feeling kinda brave tonight so thought id tell my story!
im 22 years old and have already been to hell and back many times starting when i was born, my mum already had 4 children and didnt think she could cope with me! so left me at the hospital to be adopted, luckily my uncle told her how stupid she was being and he went back and got me, i have never known much about my dad other than he held me over a hig balcony at about 1 year old and told my mum she best run cos hes gonna drop me he was an awfull man and he tried to murder my mum when i was 2... i was 12 or 13 when i noticed my weight, untill then i was ok i did gymnasics at jounior school and was almost normal size though come to think of it i did always carry a little extra but not much, i could still climb trees etc etc, when i was 14 i had already been bullied for 2 years and thats when the weight really piled on i was so unhappy then, when i was 15 i was so low i spent a week out of school at my sisters because i couldnt stop crying
then a few weeks later i met my first bf which sent my confidence sky high but he was older than me, then about 6 months after meeting him i was raped which killed me and made me feel like id cheated on him so i broke it off just saying it was because of age... a couple of very sad years went by then to make it worse i was raped again, by then i was doing anything that was bad for me because i couldnt be bothered anymore i was smoking drinking taking drugs cutting myself etc etc etc none of my family or friends knew/know about half of this, for 2 years i was doing this through college then when i met ian (my husband) and had my son i became even more depressed (post natal deppression) and finally after so many years of basically trying to kill my self with anything i could find my sister dragged me to the docs and i was put on anti depressants which just sent me to sleep when i took them so got them changed took them for 2 years and couldnt stand the numbness anymore and by this time i was over 22 stone i weaned myself off them slowly and actually started to feel something i hadent in years ''happiness'' but then i found out i have pcos then a few weeks after that my flat got broken into when sent me spiraling again :sigh: back on the anti depressants which i came off myself when i moved house last december and finally felt safe again, though im still terrified of night noises but then 5 days after i moved in my poor gorgeous mummy died! which im devestated about!:cry::cry::cry::wave_cry::wave_cry::wave_cry: she was only 54 and although was poorly she wasnt dying but although she was not fat she died young and it gave me a kick up the bum because i know how much my health has suffered over the last few years and i need to see my boy grow up and i dont want him to be an only child, at the mo im 27st 3lb which somehow is a stone less than 3 months ago:crazy::hmm:
arty0049:
arty0048: i have lost my job too .... basically 2012 is my turn round year!!! its my sisters wedding im going on her honeymoon and having my op!!!!!!!!!!!!!! sorry for babbling ive probably missed a hell of a lot out and bored you in the process but in a nut shell thats been my life and i cant wait to start a new one this year! hope its not too long away!!!!!!!!!!! i have already started trying to make things bettter by telling my first bf the real reason i broke up with him which made him cry
thanks for reading everyone
:read:
lots of love and good lucks to you all
Toni Bradbury!!!!!!!!!!!!
