Jan...her cooking her husband that food is something that only HE can stop. You have to be ready to face your weight problem and maybe he isnt ready yet, he may never be, but until he tells her that he wants to lose weight and asks her to maybe make him healthier meals, or even make them himself, then she is just showing her love for him. Case in point is...ME...my husband is six foot four and twenty three stone in weight. He has sleep apnea and arthritic knees (since he was late twenties, now thirty two) and has said recently that he feels like a really fat man, his knees hurt, especially when he walks, his apnea obviously is no better and he now has times when we both notice that he is developing that 'fat man' (as he calls it) way of breathing. I have said that I will encouarage him in any way that I can, if he wanted to consider surgery then I would support that, if not then I will only make him healthy food. Right now he adores the cakes and biscuits that I make and his favourite thing is the bacon, egg and cheese bagels that I make him of a weekend. I said that I would happily stop making him any of this to help him shed some of the weight but he said that whilst he feels crappy about it, right now he doesnt have the motivation to do anything about it and that he has to get to the point of truly being committed to doing something about it before anything can happen, so could I still please carry on as we are. I cant force him to lose some weight, if I stop making anything nice for him he will only go out and get it elsewhere, plenty of shops sell the things that I make and if I cant give it to him then until he is ready to change, somewhere else will. He didnt say that, but I know that its true, he loves the food that I make him and I love to see him happy, my food makes him happy right now so what right do I have to tell him he cant have any of it, it would just cause friction and make him resent me and I really need him on my side right now to help me through my own journey.
If he turned to me tomorrow and said "lets do this, I want to shed the weight, no more cakes and biscuits and bagels" then I would stop, I would make him healthy healthy food and I would encourage him to the very best of my ability, until that day comes, it isnt my place to tell him to lose weight or change his eating habits, and the same goes for Sally, until her husband chooses for himself, she is just doing the one thing that she knows makes him happy.
I hope that my reply doesnt seem snappy or anything, I dont mean it that way, I just understand her situation with regards to having a heavy partner, she may well want to help him, but until HE chooses it, she cant.
Steph xx
P.S I have considered cold turkey treatment for my hubby, not having any bad foods in for him, not cooking him these bad things, but he then asks why am I doing it and if I mention the weight thing then he gets very very depressed about it and he works damn hard, I truly dont want to be the one that depressed him.