I'm a successful dieter! Very successful

[SARAH S]

£10500!!! Am I completely Mad!!

This has been a really difficult one for me. Having made the decision that I really do want and need this surgery, now I have to pay for it.:sigh:

Sleepless night followed sleepless night, How can I possibly justify spending that sort of money on myself. Our eldest daughter is in the process of building a beautiful home with her partner, but I know they are struggling. Money is very tight and they are waiting each month for money to come in so they can complete another stage. They are creating a wonderful home and although I'm sure they would like some more cash, I think possibly doing it this way will mean they end up with a home they will truly value - if that makes sense!

She will be 30 on 1st August and has been poorly for a long time so is unable to take employment, though they both work for me when they can. I have spoken to her about her having a private operation but she assures me that this is not possible and just wants them to sort out her medication. I went with her for the last visit and they at last seem to be on the right page.

My next daughter who is 25, has just given us our 1st grandchild and she is beautiful an absolute joy. I love spending time with all of them:family2:
They all live in a rented cottage which is nice but I know she would dearly love her own house.

Our small catering business could benefit from a large cash injection , to enable us to employ another member of staff, then my husband wouldn't have to work so much and we could spend more time with our little girl, soon to be 8 Shouldn't I be saving this sort of money for her future?

So here is my dilemma, why spend that sort of money on me...

As I say many sleepless nights Can I really be this selfish? I think I should cancel and forget the whole thing:sigh:

Well I spoke to the girls and my husband independently and expressed my concerns. He says he just wants me to be happy and the girls feel that this op is a fabulous opportunity to get my life back, be able to do what I want, have a longer life and as such improve theirs! OMG when did my babies turn into such wonderful women!!:cry:

So the op is back on again

 

[wannabeminime]

I feel exactly the same Sarah! I am a single mum of two intelligent girls who will probably both end up at Uni (15 and 11 now). I would have to get a loan to pay for a private op for myself, and i too am struggling to justify it when life is sometimes a struggle financially anyway, let alone when they go off to uni. What to do!!

 

[jema]

Well ladies... I have a 6yr old daughter who used to have a few issues with self confidence. I make time each day to improve this with her, and one of the things we go through is this:
Who deserves to read the best books - I do mammy
Who deserves to get the best marks at school - Me mammy
Who deserves to have the best friends in the playground - I do
What kind of day do you deserve to have - The best day ever
Who do you think should work hard to achieve these things - I will work hard mammy.....

I'm sure if you look at what you've already done for your families, you'll find you can answer the questions the same way as my beautiful, bright little girl. And I'm sure your beautiful, bright little girls will agree!

Sometimes putting others second for a short time, means you're giving them longer, first.....
Good luck on your decisions. x

 

[SARAH S]

Should have been yesterday

Well I had a very strange day yesterday.

I was offered my bypass surgery and I accepted it for yesterday. Then realised that it was a busy time of year for our business and asked for it to be changed to Sept. Also wanted some more time to raise money - got to go private!

So now I'm sitting here thinking that it could all be over and I'd have been post op if I'd gone ahead.

Ironically we aren't that busy and I would have been ok...........oh well a few more weeks wont hurt I guess...no choice now.......

Just feel odd, not low just odd!

 

[SARAH S]

thats definate then

Originally posted on wrong thread..so moved it to my diary

I've been feeling very strange yesterday and today...the reason being that yesterday was the original date for my op...I changed it not them and had started talking myself out of proceeding:sigh:

Thinking!!
Not least - It's such alot of money
- our business is only just breaking even,
- the kids could do with money,
- we could have a fab holiday
and although I have a fair amount of the cash I will have to borrow some:cry:


Thinking!!
I could go on another diet, heck I'm about to put myself through 2 weeks of just milk then not be able to eat food properly for several weeks, I could easily go on another diet:break_diet:


Thinking!!
Oh that'll work...for a few weeks then I'll put it all back on again and more !

Think! Think! Think! Sometimes I wish my brain would just stop!!

Anyway I've just got home from a shopping trip for my eldest daughters 30 birthday present...now it should have been a nice couple of hours with my little girl, my husband, my other daughter and my grandaughter...instead the sun was belting down and within 10mins of being out of the car I was hot and bothered Sweating and red in the face:sigh:

Three shops later I was seriously losing the will to live and wanted to go back to the car!!( not that I was frowning but actually looked like this smilie!!)

And then the photos!!!!!!

I seriously don't, no can't go on like this.
He says "it's booked now- you go for it",
Middle daughter said when she saw the photos"Well its not like you're not doing something about it!"

Do you know what? they're right!

So sod it!! I am going to do it and I'm doing it for me...............Who the hell said that?.....ME THATS WHO!!!!

 

[SARAH S]

Pre op appointment with drs

Having received my date for my pre op assessment with the surgeon, I booked to have my bloods etc done with my GP:sigh:

This I feel is a bit off as I'm paying for my surgery privately however the money I pay does not cover any of the blood tests, prescriptions that I will require or any after care other than the standard check ups, But my GP is aware of all this and willing to support me...not sure if he's got much choice but it was nice of him to say so

Now when it comes to giving up my blood I'm awful....just the mention of it and all my veins disappear:wave_cry:. This timethough I knew they wanted loads, and the blood nurse was brilliant and only took 2 attempts

When I rang for the results the helicopater was negative...good all the counts were fine....good BUT
The liver result showed up something. Drs says its probably a bit fatty...go figure so now I've got to have a scan...hope this doesn't hold up the op

 

[SARAH S]

August Mayhem!

Well its now August and the peak time of year for us at our shop, all the kids are on holiday so lots of families visiting looking for some tasty goodies that we make:family2:

We have noticed that the money seems to be flowing a little slower this year ....maybe the effects of the recession are now hitting us:sigh: and I need that dosh now!!

Still I've only got another 9 days until I start my pre op diet, then the following week I have to pay for the op....OUCH! and then

Dun! Dun! DDUUNNNN!! my op date will be here!! My tummy turns when I think about it at the moment...not sur wether its that I'm nervous or excited but it sure is weird.

I've been chasing my dentist this week as I have a wisdom tooth that is loose and I can't eat on the left side and I've a gap on my right side. Now I'm thinking if I can only eat small amounts that require lots of chewing then I'd best get it sorted out..................oh hell yeah. Finally got a response from them, they have refered me and now I will be on another waiting list for at least 6 weeks!!! If they think it's urgent!!!

If they decided that its not urgent I will be waiting for 11 weeks!!! ARGHHHHH!! :cry:

My ultra scan for my liver is on Thursday and I'm considering starting the pre op diet now to hopefully get a better result....Is that possible?

Saturday though, is my eldest daughters partners birthday bash...they've pulled it forwrd to enable me to enjoy it too, as the real date is a week before my op. I think they think this will be my last supper!!

I think I just want to get on with it now....roll on the 7th

 

[SARAH S]

Well after my blood test a few weeks ago, I spoke to my GP and apparently I have fatty tissue in my liver..................
now I'm no Einstein, but I've been overweight for a great deal of my life on or off...............Of course I've got a fatty liver!!!

So I had to have a scan...what a waste of money. Anyway surprise surprise (I feel Like Cilla) its true Ive got a fatty liver!!!!!

I suppose I shouldn't be annoyed, he's an absolute sweetie and only doing his job but really. Speaking to him about the results he said as I was already addressing this there was no problem

Anyway Tuesday I start my pre op diet. I still can't decide wether to go on the milk diet, don't have to think about meals but very boring I'm sure or the low carb diet. Surely this would harder as I have to make decisions and as history has proved I'm not always good at making the right ones,:break_diet: although this will be the last diet I ever have to embark on .....How liberating

Had my pre admission appointment today...all ok .....although they need another armful of blood not more than 10 days before the op. Had a quick ecg, a few swabs and a look around the very plush hospital with full a'la carte menu:cry:...how ironic....and back off home.

So now its really going to happen.

I can't work out wether I'm excited or frightened or what. I actually have placed it out of my mind as we've been so busy. This week seems to have slowed , so the old brain has started ticking over again!!! Going to launch a new part of the business in the next few weeks so that will keep me occupied... then roll on the 7th Sept. Thats only 20 sleeps away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
__________________

 

[SARAH S]

Lets get on with it

I'm scheduled to have my bypass on 7th Sept and due to start my pre op diet on Tuesday.

I've been left to decide which one to follow,
Milk diet of 3litres of semi skimmed milk, 2 yogurts and extra 3 litres of free fluids.............Surely I'll drown:wave_cry: on the plus side I know exactly what I'll be having.
Slimfast or such like..............I never was really keen on any of these as the flavours are not to my taste. Or
Low fat low carb diet..................down side of this is I have to plan and decide on my menus.....not always my best feature ....choosing wisely:cry:

Over the past 7 days I've found myself saying things like; I wont be able to have this again or perhaps I should have it 'cause its my last chance.:break_diet:

I wouldn't mind but I haven't even enjoyed most of it as much as I thought I would...............

So enough is enough, this morning I started my low carb, low fat diet 2 days early

I've eaten well today, a slice of toast and marmite for brekkie, a little cheese salad and small freshly baked roll for lunch and have just had a nice egg salad again with bread roll..............I'm stuffed. I still have got to fit in 2 pieces of fruit and a yogurt...I saved these for later as this is a danger time for me:sigh:

If I've felt a bit of hunger coming on I've had a glass of SF Ribena and it went away Hopefully this will last.

The main thing I keep telling myself is this time its off FOREVER

 

[wannabeminime]

Hi Sarah, just wanted to say good luck with the diet, and well done for starting early. I would probably have picked the low fat low carb diet too. Are you sure you're allowed bread rolls, fruit, SF ribena and even a yoghurt (depending on which one)? These are all carby foods.

 

[mariew]

How are you getting on with your pre op diet Sarah?

 

[SARAH S]

yesterday was day 2 and all went ok

I had toast for brekkie, half a tin of soup and a pear for lunch, a nice pork loin steak with a little potato and peas. had a bowl of salad as a snack. a nectarine, a pear and a yogurt for supper.

Managed 2 litre of extra squash as well so very pleased, didn't feel hungry which is a plus.

Today I'm working and forgot to have breakfast......This is one of my main issues...I'm thinking of setting my ohone alarm just to get me to eat something as I'm very aware that this cannot happen post op.

So at 10 I had 2 boiled eggs and a plum...mainly cos I was driving to Cash and Carry. Lunch I had the other half of the soup and a small slice of bread. I'm working til 11 tonight and I've just made up some lovely curry so I'm having that as a soup. Got My nectarine and yougurt ready and have already had 2 pints of squash

All in all okay , I'm a bit worried about tonight as we usually have a few drinks while working, so I don't want to be the stick in the mud but I'll have to take something with me:wave_cry:

 

[SARAH S]

Day 4 of pre op diet

So yesterday was the first time I tried to do my 16hour day, as usual I forgot breakfast and as previously posted was out and about when I realised.

Eldest daughter has now programmed my mobile to prompt me for breakfast lunch dinner and supper!!!

I thought she was being daft but have to say that I'm well on track today knowing that the b****y thing is going to go off

Have been having thoughts about not going through with the op recently , usual things.....could I loose the weight by myself ? wouldn't it be nice to go on holiday with all that money? Can I really give up eating and drinking as I do at the moment? Its a very big part of my life , both socially and my business!!

To give food in Sarah Land is to give love, we've always based our gatherings and events heavily around food and drink....what will we do instead?:wave_cry:

Then I walk or try to reach something and my body hurts....can I really afford not to have the op?
I so wish I'd already had the bypass and then I would be on the journey of no return.....

I'm scared!! Thats what this is all about. I'm scared!! What if I get to the operating room and run away? What if I fail at this too...then what? My family are being very supportive and I listen to all the posts from people on hear and I soooooooo want in. I'm just scared!!

I've always told myself that I don't wanting to be lying on my death bed saying what if ?! and have really lived my life that way....having a go, trying anything I've wanted to do and for the most part its been great and at least I tried! So why am I having these doubts of myself now??

 

[SARAH S]

Truro Meeting

I had a really bad nights sleep last night, very restless and disturbed. My mind would not stop:sigh:

I know what it is I'm getting scared of the op. I'm now 11 days till my bypass and although the diet is going well and I'm sticking to it without too much problem or hunger, the thought of the op is now scaring me.

My mum died eleven and a half years ago after an operation, having had a stroke after the anesthetic and I don't think I'll ever get over it. She was only 63. This is preying on my mind, rationally I know that this is my best path to avoid a stroke (my nana died of a stroke too, but was elderly) I queried this with Mr Finlay and he said that she would have had the stroke anyway it wasn't caused by the op etc. I know, I know I'm being daft

Anyway this afternoon I went to the Truro BOSPA meeting and met a few of the lovely ladies on their journeys. It made me feel a lot more relaxed about it all, well sort of.

On the up side I've lost another 2lbs in the last few days Yeah!!

 

[POPPET]

Hi Sarah,
Just catching up with your thread
so pleased you enjoyed the meeting...
....to be honest its all the people I met pre-op that had me almost skipping/running down to theatre!!! lol
Yes it's a hell of a lot of money BUT I'm so glad I spent it-wish I'd done it sooner

can't wait to see you on the "bench"xxxJuliexxx

 

[penguina]

Big hugs!!!!!!!

Most people would be scared, I wasn't on the day but had been having bad dreams, so subconsciously I was, but with your family history, you have extra things going on in your brain. It is only natural you would think of your mums op, but as you say, if we remain heavy there is a lot of ailments that can affect us.

Someone I always thought of as fit apart from smoking had a stroke in her mid 50's. I thought that would be me, not living much longer, but now only three weeks out I feel so much better. Tired maybe, but able to walk up the slight incline to the doggy walking field, without getting so out of breath.

I am glad you came along today, it was nice to meet up, and the next time you will be the newbie on the loosers bench YAY !!!!

 

[MissDiet]

Im really glad you've wrote this diary. Im havin my op on 6th so can relate to you with the feelings of:
Hmm do i need this
What if...
Oo i could save £9k etc
I can do this myself!!

Hang in sweet. I will all work out xx

 

[SARAH S]

Thank you Julie, I must admit the support and advice on this forum has been an enormous help.

I'm anxious just to get on with it now.

I'm glad you think it was money well spent, I hope I feel that way too!

 

[SARAH S]

Big hugs!!!!!!!

Most people would be scared, I wasn't on the day but had been having bad dreams, so subconsciously I was, but with your family history, you have extra things going on in your brain. It is only natural you would think of your mums op, but as you say, if we remain heavy there is a lot of ailments that can affect us.

Someone I always thought of as fit apart from smoking had a stroke in her mid 50's. I thought that would be me, not living much longer, but now only three weeks out I feel so much better. Tired maybe, but able to walk up the slight incline to the doggy walking field, without getting so out of breath.

I am glad you came along today, it was nice to meet up, and the next time you will be the newbie on the loosers bench YAY !!!!

Thank you, it was nice to meet you and listening to people did help, I think Mike had a nice chat to the gentleman that helps run the meeting ( didn't get his name) and he felt he heard some positive things too!

I think I'm ready to join you all on that losers bench now, so move over so I can fit my fat bottom on there!!

 

[SARAH S]

Im really glad you've wrote this diary. Im havin my op on 6th so can relate to you with the feelings of:
Hmm do i need this
What if...
Oo i could save £9k etc
I can do this myself!!

Hang in sweet. I will all work out xx

Thank you, If only I could do this by myself!!!

I'll be just a day behind you good luck and see you on that bench