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NT1977's Journey to a new life - my stall explained!
- Thread starter NT1977
- Start date
WeightlossDreamer
Well-Known Member
wow just read through your diary. You really seem to have overcome your battles with food which is great. I have a friend who recently went through a course of cbt. It is so worth doing shes like a different person now! x x
Having a bit of a nightmare and need to get things off my chest.
Back from holiday in Cyprus and in control of the band a bit more (only one incident of something being stuck on holiday and that was just bad luck I think to be honest) managed to lose 1lbs and was finding most of my holiday clothes too big so dumped a lot of it out there as will not wear again and only cheap stuff from Primark.
Should be feeling great right?
Well I am not; I am really feeling awful if I am honest.
I have a night out this weekend which has been planned for months, went shopping last week and brought something in a size 16 and was so happy it fitted I don’t think I actually looked at myself properly in the mirror, went home and ummed and ahhed about it so husband took a photo of me in it (daughter and him both think it looks nice and makes me look smaller etc etc) but all I can see is a big fat heffer trying to be something I am not. I dragged them all round lakeside on Friday night only to buy nothing as everything was not fitting right or too big or too small.
I don’t know who I am any more, I don’t know where I fit in. I look in the mirror and I cannot see the changes everyone else is on about when they see me, I feel like I have changed but what I see doesn’t match what I think. I have no idea of what I should be wearing, I am sad that I have let myself get into this state, I am going to live with the consequences of what I have done forever. The lose skin, the stretch marks, the wobbles, it’s grim. At least when I was bigger I just walked into Evans, tried on stuff in my size and made the best of what there was, I didn’t go out unless I had to – I actually spent the weekend craving that simple life, even though I know in my heart it did not make me happy or else I wouldn’t have had the band fitted.
I have spent so long being able to hide behind my weight as an excuse; I now don’t know who I am or where I fit in. My friends who I am going out with all know about the operation and have been so supportive of me and encouraging but they think I am crazy for feeling like this, but I cannot change how I feel.
If I could cancel our night I would but then I would have the guilt of letting them all down and I know my other half would be really upset with me too.
I even convinced myself I should just stop and have the band removed and go back to my comfort zone..........feel like I am losing the plot and very sad about it
Back from holiday in Cyprus and in control of the band a bit more (only one incident of something being stuck on holiday and that was just bad luck I think to be honest) managed to lose 1lbs and was finding most of my holiday clothes too big so dumped a lot of it out there as will not wear again and only cheap stuff from Primark.
Should be feeling great right?
Well I am not; I am really feeling awful if I am honest.
I have a night out this weekend which has been planned for months, went shopping last week and brought something in a size 16 and was so happy it fitted I don’t think I actually looked at myself properly in the mirror, went home and ummed and ahhed about it so husband took a photo of me in it (daughter and him both think it looks nice and makes me look smaller etc etc) but all I can see is a big fat heffer trying to be something I am not. I dragged them all round lakeside on Friday night only to buy nothing as everything was not fitting right or too big or too small.
I don’t know who I am any more, I don’t know where I fit in. I look in the mirror and I cannot see the changes everyone else is on about when they see me, I feel like I have changed but what I see doesn’t match what I think. I have no idea of what I should be wearing, I am sad that I have let myself get into this state, I am going to live with the consequences of what I have done forever. The lose skin, the stretch marks, the wobbles, it’s grim. At least when I was bigger I just walked into Evans, tried on stuff in my size and made the best of what there was, I didn’t go out unless I had to – I actually spent the weekend craving that simple life, even though I know in my heart it did not make me happy or else I wouldn’t have had the band fitted.
I have spent so long being able to hide behind my weight as an excuse; I now don’t know who I am or where I fit in. My friends who I am going out with all know about the operation and have been so supportive of me and encouraging but they think I am crazy for feeling like this, but I cannot change how I feel.
If I could cancel our night I would but then I would have the guilt of letting them all down and I know my other half would be really upset with me too.
I even convinced myself I should just stop and have the band removed and go back to my comfort zone..........feel like I am losing the plot and very sad about it
Ah read your post don't feel down I think you should go to debenhams who offer a personal shopper service that will help you choose clothes you feel good in and give u tips' I would be jumping for joy loosing weight xxx hugs
top_kat
Well-Known Member
Nina. I hear you I really do and really related to this . . .
When we lose weight, often changing to a size that we may not have been for a long time, it is a new thing for us. It brings about a whole host of different feelings and emotions again, some of which are completely new.
I believe it takes an awful long time for our minds to catch up with the losses that we have had from our bodies. My own brain is still about 3 or 4 sizes behind, in that I am selecting clothes that are a 18/20 on top, because I've always hidden behind baggy clothes, except they swamp me and on clearer moments I can see that they do.
I had a letter last week from Evans cancelling my store card as I've not used it for 12 months. And it felt really strange, because like you, it was the only place that I could go. we walked in, picked up what we knew fitted and because they were aimed at a large shape we didn't really have to think about it. Except now we do.
I would suggest (and I've not done this yet as I'm just dossing in any old clothes in a size that fits lol) but going into one of the stores and having a personal shopper. They can help you so much. I had one when I went into Monsoon back in the summer, she worked with me on trying the dresses on and there was one that I really liked but she commented on things that made it not the most appropriate.
I think they can help us see things differently.
Also, with regards to your thoughts and feelings about yourself - this is where I think that post op counselling and support can be so important, to help deal with those thoughts and feelings - the negatives ones. The crooked thinking and this is where maybe CBT could help at this point - would you consider counselling to help you with and through these feelings? CBT will look at those crooked thoughts and help you to see things differently. It is certainly worth a go as I know that these feelings can be really hard to deal with.
People may think you're crazy, but that is because they do not understand. They can only say from looking in, not what its like to be that person within looking out. they can sympathise, but they cannot truly understand the thoughts and feelings within YOU.
For going out, head to Debenhams or somewhere, get yourself a shopper to help you - even if you have to pay a bit more, its important that you feel ok in yourself going out.
I still go for clothes which are loose, which are long, which aren't clinging or fitting. I still look for sleeves or something which I can wear a bolero type top because I wont and can't go sleeveless. And when I look at my wardrobe and the things I'm in while I'm still losing, I know that most of them just don't fit correctly. My head is still sizes bigger. At the weekend I put on a nightshirt that is now 10 sizes too big, and even my son commented on its size and how I could fit in it many times over and yet I knew it was loose but still couldn't get my head around that I used to fill it - that it used to be tight and now it drowns me.
This is something only time can help me with, and also my beginning to accept these changes, but when we've been big for so long (I've always been big) it isn't something that is just going to change overnight, but definitely worth looking into CBT to see if it can help.
On another note, well done for a 1lb loss while on holiday and for knowing that you can leave the clothes behind because they no longer fit.
When we lose weight, often changing to a size that we may not have been for a long time, it is a new thing for us. It brings about a whole host of different feelings and emotions again, some of which are completely new.
I believe it takes an awful long time for our minds to catch up with the losses that we have had from our bodies. My own brain is still about 3 or 4 sizes behind, in that I am selecting clothes that are a 18/20 on top, because I've always hidden behind baggy clothes, except they swamp me and on clearer moments I can see that they do.
I had a letter last week from Evans cancelling my store card as I've not used it for 12 months. And it felt really strange, because like you, it was the only place that I could go. we walked in, picked up what we knew fitted and because they were aimed at a large shape we didn't really have to think about it. Except now we do.
I would suggest (and I've not done this yet as I'm just dossing in any old clothes in a size that fits lol) but going into one of the stores and having a personal shopper. They can help you so much. I had one when I went into Monsoon back in the summer, she worked with me on trying the dresses on and there was one that I really liked but she commented on things that made it not the most appropriate.
I think they can help us see things differently.
Also, with regards to your thoughts and feelings about yourself - this is where I think that post op counselling and support can be so important, to help deal with those thoughts and feelings - the negatives ones. The crooked thinking and this is where maybe CBT could help at this point - would you consider counselling to help you with and through these feelings? CBT will look at those crooked thoughts and help you to see things differently. It is certainly worth a go as I know that these feelings can be really hard to deal with.
People may think you're crazy, but that is because they do not understand. They can only say from looking in, not what its like to be that person within looking out. they can sympathise, but they cannot truly understand the thoughts and feelings within YOU.
For going out, head to Debenhams or somewhere, get yourself a shopper to help you - even if you have to pay a bit more, its important that you feel ok in yourself going out.
I still go for clothes which are loose, which are long, which aren't clinging or fitting. I still look for sleeves or something which I can wear a bolero type top because I wont and can't go sleeveless. And when I look at my wardrobe and the things I'm in while I'm still losing, I know that most of them just don't fit correctly. My head is still sizes bigger. At the weekend I put on a nightshirt that is now 10 sizes too big, and even my son commented on its size and how I could fit in it many times over and yet I knew it was loose but still couldn't get my head around that I used to fill it - that it used to be tight and now it drowns me.
This is something only time can help me with, and also my beginning to accept these changes, but when we've been big for so long (I've always been big) it isn't something that is just going to change overnight, but definitely worth looking into CBT to see if it can help.
On another note, well done for a 1lb loss while on holiday and for knowing that you can leave the clothes behind because they no longer fit.
Val
Committed Weight Loser
TK
as always a well thought out response to a very emotive thread...
Im just the opposite I catch a GLIPSE OF MYSELF AND I THINK tHAT OLD FAT WOMAN ISNT ME..
iM STILL VIBRANT YOUNG AND UP TO DATE WITH FASHION
I HAVE NEVER ACCEPTED iM BIG I HAVE NEVER HAD RESTRICTIONS THAT I HAVE IMPOSED MYSELF
I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN WAY TO CONFIDENT AND FLIRTY..
BUT
THAT WAS BECAUSE I HAVE A MAN THAT LOVES ME, I WAS A SERVING pOLICE oFFICER, AND A GREAT NETBALL PLAYER AND I CANNOT LET THOSE THINGS I achieved fall by the wayside..
they were my achievements and made me the person I am whether I am 24.7pounds or the new 3 stone lighter me...
I always have and still do ..LIKE ME
All that said I truly sympathise for the way you feel sweetie, you have worked so hard to get where you are and I hope with all my heart you can like yourself more..so get dolled up go out and enjoy yourself, your entitled too!!!!!!
You really deserve it!!!!!!!
sorry I hit cap's lock button half way through
as always a well thought out response to a very emotive thread...
Im just the opposite I catch a GLIPSE OF MYSELF AND I THINK tHAT OLD FAT WOMAN ISNT ME..
iM STILL VIBRANT YOUNG AND UP TO DATE WITH FASHION
I HAVE NEVER ACCEPTED iM BIG I HAVE NEVER HAD RESTRICTIONS THAT I HAVE IMPOSED MYSELF
I HAVE ALWAYS BEEN WAY TO CONFIDENT AND FLIRTY..
BUT
THAT WAS BECAUSE I HAVE A MAN THAT LOVES ME, I WAS A SERVING pOLICE oFFICER, AND A GREAT NETBALL PLAYER AND I CANNOT LET THOSE THINGS I achieved fall by the wayside..
they were my achievements and made me the person I am whether I am 24.7pounds or the new 3 stone lighter me...
I always have and still do ..LIKE ME
All that said I truly sympathise for the way you feel sweetie, you have worked so hard to get where you are and I hope with all my heart you can like yourself more..so get dolled up go out and enjoy yourself, your entitled too!!!!!!
You really deserve it!!!!!!!
sorry I hit cap's lock button half way through
Thanks for the replies ladies, I knew I could talk on here and you would have some understanding. I know friends and family mean well but they just don't get it. I am proud of the lbs coming off and the scales showing the loss, I am not proud of what I see in the mirror and how I feel.
TK - I have been through a 16 week CBT course with 1:1 Counselling which was amazing. I was thinking of maybe giving my counsellor a call as I know she will be happy to talk to me. I really do feel that CBT has helped me get to where I am today and I am proud that despite feeling so crappy I have not reverted to old and over eaten which is a positive - every cloud and all that!
TK - I have been through a 16 week CBT course with 1:1 Counselling which was amazing. I was thinking of maybe giving my counsellor a call as I know she will be happy to talk to me. I really do feel that CBT has helped me get to where I am today and I am proud that despite feeling so crappy I have not reverted to old and over eaten which is a positive - every cloud and all that!
top_kat
Well-Known Member
Read that last statement again. Pause. Read it again. Because that On it's own is a huge achievement and one to feel proud and pleased of
. It's a big positive which I think reflects on how far you've come.I would give your counsellor a call, I think it's worth it with the help you've had so far.
You can see how far you've come today and yet there's that little crooked voice in the head which stops you acknowledging, celebrating, throwing the negative thoughts into where you are.
Kick the voice to the kerb if you can, but go shopping if you've got time with a shopper so you can go out feeling as fab as you look
WeightlossDreamer
Well-Known Member
I can't really add anything but do understand how you feel I think getting in touch with your councillor again would really help x x
Summerband
New Member
Sending you good wishes and positive thoughts. I think you just need to give your mind time to catch up. You are doing great. And how amazing that you aren't turning to food when you feel down....well done!
Banderbird
Active Member
I do understand what you mean with regard to clothes. To me, clothes are just something to cover me up rather than a 'look at me' thing. And I'm a size 16 too, and can shop in most high street stores. I get most of my clothes in Sainsbury's (good tip there, they have lots of good stuff ).
I'm always looking for things which have long sleeves, and which cover my bum and which aren't too tight.
I have to say, a decent pair of jeans and a long, floaty top go a long way to making you feel pretty good.
You've come such a long way and have done so well, you are right to feel proud of yourself.
Another tip is to treat yourself to a really good haircut/colour, it works wonders.
).I'm always looking for things which have long sleeves, and which cover my bum and which aren't too tight.
I have to say, a decent pair of jeans and a long, floaty top go a long way to making you feel pretty good.
You've come such a long way and have done so well, you are right to feel proud of yourself.
Another tip is to treat yourself to a really good haircut/colour, it works wonders.
Hi Nina,
Sorry about how you feel. I can understand ur pain. All been said, I think you should try and focus on the more positive side of what the weight loss has done or brought to your life for example health. The rest will definitely come in due time, I believe if you have been big in most part of your life it's a bit difficult to deal with all the changes and also hard to find where you really fit. Take things slowly and try to appreciate your self more for your achievements. For it's not easy, sometimes I do feel the same way but I try to channel the positive side of things like seating comfortably on the train seats or not snoring.
Best of luck girl, and continue to drive in the path of sucess and in due time you will be more pleased with yourself.
Above all, call your CBT and they will give you the best advice you need.
Sorry about how you feel. I can understand ur pain. All been said, I think you should try and focus on the more positive side of what the weight loss has done or brought to your life for example health. The rest will definitely come in due time, I believe if you have been big in most part of your life it's a bit difficult to deal with all the changes and also hard to find where you really fit. Take things slowly and try to appreciate your self more for your achievements. For it's not easy, sometimes I do feel the same way but I try to channel the positive side of things like seating comfortably on the train seats or not snoring.
Best of luck girl, and continue to drive in the path of sucess and in due time you will be more pleased with yourself.
Above all, call your CBT and they will give you the best advice you need.
RaeB
New Member
Your achievements are amazing, you have a wonderfully supportive family, your will power has been strong...it's amazing that the disruptive, sabotaging, crooked thinking is making a final attempt to get you to give all that up.
Your counsellor will be able to help you, plus you could apply some of those CBT techniques as additional armour against the enemy.
We're here for you too, we believe in you and deep down you know you are worthy because you made the decision to have the surgery in the first place. Let's get those nagative thoughts out of there, they have no place in your future.
Your counsellor will be able to help you, plus you could apply some of those CBT techniques as additional armour against the enemy.
We're here for you too, we believe in you and deep down you know you are worthy because you made the decision to have the surgery in the first place. Let's get those nagative thoughts out of there, they have no place in your future.
Bookie
Member
Hi, lovely.
I can't pretend I understand how you feel, so I am not going to come up with advice, because the truth is I wouldn't know what to say.
All I can do is send you my biggest hugs and hope that you find the place in your head where you find the balance to like the new you. You have achieved so much already, and I hope you stick to it, for your own sake. Maybe you need to learn to like YOU, in whichever shape or form, I don't know.
You are amazing, don't let anyone, least of all yourself, tell you otherwise.
xxx
I can't pretend I understand how you feel, so I am not going to come up with advice, because the truth is I wouldn't know what to say.
All I can do is send you my biggest hugs and hope that you find the place in your head where you find the balance to like the new you. You have achieved so much already, and I hope you stick to it, for your own sake. Maybe you need to learn to like YOU, in whichever shape or form, I don't know.
You are amazing, don't let anyone, least of all yourself, tell you otherwise.
xxx
Yvessa
Well-Known Member
Hi Nina, a lot of what you're saying resonates with me. I don't really recognise or feel I own my new body. And I don't see what other people see. And like you not fitting into something can send me for a spin. There are no easy answers. Weightloss is a hard thing emotionally and you are very right in your comment about being in a comfort zone. Being bigger meant we has no expectations around clothes fitting and looking like they should on us. Now we're approaching normal sizes we tend to forget regardless of size bodies are all different shapes, even the same size ones. Ther is no manual to what ours should look like except magazines. And so our brain can't accept us with the damage done by our excess weight. You will get there, but give yourself time.
fjsinc
Active Member
Sometimes I feel exactly the same. For me its actually like a mental block of sorts. I dont understand, my brain just wont adjust. Ive gone down 7 sizes, I know its true. I can even look at clothes in a shop and tell whether they will fit or not. But when I put them on I dont understand how they fit. I think that I don't feel thinner because of my skin is very unsightly. I will never have smooth figure, and always be wobbly and a little uncomfortable in my skin.
Hello, I am back!!
I stepped away just for a little while to re-assess, I have read and re-read all the wonderful comments and suggestions on here and it is comforting to me that so many of you get what I am saying and unlike everyone else just telling me to embrace it, you get it, really get it.
So I went back to talk to my counsellor and I have agreed to a monthly session to help me through the next transition. My doctor and counsellor were both wonderul and I also sat down and had a really good talk with my husband. For the first time since the operation he actually told me how proud he is of me and what I have achieved and how wonderful he thinks I am, but at the same time that he always thought that anyway. It was nice to have some reassurance all round from here and home so thank you from the bottom of my heart for that.
I did get a grip over clothes for my night out and went within my comfort zone a bit -black, floaty and comfortable, but with killer heels, leggings and my arms on show - a compromise!! I felt fantastic and danced the night away. my friend straightened my hair which made me feel so different and also made me face the mirror and take a photo which is the photo attached - nice to "see" you all
At my counsellors suggestion I took some more photos and I am going to share them with you all here, not to be boastful but as a record of where I am right now. the first shots were taken the day before my operation, the others on Friday. I have updated them into the back of my journal where I have several inspirational shots, because you see I am inspirational, I am an every day Mum, Wife, employee and woman trying to just do "ok" and ok is fine with me :flirt2:
Everyday is a journey, but everyday I am travelling forwards. I am not going for any more fills for the time being, weight loss is steady enough at 1-2lbs a week and I am socialising a lot at the moment through work so trying not to obsess with scales and enjoy the festivities within my personal limitations.
Sorry for the underwear shots!
I stepped away just for a little while to re-assess, I have read and re-read all the wonderful comments and suggestions on here and it is comforting to me that so many of you get what I am saying and unlike everyone else just telling me to embrace it, you get it, really get it.
So I went back to talk to my counsellor and I have agreed to a monthly session to help me through the next transition. My doctor and counsellor were both wonderul and I also sat down and had a really good talk with my husband. For the first time since the operation he actually told me how proud he is of me and what I have achieved and how wonderful he thinks I am, but at the same time that he always thought that anyway. It was nice to have some reassurance all round from here and home so thank you from the bottom of my heart for that.
I did get a grip over clothes for my night out and went within my comfort zone a bit -black, floaty and comfortable, but with killer heels, leggings and my arms on show - a compromise!! I felt fantastic and danced the night away. my friend straightened my hair which made me feel so different and also made me face the mirror and take a photo which is the photo attached - nice to "see" you all
At my counsellors suggestion I took some more photos and I am going to share them with you all here, not to be boastful but as a record of where I am right now. the first shots were taken the day before my operation, the others on Friday. I have updated them into the back of my journal where I have several inspirational shots, because you see I am inspirational, I am an every day Mum, Wife, employee and woman trying to just do "ok" and ok is fine with me :flirt2:
Everyday is a journey, but everyday I am travelling forwards. I am not going for any more fills for the time being, weight loss is steady enough at 1-2lbs a week and I am socialising a lot at the moment through work so trying not to obsess with scales and enjoy the festivities within my personal limitations.
Sorry for the underwear shots!
