Venture pre-op

[Venture]

Thanks JJ! Pretty good going so far, wonder what my post-op losses will look like.

Tracking my intake this week with myfitnesspal, I'm just amazed at how little I can eat and my body is totally fine with it. I mean I know obviously consuming mainly protein shakes is not exactly a healthy way to be either, but I'm taking in 1300-1500 calories a day (50% of that is from my one daily banana smoothie shake thing!) and I'm... totally fine? I mean I'm not even any more hungry than usual. If anything slightly less sometimes! The fact that I can take in that little without being hungry, and still manage to swim my ass off in the pool after work (another 1km non-stop today!), just strikes home how messed up my head is in terms of food. Again I know this is mostly because I'm consuming almost nothing except protein and water, which isn't a long term thing, but still.

I'm also really conscious of what people around me are eating nowadays - they just look like they are stuffing their faces! The guys in the office are all normal-size people, but they seem to be almost constantly motoring away with something, they are rocketing through a sandwich and crisps at lunchtime, or big cooked meals from the canteen; grazing on stuff in the morning and afternoon, eating 1 or 2 or even 3! samosas someone brought in for their birthday, and there I am just waiting for the clock to tick round until I can have my lunchtime shake and being pretty much fine physically (though my head still wants the tasties). I mean I used to eat like that and it's not absurd amounts of food but it feels like it.
Also how eating to excess is seen as a funny thing, isn't that terrible? Tee hee oh aren't we naughty etc. It's been fun in the past when I've been there, but that's something I (reluctantly) am glad to be permanently getting away from soon because I know it's a slippery slope for me.

Anyway enough rambling. Op day -7 is down! We're on final approach, fasten your seatbelts. This time next week I will be post-op and ON THE BENCH! Probably thinking, oh my good God, what have I done to myself...

Switched things up a bit this morning and saved my banana smoothie thing for dinner after the swim, instead of having it for breakfast. Nice to have something healthy to look forward to all day. Had the strawberry shakes today, I've been getting through too much of my chocolate one. They suck. By lunchtime I was able to just slug it back and see it as fuel, though. Definitely going to get some kind of sampler pack or something before I invest in another tub for post-op.
MyFitnessPal is very unhappy with me lately due to my low calorie intake, especially on exercise days. It reckons I have 2000 calories left in my budget for today! Ha! Shove it!

 

[Venture]

Day -6

Boooooring now. More protein shakes. So dull. It's just fuel. Which is nice in a way.
Was naughty and had chunky soup AND a shake this evening. I felt an urge for meat but it doesn't really fill me up so I had shake afterward too. Still plenty under calories for the day owing to the swimming. Probably my last swim for a few weeks today - I won't go over the weekend, they're closed bank holiday Monday & then Tuesday I am hitting the road for Belgium!!

Not eating normal food was definitely the right choice for LSD, there is no way I would have been able to keep myself in check if I was having normal stuff just small portions/unflavoured/etc.

Feel a little bit apprehensive about the op but sure it'll be fine. Not feeling any excitement or anything, it's just a thing that is going to happen next week.
What is still positive is the knowledge that this Christmas I will be significantly slimmer, & by my next birthday I will be super slim and oh so sexy!

 

[Venture]

Epic cravings today ugh! Been on protein shakes for a week now and today I could murder someone to eat something stodge and carb-y.

 

[Jacwat]

Epic cravings today ugh! Been on protein shakes for a week now and today I could murder someone to eat something stodge and carb-y.

I know how you feel Venture, I am so sick of milk! I am so so tired too, just don't think my body can function. Oh well, not long now.
Hope today gets better and you manage to resist those urges.
Jackie
X

 

[Venture]

I know how you feel Venture, I am so sick of milk! I am so so tired too, just don't think my body can function. Oh well, not long now.
Hope today gets better and you manage to resist those urges.
Jackie
X

Thanks Jackie
Don't know how well I would have done on milk only! At least I'm getting lots of protein! I feel for you!
This weekend ahead will be really hard, the last 3 days to get through too.
I really want to give in to this craving

Psychology time, it's interesting the sheer amount of misery that I can feel by just not surrendering to this urge; my system is so broken! This is where my healthy lifestyle efforts always come undone, this is why I am overweight and this is what the surgery is for. My mind is making up all sorts of reasons that it'd be ok to give in, or explanations for afterward, even though it makes no sense at all, this is surely in the addiction category.

 

[Venture]

Very, very bad day today.

I hope they can cut this thing out of me next week.

 

[Venture]

OK so what happened yesterday? Been beating myself up over it but there's no point, it's done.
For some reason ever since 9-10am I was craving carb-y fast food and it didn't get better all day. Probably the worst craving-fight I have EVER had. Being full up after protein shakes didn't help much. Managed to get distracted for half an hour at a time on one or two occasions. But all day I was very very fidgety, tapping the desk, my mind wandering onto stupid food-fantasies, sometimes squeezing my nails into my palm to try and stay on the right track. By lunchtime I was going absolutely crazy, got out for a walk and the distraction helped whilst I was moving but as soon as I got back it returned; food smells in the office were twice as frustrating as normal. Afternoon was the same as the morning. Just generally felt like an addict going through withdrawal, there was definitely a physiological element, I know head hunger and this wasn't just that. Today was the most I have ever fought it and I challenge anybody to survive it. Perhaps I needed more carbs this week, perhaps I needed less. Perhaps it was rabbit starvation (when you have too much protein compared to fat/carb). Perhaps hypoglycemia(? or whatever it's called). Who knows.

Anyway I physically and mentally couldn't fight that fight anymore and piled away a whole bloody takeaway pizza Felt terrible (mentally) afterward and this morning and wish I had had the strength to not do it but it just wasn't there. I didn't have enough fight in me. Almost 3000cal according to MyFatnessPal.



OK so self-pity over, what useful stuff can I take from here?

1. My pre-op LSD was voluntary, I was only asked to try and eat low-fat. Yesterday was obviously high-fat but hopefully that won't all just pile onto the liver and spoil the op. I can manage to keep to LSD for the remaining time. I'm going to hit the pool today and tomorrow (don't normally do weekends) and try to burn some back off.

2. This fight is the reason I am having the surgery. This is why I can't keep weight off and this is why I can't do it "the normal way". At least I have a reminder. The internet says 95% food addiction remission rate after WLS, and even if I can't fight it off if it comes up in future, at least I can only eat a small amount. That's my safety net.
You guys have seen how I am now - how good my willpower can be for a period of time and how it can be defeated eventually and in a big way.

3. I still refuse to spend the rest of my life enslaved by this. I refuse to be fat forever. THIS DOES NOT DEFINE ME!


Op day -4 today. I've only really got Sunday and Monday to get through because Tuesday is mostly travelling. I've had my morning protein shake. Let's go!

 

[GlasgowJJ]

OK so what happened yesterday? Been beating myself up over it but there's no point, it's done. For some reason ever since 9-10am I was craving carb-y fast food and it didn't get better all day. Probably the worst craving-fight I have EVER had. Being full up after protein shakes didn't help much. Managed to get distracted for half an hour at a time on one or two occasions. But all day I was very very fidgety, tapping the desk, my mind wandering onto stupid food-fantasies, sometimes squeezing my nails into my palm to try and stay on the right track. By lunchtime I was going absolutely crazy, got out for a walk and the distraction helped whilst I was moving but as soon as I got back it returned; food smells in the office were twice as frustrating as normal. Afternoon was the same as the morning. Just generally felt like an addict going through withdrawal, there was definitely a physiological element, I know head hunger and this wasn't just that. Today was the most I have ever fought it and I challenge anybody to survive it. Perhaps I needed more carbs this week, perhaps I needed less. Perhaps it was rabbit starvation (when you have too much protein compared to fat/carb). Perhaps hypoglycemia(? or whatever it's called). Who knows. Anyway I physically and mentally couldn't fight that fight anymore and piled away a whole bloody takeaway pizza Felt terrible (mentally) afterward and this morning and wish I had had the strength to not do it but it just wasn't there. I didn't have enough fight in me. Almost 3000cal according to MyFatnessPal. OK so self-pity over, what useful stuff can I take from here? 1. My pre-op LSD was voluntary, I was only asked to try and eat low-fat. Yesterday was obviously high-fat but hopefully that won't all just pile onto the liver and spoil the op. I can manage to keep to LSD for the remaining time. I'm going to hit the pool today and tomorrow (don't normally do weekends) and try to burn some back off. 2. This fight is the reason I am having the surgery. This is why I can't keep weight off and this is why I can't do it "the normal way". At least I have a reminder. The internet says 95% food addiction remission rate after WLS, and even if I can't fight it off if it comes up in future, at least I can only eat a small amount. That's my safety net. You guys have seen how I am now - how good my willpower can be for a period of time and how it can be defeated eventually and in a big way. 3. I still refuse to spend the rest of my life enslaved by this. I refuse to be fat forever. THIS DOES NOT DEFINE ME! Op day -4 today. I've only really got Sunday and Monday to get through because Tuesday is mostly travelling. I've had my morning protein shake. Let's go!

Hi V
Try draw a line under yesterday & move on! It's not easy If it was then we wouldn't be going to such measures!
Stay strong & positive !!!
You can do this !!!!

 

[Venture]

I can definitely do this & I am more resolved than ever that this is the right thing to do.
I'm also resolved that what is broken inside me is not something that other people will necessarily be able to understand! After all, you just need to choose to eat less, right? Not THAT hard...

Reading some stuff about this, the research says that in people like me/us, brain response to food is similar to the responses to drugs & that includes withdrawal! Sounds about right...!

Still, only a few days left until my nuclear weapon arrives and I start winning the war!

So today is day -4; wasn't hungry this morning (presumably still full of pizza) so didn't have anything until 11/12 ish, protein shake. Then I went to the pool to burn off that junk food and, well... lately the best I can do is about half an hour, 20 lengths (thats 1km - 50m Olympic size pool). Some days I can do that without stopping at all. Not completely knackered afterward, but ready to get out.

Today I swam SIXTY lengths. Non stop. That's 3km. 3km!! That's three times my best ever distance and at least 90 minutes of continuous exercise. I just felt OK and kept on going. Woohoo! MyFatnessPal was having a meltdown afterward having done 2000cal of exercise!!
Recharged afterward with protein shake and then had to seek out more fuel at the shop, so I bought some chicken and stuff, got through quite a lot but calories are fairly well miniscule so who cares. Especially in the light of that burn-off.
Anyway I'm about to make dinner, something with mince I think. Feels like a good day to eat something normal & it will still be healthy.

Roll on tomorrow. Will see how my muscles feel and maybe hit the pool a-gain!

 

[kurstywursty]

Bless! This is just so hard and you don't have that WLS tool yet

You have it all sorted in your head. Don't self bash

It won't be long now ((((Huggs))))

 

[Tules]

You are doing well.
As a sleever, we have "head hunger" because it is just that. Our hunger hormone is completely taken out with the stomach, so what you feel is really in the head.
What you were experience was normal, terrible ,proper hunger so admire your will power.
Please remember, after the operation, for the first 8 months at least, you will not feel hungry. The body does replace the hunger hormone gradually, (even our own body is against us - but have a little time in between to change habits.
Good luck.

 

[Venture]

Thanks guys :heartpump:

Yes Tules, watching my favourite YouTube bariatric surgeon Dr Weiner says that surgery (by way of the hunger hormone reduction etc) makes your body reset itself to a more normal "set point" weight rather than the inflated set point weight that it's used to when you're overweight for a long time. You can flicker under your set point for a while with reduced intake, or go over it with too much, but your body generally maintains about the same and it takes a long time to change it naturally. Surgery resets it overnight, your body goes "whoah Nellie, I'm carrying 100+ lbs of extra weight" and starts dumping it as fast as it can, which means the combination of that process and your lack of stomach hormones saying you're hungry, it's a double whammy assault on fat stores. Bring it on! I like his logic a lot!

 

[Caroline jess]

Love Dr Weiner!! Modern view of wls, I use his method

 

[Tules]

I have to check him out.

 

[GlasgowJJ]

I'm going for a nosey at his videos!!

 

[purplepippa9]

Thanks Pippa The brain comes up with ridiculous things when it's addicted to something doesn't it. This is part of why I'm doing it, to have a hope of being rid of that. There was no biological need for the foods we were fantasising about! I hate having to second guess my own body. How are things in the crazy fantasy department now you're 6 months out? Getting hungry is fine but if I can expect to get hungry and still crave junk then it may be an even harder fight than I thought. Even being able to "pack in 1500 calories" is a great step when you think about it isn't it. Pre op I can do three times that if I'm really bad. If I can have something that gives me a kick when I'm overdoing it sometimes that'll still be a game changer for me.

My head still craves the same crap as it ever did but at the moment I can still only indulge in small amounts. I'm still losing and have been lucky and not had any significant stalls along the way so the momentum is still there. I think it helps that I'm doing so much exercise but I still worry about regain. I've now taken to saying "let's see how I'm doing in a couple of years " whenever anyone comments on my weight loss (which they still do). I'm not sure I believe I can maintain it so am considering going for some more therapy just to keep my head on the straight and narrow.

You can do this lsd you know, Venture. You seem so motivated like I was. And although I'm not sure any of us are ready for life after sleeve i think you are preparing yourself as best you can. Hang on in there. I'm sorry but I can't remember when you said your surgery was. Is it this week?

 

[Venture]

I'm sure you'll do just fine in the long run, Pippa. As with everything the hard part is accepting you have a problem!

My surgery is Wednesday, travelling from Tuesday lunchtime really.


Today has been pretty easy, had mostly shakes but a proper dinner again. Haven't craved anything bad really since. Also another 2km in the pool! Swimming has kept me busy today and I'm getting really into it so I'm hoping I can keep up this momentum post-op.

 

[purplepippa9]

The swimming will really help and the endorphins from exercise make a real difference to what is going on in our heads. Best of luck on Wednesday. I'm off to Disneyland with the children on Thursday so will probably be offline but will be thinking of you and wishing you well.

 

[Venture]

Let's hope so!
Enjoy Disneyland - I love it and I bet it'll be a lot more fun than my week...!

 

[BFB]

Best of luck for Wednesday Venture. Not long now eh.