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A Chance to Start Again

Elias

Active Member
I echo what everyone else said. It's a massive process with big old ups and downs. Just remind yourself that it'll all be worth it in the end! I could never keep weight off before and I'd usually put double back on the week after! Now though I really feel completely different and the weights falling off. You'll get your results okie don't worry! x
 

_Victoria_

Well-Known Member
Hey @OkieGirl. I'm Sorry that you're having a hard time and that you don't really have anyone to talk to about it. Like the others have said, this part of the journey is so hard and when you have other things to deal with and worry about on top of that it makes everything harder and you put a lot more pressure on yourself.

Congratulations to your son. What an achievement! And to be able to overcome his Autism and succeed is really great. It's proof that no matter what you have to struggle with, if you try and put your mind to it you can accomplish anything.

If you ever wanna talk outside of the forums, not just about weight loss surgery, just let me know and i'll give you my number so we can chat and you can vent some more. I know from personal experience how lonely this journey can be and how important it is to have someone to talk to and confide in about all of your emotions and life struggles. I have two ears if you need them!

You know you're not in this alone. We're all here for you.

You look great in your pics!

Hopefully we'll hear more from you soon. I hope things start to get better for you :hugs:
 

OkieGirl

Well-Known Member
Thank you all for your kind words and support. I can't say that I'm in a much better place mentally than I was. Some days I'm perfectly fine - most days, in fact - but then I just crash something awful. Yesterday was one of those days and thankfully I seem to have bounced back a bit faster than I have done. On the plus side, I have been maintaining and for now I will settle for that. I go back on the 8th August for the MDT meeting and will hopefully get a better idea of the timescale for surgery. If it's not this year, I will be very disappointed, but at the very least I can start taking some of my holiday instead of hoarding it. I already plan on taking a week off once Fallout 76 (yes, I'm a gamer!) is released, so it's something to look forward to.

Anyhow, I hope all of you lovely people are keeping well in this hot weather. Again, thank you so much for your support. <3
 

Maria61

Well-Known Member
Thank you all for your kind words and support. I can't say that I'm in a much better place mentally than I was. Some days I'm perfectly fine - most days, in fact - but then I just crash something awful. Yesterday was one of those days and thankfully I seem to have bounced back a bit faster than I have done. On the plus side, I have been maintaining and for now I will settle for that. I go back on the 8th August for the MDT meeting and will hopefully get a better idea of the timescale for surgery. If it's not this year, I will be very disappointed, but at the very least I can start taking some of my holiday instead of hoarding it. I already plan on taking a week off once Fallout 76 (yes, I'm a gamer!) is released, so it's something to look forward to.

Anyhow, I hope all of you lovely people are keeping well in this hot weather. Again, thank you so much for your support. <3
Take care lovely lady, we are all here for you and each other xx
 

Bling Babe

Well-Known Member
Thank you all for your kind words and support. I can't say that I'm in a much better place mentally than I was. Some days I'm perfectly fine - most days, in fact - but then I just crash something awful. Yesterday was one of those days and thankfully I seem to have bounced back a bit faster than I have done. On the plus side, I have been maintaining and for now I will settle for that. I go back on the 8th August for the MDT meeting and will hopefully get a better idea of the timescale for surgery. If it's not this year, I will be very disappointed, but at the very least I can start taking some of my holiday instead of hoarding it. I already plan on taking a week off once Fallout 76 (yes, I'm a gamer!) is released, so it's something to look forward to.

Anyhow, I hope all of you lovely people are keeping well in this hot weather. Again, thank you so much for your support. <3
So lovely to hear from you and fabulous news that your in a better place, you will be fine even if it’s not this year you’ll get there, well done on maintaining, it’s not easy pre-op when you don’t have the restriction. Take care Okie xxxx
 

OkieGirl

Well-Known Member
So, here I am about a month on from my previous entry. I can say without a doubt, even though I've not been to the doctor yet, I am suffering from depression and it is very much kicking my arse. Bloody hell it’s awful. And I wish I were just bandying the word around like so many people casually do when they feel a passing blue mood. If only. It’s something that’s been lurking in the background for months now but since the start of June it’s bit hard. Getting out of bed is so difficult. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a morning person at the best of times, but this is beyond laying there thinking how comfy bed is. This is omg I just can’t really face another day. It pisses me off because there’s no one thing I can point to and say that’s where things started coming off the rails. It’s been a ton of little things that finally has pushed me down and kicked me a few times while I’m there. And what makes it worse at times is that I have days where I feel somewhat normal. And I’m also, apparently, really damned good at putting on my Mandy mask – the one where everyone sees the happy, bubbly Mandy that they think I am. But those kind of normal days then make me question if there’s really anything wrong at all. Then, it can take one minor thing to send me back down into the pit. I’m seeing my doctor on Friday. I’m also arranging to have some counselling that should start mid-August. I think the counselling will be good anyway in light of surgery. Lord only knows how I’ve not managed to re-gain all the weight I’ve lost during this, but I'm still maintaining! Right now, I’m sitting here, and my husband is chuckling at some documentary on TV and I just feel this knot of weariness/sadness/loneliness/anxiety in my chest. I have no real interest in anything and I honestly can’t remember the last time I truly enjoyed something. I just go through the motions. Work and family life is so draining and although I’m getting my work done, by the time I come home, It’s almost impossible to do any of my housework. Hell, I can’t remember the last time I actually cleaned the house. If it weren’t for my oldest doing loads of laundry during the week, we’d probably run out of clothes. And it bothers me and I feel like I’m letting EVERYONE down. I’m just so tired.

And of course I can't help but wonder how this will affect the decision of my MDT in August. I am very much worried that if I go in there and am honest with them about the state of my mental health at the moment, they will consider me not suitable. In all honesty, I do not think the depression has sprung from the weight loss I've had so far. If anything, I've actually very much enjoyed people's complements on my progress - it makes me feel good! The whole situation really just irks me. I'm annoyed at myself, even though I logically know that this is just one of those things that just happen for no damned good reason. The timing of it all is totally, utterly and completely crap.

Hopefully the next time I'm here I can be the bearer of good news. I honestly am so happy for those who are making fantastic progress and although I'm not commenting, I am keeping up on everyone's diaries. Hopefully one day I can join your ranks.
 

Bling Babe

Well-Known Member
So, here I am about a month on from my previous entry. I can say without a doubt, even though I've not been to the doctor yet, I am suffering from depression and it is very much kicking my arse. Bloody hell it’s awful. And I wish I were just bandying the word around like so many people casually do when they feel a passing blue mood. If only. It’s something that’s been lurking in the background for months now but since the start of June it’s bit hard. Getting out of bed is so difficult. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a morning person at the best of times, but this is beyond laying there thinking how comfy bed is. This is omg I just can’t really face another day. It pisses me off because there’s no one thing I can point to and say that’s where things started coming off the rails. It’s been a ton of little things that finally has pushed me down and kicked me a few times while I’m there. And what makes it worse at times is that I have days where I feel somewhat normal. And I’m also, apparently, really damned good at putting on my Mandy mask – the one where everyone sees the happy, bubbly Mandy that they think I am. But those kind of normal days then make me question if there’s really anything wrong at all. Then, it can take one minor thing to send me back down into the pit. I’m seeing my doctor on Friday. I’m also arranging to have some counselling that should start mid-August. I think the counselling will be good anyway in light of surgery. Lord only knows how I’ve not managed to re-gain all the weight I’ve lost during this, but I'm still maintaining! Right now, I’m sitting here, and my husband is chuckling at some documentary on TV and I just feel this knot of weariness/sadness/loneliness/anxiety in my chest. I have no real interest in anything and I honestly can’t remember the last time I truly enjoyed something. I just go through the motions. Work and family life is so draining and although I’m getting my work done, by the time I come home, It’s almost impossible to do any of my housework. Hell, I can’t remember the last time I actually cleaned the house. If it weren’t for my oldest doing loads of laundry during the week, we’d probably run out of clothes. And it bothers me and I feel like I’m letting EVERYONE down. I’m just so tired.

And of course I can't help but wonder how this will affect the decision of my MDT in August. I am very much worried that if I go in there and am honest with them about the state of my mental health at the moment, they will consider me not suitable. In all honesty, I do not think the depression has sprung from the weight loss I've had so far. If anything, I've actually very much enjoyed people's complements on my progress - it makes me feel good! The whole situation really just irks me. I'm annoyed at myself, even though I logically know that this is just one of those things that just happen for no damned good reason. The timing of it all is totally, utterly and completely crap.

Hopefully the next time I'm here I can be the bearer of good news. I honestly am so happy for those who are making fantastic progress and although I'm not commenting, I am keeping up on everyone's diaries. Hopefully one day I can join your ranks.
I’m so sorry your suffering like this Okie, and pleased your seeing your GP and getting some counselling too I’m sure in time it will really help, is hubby understanding of mental health, it’s such a horrid condition to suffer with, if I can do anything to help please let me know, I wish I could wave a magic wand, have you suffered in the past ? Your right to say it can happen for no good reason but please try not to think you are letting everyone down because your not and it’s not your fault you feel like this
Take care lovely, you will soon be on the losers bench, I’m not sure what to suggest regarding your MDT, they didn’t specask anyone of us at mine if we suffered from depression, maybe keep quite until you’ve began some antidepressants and had a few counselling session the. You can assess how your feeling and whether they should know xxxxx
 

Sarnie

Well-Known Member
So, here I am about a month on from my previous entry. I can say without a doubt, even though I've not been to the doctor yet, I am suffering from depression and it is very much kicking my arse. Bloody hell it’s awful. And I wish I were just bandying the word around like so many people casually do when they feel a passing blue mood. If only. It’s something that’s been lurking in the background for months now but since the start of June it’s bit hard. Getting out of bed is so difficult. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a morning person at the best of times, but this is beyond laying there thinking how comfy bed is. This is omg I just can’t really face another day. It pisses me off because there’s no one thing I can point to and say that’s where things started coming off the rails. It’s been a ton of little things that finally has pushed me down and kicked me a few times while I’m there. And what makes it worse at times is that I have days where I feel somewhat normal. And I’m also, apparently, really damned good at putting on my Mandy mask – the one where everyone sees the happy, bubbly Mandy that they think I am. But those kind of normal days then make me question if there’s really anything wrong at all. Then, it can take one minor thing to send me back down into the pit. I’m seeing my doctor on Friday. I’m also arranging to have some counselling that should start mid-August. I think the counselling will be good anyway in light of surgery. Lord only knows how I’ve not managed to re-gain all the weight I’ve lost during this, but I'm still maintaining! Right now, I’m sitting here, and my husband is chuckling at some documentary on TV and I just feel this knot of weariness/sadness/loneliness/anxiety in my chest. I have no real interest in anything and I honestly can’t remember the last time I truly enjoyed something. I just go through the motions. Work and family life is so draining and although I’m getting my work done, by the time I come home, It’s almost impossible to do any of my housework. Hell, I can’t remember the last time I actually cleaned the house. If it weren’t for my oldest doing loads of laundry during the week, we’d probably run out of clothes. And it bothers me and I feel like I’m letting EVERYONE down. I’m just so tired.

And of course I can't help but wonder how this will affect the decision of my MDT in August. I am very much worried that if I go in there and am honest with them about the state of my mental health at the moment, they will consider me not suitable. In all honesty, I do not think the depression has sprung from the weight loss I've had so far. If anything, I've actually very much enjoyed people's complements on my progress - it makes me feel good! The whole situation really just irks me. I'm annoyed at myself, even though I logically know that this is just one of those things that just happen for no damned good reason. The timing of it all is totally, utterly and completely crap.

Hopefully the next time I'm here I can be the bearer of good news. I honestly am so happy for those who are making fantastic progress and although I'm not commenting, I am keeping up on everyone's diaries. Hopefully one day I can join your ranks.
So sorry to hear you feel like this, depression is an awful illness, but at least you recognise it and are seeking help to combat it. I wish you well and hope it all comes together for you xx
 

Emma1504

Well-Known Member
I feel for you. It’s an on going battle but you are seeking help which is a great first step.
I have suffered from depression for most of my adult life. I am on medication and when I went for my MDT it didn’t appear to be a problem. I think the psychologist was more interested in the fact I was in control & had a good understanding of how this journey could effect me & my depression.
I hope you get the support you need from the doctor x
 

OkieGirl

Well-Known Member
Last Friday I saw my doc and as expected he put me on antidepressants. I know that they're supposed to take a couple of weeks to really kick in, but I swear I already am feeling better. Mornings are getting easier. Little things aren't setting me off quite so much. The grim suicidal voice in my head is becoming much more distant, thankfully. Surprisingly my doc didn't sign me off, but I think he would have if I asked. I'll be having the first week of September off, which I'll be glad for.

Tomorrow's my MDT and I know it's been asked already, but what can I expect from the MDT at L&D?
 

Ian2Big

Well-Known Member
Mine was in a group, the psychology bit was more about understanding it is a tool and getting your head around the whole thing. To be honest didn't really get much from that part. The Nurse, went through the different surgeries and how the work and side effects etc, dietitian was good, talked about life afterwards.
Chance to ask any questions you can think of. Got weighed at mine.
It is just another step on the road, It is really the first step on tier 4.
 

Bling Babe

Well-Known Member
I’m so pleased your feeling brighter, you can look forward to September now and enjoy a week of. My MDT was the same as Ian’s, I found it quite useful, a chance to ask any questions too and to hear other people’s questions which some of I hadn’t thought of, as Ian said it’s the real start of tier 4.....yay....pleased for you....I hope you get something out of it, I did, even though we live close to each other so it’s a long trek for us....but so worth it. Good luck Okie xxx
 

Maria61

Well-Known Member
Last Friday I saw my doc and as expected he put me on antidepressants. I know that they're supposed to take a couple of weeks to really kick in, but I swear I already am feeling better. Mornings are getting easier. Little things aren't setting me off quite so much. The grim suicidal voice in my head is becoming much more distant, thankfully. Surprisingly my doc didn't sign me off, but I think he would have if I asked. I'll be having the first week of September off, which I'll be glad for.

Tomorrow's my MDT and I know it's been asked already, but what can I expect from the MDT at L&D?
Good luck Okie, the MDT was very interesting and a step nearer surgery. Take care xxxx
 

OkieGirl

Well-Known Member
Welp, turns out I didn't have my MDT today, I just saw the physician. :( Long ol' drive for a series of questions that my bloody GP could have asked and sent in, but never mind. He gave me the thumbs up for surgery, so that's another box checked. The worse part of the whole thing was that my husband's sat nav decided to have a massive brainfart and it took us nearly 4 hours to get home. I feel knackered and my poor hubby did all the driving.
 

Bling Babe

Well-Known Member
Aw no Okie I’m sorry but it is still another step closer, I didn’t realise you hadn’t seen the physician yet. Modern technology.......it’s great when it works !! Xx
 

OkieGirl

Well-Known Member
Aw no Okie I’m sorry but it is still another step closer, I didn’t realise you hadn’t seen the physician yet. Modern technology.......it’s great when it works !! Xx
The last time I was there in April the nurse said that she would try and arrange it so I saw the physician and had the MDT on the same day to make the journey worth it and the confirmation letter for today's appointment wasn't terribly clear. It kind of implied that was what was going to happen. Lesson learned. Next time I'll call if I'm not 100% certain of anything. At any rate, when I got done with the physician, I went and asked the receptionist if I had another appointment and she said no so we headed home. Watch it turn out that was the case and the receptionist was wrong. I'll be so cheesed off if that's the case and I get bumped for non-attendance.

Honestly, his sat nav has never sent us the same route twice in all the trips we've made there. I think we're going to have to use some of the McDonald's along the way as way points so we don't have that happen again. I think the roadworks near Cambridge really threw it for a loop and it never really recovered.
 

OkieGirl

Well-Known Member
Since I hadn't heard anything from L&D about my next appointment I started getting a bit antsy and worried that I'd somehow slipped through the cracks. So, I gave them a ring on Wednesday and was assured that I hadn't been forgotten and that there was a letter waiting for me but it wasn't quite ready to go. I can only assume that will be my MDT meeting. Hopefully. The lady I spoke to was one of the admin team and she was really sweet.

I've been slipping a lot over the last few weeks and thankfully I'd been mostly maintaining, but it's finally caught up with me. I've now regained about 5lbs, so I've got to buckle under. I'm now wearing my Fitbit again and doing my best to try and get some exercise in. Since I'm at work on my own most of the time, I put on one of Leslie Sansone's Walk at Home videos and march away. If you've not heard of her, look her up on YouTube. She has all sorts of vids on there and has DVDs as well. I like to use the 5 minute walk while I'm at work and play it through twice to not only get in about 1000 steps, but it takes me up to about 12-13 minutes of active minutes. There's also a 15 minute/2 mile walk that is really good too. I might eventually break out the DDP Yoga videos I have as well, but the positions on your knees really are painful at this stage not because I've got bad knees, but because putting my weight on them just ends up bruising them!

I've also decided that I need to get my home in order. Now, don't get me wrong, we're nowhere near to being on an episode of Hoarders but with the depression creeping up on me for the last few months and really grabbing hold of me since June, taking care of my house fell off my list of stuff to do. Like I said, we're not Hoarders worthy, but the place is cluttered and dusty and it's not how I like my house to be. I don't want a showplace either, but, yeah, tidy is good. So, I've signed up for Fly Lady. If you've never heard of Fly Lady and you're a SHE (Sidetracked Home Executive), check her out. She posits that for a lot of us, we get so mired down with our own perfectionism that we end up overwhelmed and paralyzed by it. We have grand plans and ideas and are usually a very creative lot, but because we can only seem to see the big picture, we can't break things down into small manageable steps to accomplish the things we want. I used to use the Fly Lady methods when my boys were really tiny and it did make a big difference to me but over time I strayed and lost the way, so now I'm returning. I've shined my kitchen sink (seriously, this is the first baby step!) and just from that, it's making me want to do more. So, this morning I think I will give my kitchen a good clean.

My antidepressants have well and truly kicked in now and I am so very thankful for them. When I look back over the two months before I started them, it actually does scare me. I had a few days where I really got to the point where I honestly didn't think I'd see the next day. One of the things I've noticed about the antidepressants, however, is that it is making it easier to speak up and speak my mind instead of just sitting there and taking some of the crap people try and put on me. I stood up to two of our clergy in a staff meeting when they started pulling some of their BS and I felt bloody proud of myself for it. I wasn't hateful, I was incredibly diplomatic really, but I didn't just put up with it.

So, although the weight is creeping up, things are feeling much more positive.

Hope everyone else is doing well!
 

Sarnie

Well-Known Member
Since I hadn't heard anything from L&D about my next appointment I started getting a bit antsy and worried that I'd somehow slipped through the cracks. So, I gave them a ring on Wednesday and was assured that I hadn't been forgotten and that there was a letter waiting for me but it wasn't quite ready to go. I can only assume that will be my MDT meeting. Hopefully. The lady I spoke to was one of the admin team and she was really sweet.

I've been slipping a lot over the last few weeks and thankfully I'd been mostly maintaining, but it's finally caught up with me. I've now regained about 5lbs, so I've got to buckle under. I'm now wearing my Fitbit again and doing my best to try and get some exercise in. Since I'm at work on my own most of the time, I put on one of Leslie Sansone's Walk at Home videos and march away. If you've not heard of her, look her up on YouTube. She has all sorts of vids on there and has DVDs as well. I like to use the 5 minute walk while I'm at work and play it through twice to not only get in about 1000 steps, but it takes me up to about 12-13 minutes of active minutes. There's also a 15 minute/2 mile walk that is really good too. I might eventually break out the DDP Yoga videos I have as well, but the positions on your knees really are painful at this stage not because I've got bad knees, but because putting my weight on them just ends up bruising them!

I've also decided that I need to get my home in order. Now, don't get me wrong, we're nowhere near to being on an episode of Hoarders but with the depression creeping up on me for the last few months and really grabbing hold of me since June, taking care of my house fell off my list of stuff to do. Like I said, we're not Hoarders worthy, but the place is cluttered and dusty and it's not how I like my house to be. I don't want a showplace either, but, yeah, tidy is good. So, I've signed up for Fly Lady. If you've never heard of Fly Lady and you're a SHE (Sidetracked Home Executive), check her out. She posits that for a lot of us, we get so mired down with our own perfectionism that we end up overwhelmed and paralyzed by it. We have grand plans and ideas and are usually a very creative lot, but because we can only seem to see the big picture, we can't break things down into small manageable steps to accomplish the things we want. I used to use the Fly Lady methods when my boys were really tiny and it did make a big difference to me but over time I strayed and lost the way, so now I'm returning. I've shined my kitchen sink (seriously, this is the first baby step!) and just from that, it's making me want to do more. So, this morning I think I will give my kitchen a good clean.

My antidepressants have well and truly kicked in now and I am so very thankful for them. When I look back over the two months before I started them, it actually does scare me. I had a few days where I really got to the point where I honestly didn't think I'd see the next day. One of the things I've noticed about the antidepressants, however, is that it is making it easier to speak up and speak my mind instead of just sitting there and taking some of the crap people try and put on me. I stood up to two of our clergy in a staff meeting when they started pulling some of their BS and I felt bloody proud of myself for it. I wasn't hateful, I was incredibly diplomatic really, but I didn't just put up with it.

So, although the weight is creeping up, things are feeling much more positive.

Hope everyone else is doing well!
Its lovely reading a mostly positive post about how you're doing. You seem very upbeat :)
Thanks for the tips on Walking at Home, I'm going to look into that. xx
 

Emma1504

Well-Known Member
It’s great you are getting back on track. My house is always the first thing that suffers when my depression kicks in.
Never heard of the fly lady. Her point about being a perfectionist is really true for me. Work People would come round (if I let them in) & be shocked at how messing & unorganised it was. Because at work it’s a completely different story. The mess at home would be so overwhelming even though I had such big ideas and never knew where to start. A friend brought me a book & it again was about breaking things into small jobs. It really got me into sorting and decluttering my stuff. It has made me feel better having my house up to my standards. I also found getting the house sorted was a great distraction. From this long journey. Good luck x
 
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