last night - peanut and banana (using skimmed milk, a banana and a spoon of peanut butter with lots of ice!!) was divine and so tasty - also only 10 more calories than the slimfast!

PMA - Positive Mental Attitude!

 

[flutterby1966]

Sounds yummy ... And loving the PMA ... Much of success is down to attitude

 

[NT1977]

Well my PMA continues!

Moved onto mushies this weekend, which was scary and exciting all at the same time!! real flavours again were divine but I was worried about 1) over eating and 2) things getting stuck. All was well though and my 3 year old is very happy that I no longer have tooth ache and can eat with the family - I even have my own Disney Princess Plate

I have basically been dishing up the same as I would for my little one for dinner and it's working well, felt stuffed like I had a christmas dinner at first but it was good, no hunger or feeling like I need more. Eating out yesterday went very well, I stuck to plan and all was good, I just sat at the end of the table so no one paid much attention to me. I enjoyed it though, was nice to be out and be sociable and not be stressed about food or eating too much and the guilt

Experienced another attack of "head hunger" last night, I really wanted to eat, husband and I were vegging in front of the TV, girls we in bed and I just wanted a glass of wine and something nice, I got very very very grumpy, shouted at husband and stomped upstairs and sent him a few mean texts (he wouldn't eat or enterain in the conversation about food which really did pee me off ) which is very unfair of me. Anyway, gave myhself a pep talk, went downstairs, had a pint of squash and got over myself ....... PMA - I can do it, who needs food to make them happy - not this lady thats for sure

Scales are moving since I started mushy and I have lost 3lbs over the weekend which I am thrilled with, keeping an eye on my calories and intake by tracking online but not obsessing, concentrating more on listening to my body

Next challange - exercise!

 

[janeybec]

Am loving reading your thread...PMA fantastic, I love it...you are like a week ahead of me and its lovely to read roughly where I will be in a weeks time. Keep on posting pls

 

[NT1977]

Thank you Janeybec, its good to have somewhere to come and write it all out, helps you keep check on how you are doing and lovely to read others diaries for inspiration

How are you doing post op?

 

[janeybec]

Yeah I'm doing surprisingly well thanks. No pain killers, been for a long walk with the dog and done a bit of shopping. Not eating much but I'm getting there. So happy and sure I made the right decision x

 

[top_kat]

sounds like you're doing great - positive attitude is so important. Note the small things you achieve, the small changes because this can help if you get a slow down or stall - having something to positive focus on is important too

 

[NT1977]

I am wondering if I will ever change my way of thinking? Yesterday was mentally hard for me. My Mother in Law has breast cancer for the third time and had a masectomy, on top of which husband was very grumpy (understandably) and I was under pressure at work.

My first thought when I finished work was what can I eat, I am starving, ohh I could go to Marks and by something nice as I will be home alone (kids at parents, husband at hospital) and no one would ever know.....blah blah blah went the little voice. I managed to resist walking in the wrong direction and ended up in the station but still the voice went on there is a WHSmiths up there, you coudl get chocolate and suck it blah blah blah.......

so I compromised!! lol I brought myself a Ribena and trashy magazine and told the voice to shut it................

Get home and it was just starting up again so I quickly done a yummy dinner of mashed veggies with chicken in white sauce and watched some of my sky plus programmes until everyone started to arrive home.

Phew I done it!!!

Can I do it again? probably!

do I want to do it again? nope, I want to be able to cope some other way than food. It does not comfort me, food is for fuel (if it tastes nice that is a bonus!)

What is wrong with the way my brain is wired that everytime something good, bad or emotional happens I instantly want to eat.

Testing day for me mentally.

Today is a new day and I am already in work and have had one video call where a collegue commented on my weightloss - wohoooooo, that felt good. Won't be seeing them in the flesh until March when I go to Sydney and I hope to be half the lady I am now.

 

[Lincs Lass]

I take my hat off to all you banders. I know it wouldn't work for me - or should I say I wouldn't 'use it' properly.

Be very proud that you beat your demon. Remind yourself of that next time he comes calling.

I can just imagine the look on your Aussie colleagues face when they see you next year. And a well deserve reaction xx

 

[Bookie]

Attagirl! Well done for hitting that demon hard in the butt.

 

[janeybec]

Well done you for staying strong, times are going to be difficult for us as our bodies and minds are adjusting to the new us....but I'd day that was defo a 1 nil to you x

 

[NT1977]

Well week 2 of mushies is nearly over and it’s been going really well. Had one incident when I tried well cooked pasta as per my sheet from THG and it got well and truly stuck despite chewing really well. Think it may be because it was cold and therefore had gone starchy in the pot (I had it with tuna mayo and the tuna was fine). Lesson learnt.
I am thinking of going onto crunchy one day early as we are going to Chesington with the kids on Friday and I need to take a picnic (my youngest insists on one!LOL) so I really want to take it salad with some protein. I will see how I feel on Friday morning; don’t want to be getting something stuck when out and about.
I had my second CBT session on Saturday and spent most of it in tears, I am trying to forgive myself for abusing my body, I need to do this to move on but it is very hard, I feel so guilty. I have brought a journal and every day write whatever I want in there which is helping. I have also put in the back pictures to remind me of what I am trying to achieve (skinny jeans, strong woman, happy mum, healthy wife, sexy etc) for when I am having bad days. There is also pictures of my family to remind me why I am taking this journey.
It is really helping me to analyse my feelings and the voice in my head telling me food is my comfort, I am stronger than that though and keep reminding myself of the other things I want to achieve in my life. Eat to live, not live to eat.
So all in all very positive still, looking forward to my first fill and trying to challange myself to move more, this week it has been walking every lunchtime, next week I hope it will be more strenuous Zumba or dancing

 

[top_kat]

You're doing great and I think the journal is a great idea! A safe place to really put those thoughts down and out there!

As for the picnic, I recommend these a lot, but if you're ok with Tuna grab yourself a John West Light lunch, even comes with a little fork. Some of them come with chick peas, they also do a Moroccan salmon one which actually mashes a lot more than some of them, but they are a great source of protein, don't need to be kept refrigerated, but easy to eat and less than 300 cals (most around 250)

Princes also do them, mexican bean one is nice but sometimes kidney beans can be hard to digest for some. but yes, I swear by these for lunch, great in the office (in fact I currently have 8 in my drawer lol)